gondaily

I wonder how many job postings are just data harvesting tools. My guess? Quite a lot. I assume quite a lot are also just fake or at least handled pretty incompetently, which is a little sad.

Whatever.

Today, my little brother woke up at 1 PM. Insane! I had to be in my pyjamas shorts for, well, most of the day, really, because I couldn't go in the room to get my regular shorts for fear of waking him up, but at that point I just had to say something. Very frustrating... But whatever. I'm glad he's getting his rest in. He's a little sick, and I do believe he's been doing some studying for his exams so, it's fine.

Ate some veggies today. It was, surprisingly, not that much. I really hoped to eat more than the portion allocated... So I supplemented my lunch with a banana. It was very tasty. I also ate an apple this morning, which was very tasty too. A Fuji apple. I don't think I like it as much as the ones I was having before, but it's OK. I was hungry anyway.

Listened to some music, today, but not as much as I wished I had.

Today felt very thin. Uneventful and unremarkable. Nothing ever happens, as they say. Only wore shorts, today, as I didn't go outside (yet).

I didn't have breakfast because I woke up at 11, and lunch was also a little on the unsatisfying end of the gastronomic spectrum... But I feel relatively fine, all things considered. Drank a lot of water, today, which is nice. I love cold water... I mean, I love sodas and other drinks too, but quite honestly I feel like simple cold water is amazing. I mean, sure, coke is nice, but it gets old eventually. Water is that eternal staple that always hits the spot.

I remember hearing people say that they don't like water. To me, that sounds beyond absurd. Unthinkable, even. It's like people saying they don't like olives. How do you not like olives? Do you also not like olive oil? I've never met someone that doesn't like olive oil. Is it the texture, I wonder... I think olives have a very reasonable and unremarkable texture... But not a bad one, by any means. And they taste like olive, I mean... They're freaking olives! Admittedly, I love olives, so I totally understand that I might feel strongly about this particular delicacy, but someone genuinely disliking olives is nearly unfathomable. Mushrooms is one thing - I love mushrooms, too - because of their admittedly odd texture and appearance, but olives? How can you just dislike olives, period? That doesn't even make sense. Green olives and black olives taste very different.

Whatever!

I find that, whenever I talk to people, I end up wishing that I hadn't talked to people. The only exception, pretty much, is my family. I'm sure I've enjoyed talking to people, before - I remember instances of that, actually... OK, scratch that previous sentence. What I meant to say is that I haven't had any satisfying human interaction outside of my family in a very long time, relatively speaking, and I think that's playing into my misanthropy a little bit.

I bought bigger apples, too, which I didn't get to experience today... How unfortunate. Tomorrow, for sure!

I got to wear jeans again, today. It was a little colder than it has been, so I put on some warmer pants. Oh boy how I've missed them... They're so freaking good, jeans. I love them! This day has really put into perspective all the other jean-less days that I've lived.

Also, went to have lunch with my granny, today. It was nice! The food was just OK, really, but it's fine. We got soup!

Unrelated, but I kind of felt like writing, so I did. I think it's really bad and cringy, but hey!

Death can be loud and boisterous, at times, but it can also be sudden and quiet; Violent or peaceful; but it is always gruesome. The stomping out of the light of life – either by natural means or by the hand of Man – is always horrific.

Some people, however, are born with that particular circuit misaligned. Maybe because all the little parts that make them up aren’t meant to go together, or maybe because their mother coughed at the wrong time while they were in the womb. Regardless of the reason, that kind of person doesn’t care about life. They don’t see it as valuable – or rather, they don’t see it as any more valuable than any other thing.

That kind of person is dangerous. They’re like a wolf raised as a sheep. They know the value of a life, in a theoretical sense, but they don’t have an instinctual understanding of it. They don’t get it. There’s no reason to be scared of someone like that – at least not by their nature – but they’re dangerous when put in the position to disregard their conditioning. Or, of course, if they weren’t raised by sheep and were never taught proper behaviour.

Then, there’s that other kind of person: the sheep raised as a wolf. Someone that feels all the love, the empathy, the pain of others. A child that feels their own skin ablaze when they see their dad get burned by a splash of hot oil; the teenager that has to go to their happy place when a classmate’s presentation isn’t going well; the adult that walks around with headphones on to avoid hearing an awkward conversation. Well, if raised by a sheep, anyway, that’s how that kind of person turns out. However, if raised by wolves, if they’re shaped and forged by a mother that doesn’t value a life at all and by a father that values a life by how much money it can put in his pocket, then that sheep... It turns into something else.

The wolves are dangerous, but the sheep are deadly.

They don’t fake their kindness, they don’t need to act or deceive. They don’t need to be forced to ignore their programming or their nurture. That kind of person knows exactly what they’re doing. They know the pain they’re inflicting – and they feel it – and they do it anyway. They’re not mindless beasts or ruthless predators concerned only with their next meal. They’re hunters. Persistent, unrelenting. Body after body; they paint their walls red with their prey not because they’re hungry or because it is their nature to slaughter, but with a deeper purpose, a reason that only they know and truly understand. They’re calculating, cunning, resourceful, and most of all, deadly.

A street gang is a pack of wolves, but an empire is a herd.

In Shadow Slave, a few chapters ago, the MC gave this really terrible speech. It was incredibly cringe and self-important. Then, that speech was immortalized in his inventory. As such, I've decided to immortalize the above slosh in this post. It was supposed to be an intro to something else I felt like writing, but then it got a little out of hand and doesn't really work any more, I don't think so. Whatever!

I went to have some sushi, today. It was nice, but less nice than usual. Quite frankly, I wasn't that engaged with the meal, if that makes sense. I liked it, don't get me wrong, but I just felt like something was missing, maybe. Well, one aspect of it is almost certainly how obnoxiously hot it is - I'm freaking boiling out here... And it's really dry, as well, so I'm really thirsty as well. Another thing, though, is that I missed some variety. I ate my fill - a bit more than my fill, quite frankly - but I wish I could've tried more kinds of sushi! What I ate was delicious, but I wanted to eat other stuff too. There are a few other sushi places that we occasionally go to, so maybe next time we should go there. Next time will be with my parents, anyway, and they prefer to go to those other places, so I guess that's probably a solved issue, for now - or for then, I suppose.

My little cousin had his birthday today. It was nice to see him since I hadn't in a long while. I also got to speak with my aunt and my other cousin, which was nice as well. Overall, I'm happy!

Also, managed to fix my internet! It had gotten "fixed" already, but it was slow and janky, but a couple of resets and whatnots set it straight.

I wonder what counts as a city. I've never lived in a city center, but I've certainly lived in cities - I live in a city right now! However, when I look at what a city looks like online or in the movies or shows, they don't look like what I see looking out of my window. I see the tall buildings, the highway, the cables and the thousands of cars... But I also see trees, so many trees, and I see sheep and cows too. Really, looking outside I see a sea of green sprinkled with concrete scars. The city center is much closer to my idea of a city with the buildings upon buildings, crowded streets, and eternal construction projects; sure, but where do I live, then? I guess I don't live in a city, then. But then, is a city just like... What, a few streets? Maybe. Maybe cities are just different, here. I guess that could be the case, or not.

Regardless, I like what I see when I look outside my window. I miss the ocean, a little, but I go down to the beach every day for my daily walks, so it's fine.

Actually, today I thought about cardinal directions. Oftentimes in Shadow Slave, the MC references cardinal directions - that's just how he ends up orienting himself. I do that too, actually. I always know where North is, I keep it in mind. Well, I keep West in mind and go from there, I suppose, lol. Of course, I know that many places are referred to as the "North side" and such, so surely many people do this, but it's one of those things that I feel like is not often talked about, for some reason. I remember hearing something about how some tribe somewhere or something always had a perfect idea of where North is on the island, something like that. I mean, living on an island, I also always knew where North was... I just looked around and had points of reference that told me where the directions were! So... That's not really that special, is it? I don't know, maybe they just don't need to think about it at all, they just know it? I guess.

Whatever!

I managed to get the bluetooth on my mouse to work with my laptop! Ever since I switched to Linux, it wasn't working, for some reason. I could still use it with the little USB attachment it also came with, but I had been used to the bluetooth, plus bluetooth is just way more convenient than having to plug one of your ports. Not sure what changed, not sure what I did differently this time, but I just felt like trying to get the bluetooth working again, and it did! Nice.

This morning, my little brother was shocked that I had clothes on. Mind you, I usually have clothes on, but he was expecting me to be in my pyjamas. He was like, "how do you have shorts on?," which was really funny. He sounded genuinely bewildered. Admittedly, he's a little sick and had just woken up, so I guess his brain simply hadn't gotten up to speed with wandering reality. My clothes are in his room, but I just put on what I had on the previous day, which were my "inside clothes."

There was a post going "viral" - nothing really goes viral on Lemmy, but it was getting some traction - that said that the last time all humans were on Earth was sometime in October of 2000. I thought that was really interesting. October 31st, turns out. That's cool and interesting, especially because I was born after October 31st of 2000. Now, here's what I'm thinking about: time really does keep going. It's funny, really. My parents were my age, once, and there was a time before me when things were different. There was a time that I remember when things were different. That's just really cool, I guess. Not really anything ground breaking in this post, but I wanted to mention it.

I'm kind of feeling the need to get a coin pouch. I've been thinking about this for a while, actually... I have a Ridge wallet, so I carry a few cards and a single note. That's fine, but if I ever spend that note, I might get - I probably will get - coins as change. Annoying, since I don't have anywhere to store coins! As such, the obvious solution is to have some sort of attachment to the backside of the Ridge wallet where I can store my coins. Something like a coin pouch. A leather coin pouch. I can see it, in my mind. I wonder if I can make it... I think so. I think I can make it, or at least I can make a concept of it, and then I might be able to get it made somewhere.

That would be cool. I did find a coin pouch hanging around here, not in use, so I can probably mangle it and resew it. Repurpose it! That would be awesome, I think. I'll get on it, eventually.

My little brother is sick.

Yesterday, we had to cut our walk a bit short on account of that. It was a little annoying, but I didn't want to push him and risk getting him sicker, especially since he really didn't seem to be feeling too good. I doubt that, today, we will go on a walk at all. I will, of course, but I suspect he'll elect to stay home. He didn't even get out of his pyjamas, as a matter of fact. I, myself, did get out of my jammies and put on some very nice shorts by Jack & Jones. I think that the length is actually pretty good on these ones, though I still have some serious criticisms regarding the string and the waistband... Unfortunate, really, that I've lost weight and now these rather large shorts don't really fit me very well anymore around the waist.

My headphones' earpads have started to peel. Very unfortunate. I can't feel it, so it's a strictly visual issue, for now, but it is still annoying. As such, I've done some searching regarding what the best headphones and, well, I guess audio-listening-ear-devices out there are, and I've come up with a few results. Not that I'm thinking of buying new ones any time soon, but still, it's nice to have a list ready beforehand.

Actually, today I put on a shirt that I vividly remember avoiding for a long time because it felt extremely tight on me. Now, it doesn't. I think it fits me perfectly! It feels good to feel the progress in such a tangible way.

I've been listening to a lot of music, these days.

It's amazing. I feel like it's one of those things that I don't remember to miss, but feel the absence when I get back into it. Mostly, I've been listening to random mixes/playlists that show up on YT, recommended. They're really not that good, mostly, but there's a certain magic to them. I like it, what can I say...

Yesterday, my little brother spoke to me extensively about a fanfic he was reading set in the Vampire Diaries universe. I thought it was really interesting. It got me thinking about how, describing fiction - and really, most things, I'd say - makes it sound really silly, but if you let yourself dive into the story, it becomes really interesting. Or can become that way, I guess; obviously, there are stories that aren't that compelling, or people that don't vibe with certain stories.

Something I've been really loving about Shadow Slave, really, is the commentary on the real world. I mean, sure, it's awesome action with cool powers; blood, strategy, cool shit, right? But it's the in-betweens that really keep you hooked. Really, if I were to just say what it's about, it would sound pretty boring and cliché, I think. It's good, though.

I wore all black today: black shorts, black shirt, black slippers. My socks are blue though, matching my boxers. Truly, I'm a master of colour combination. Bow!

There wasn't enough of the fried rice I'd made yesterday for a full bowl, so I added some veggie mix. It was a fantastic idea. It was totally super delish~ I love veggies and there were some pretty decently sized pieces of fish left in the rice too, so it was a very satisfying meal. That's not something I can say about my menial breakfast, though. See, the apple was great and nice, but the chocomilk was mediocre. I don't know... I think my brother might've converted me to his almond milk... I should give it a try.

Speaking of my brother, today he mentioned that, this Saturday, we're gonna go for sushi again, with our granny! Poggers! :D My weight is on track, and I don't really feel the need to "cheat" on my "diet," anyway, but it's also nice to look forward to a day when you get to just eat a bunch of something you really love and not think about losing or gaining weight. It's a weight off your mind, you could say. Bazinga.

I'm starting to like the weird little things my mom has strewn around the apartment. Age is catching up with me.

No wifi since yesterday... Painful! Have plenty of data, but still...

I'll be hosting some technicians tomorrow... Maybe I should put on nice pants, look presentable. On the other hand, I don't care. Shorts it is.

We have hot water back and it's glorious.

Ate some fried rice, today. It was yummy, but only like okay-levels of yummy... Maybe I should add cheese, or lentils. Or beans. I do also have some veggie mix... I should add that, too! I shall.

Excited for tomorrow's meals. I didn't have breakfast today, actually, because I ended up waking up rather late. Tomorrow promises great things.

Ate some soup, today. It was freaking delish!!! Lots of veggies, and beans. I love beans, lots.

Also had my typical chocolate milk and apple breakfast. This new chocolate milk is really good, for some reason. Supposedly, it's the same as the previous one I was using - same brand and everything - but it somehow tastes sweeter, I think. Well, not strictly sweeter, more like smoother? I don't know... It's hard to put into words. But it tastes better, is what I'm getting at.

Fixed the boiler. Embarrassingly, one of us probably flicked a valve under the boiler and turned the gas off... The dudeguy got here and figured out the problem almost immediately. Good! Well, at least hot water is back.

Ended up not going for a swim today, as the weather was a little iffy. Tomorrow, for sure! I'll have to go find my trunks.

Now, here's something.

Three days ago, I weighed around 73.1 kg. Two days ago, I weighed around 72.25 kg. Yesterday, I weighed around 72.5 kg. Today, I weighed around 71.9 kg. What the heck is up with that? I mean, it seems like it's going down - which is good - but what the heck is up with these fluctuations. Am I getting really dehydrated every other day or something?! It's just odd. I feel fine, of course.

Speaking of fine, I wonder what I'll eat tomorrow... Today's soup was really great, so I'm strongly considering just going for that again. It also has the benefit of being really easy - just heat it up in the microwave! However, they do say variety is the spice of life, so I might end up going for something else.

I feel like I do a lot of fish fried rice. My grandma got me some sea breams... I could do that. I love that fish. Also have some mackerel and tuna. I'll think about it.

I love salad. Ate some today with lettuce and white onion. It's just really nice. It's one of those really simple things that really isn't special in any particular way, but just feels so nice. It's fresh and crunchy! Also had some fish and rice and sweet potatoes - I also love sweet potatoes.

Feeling very positive today.

Kept reading Shadow Slave, and it's nice. Currently, I'm reading an arc that's - I kid you not - over 70 chapters long. Freaking 70?! Dude... The last "long arc" I read - the crimson spire arc - was like 20 chapters long, if even. 70... Damn it, man. I mean, I'm liking it, of course, but it just feels like there's sO mUCh StuuFFf haPpenNniiinnNgg! It's nigh overwhelming. But not. The one thing I'll say, is that I feel like Sunny hasn't been able to develop sorcery enough. Or rather, we haven't been able to see him bear the fruits of his developments enough. On one hand, we're looking at over 2000 chapters of story, so of course there's lots of stuff and we can't expect that any of aspect of the story is gonna be developed in a handful of chapters. Things in Shadow Slave aren't measured in dozens, but in hundreds. Still, that particular aspect is a little slow; or rather, I wish it was developed a little faster.

Did some laundry and cleaned out the fridge. That felt good.

I haven't worn jeans in weeks. I spent so much time focused on that that I really underprepared for the warmer weather. It's fine, of course, I have plenty of shorts, but they all kind of suck. And I mean that, by the way, they all kind of suck. It's honestly impressive how many different shorts I have and somehow they all manage to suck. Too long, too tight, waistband too wide or thick or the strings are all fucked... Like, come on! COME ON!!

It's fine, it's fine... But frustrating, nevertheless.

I can't really afford to go buy a bunch of clothes - and I really don't want to, anyway - so it's not like I would've changed this situation regardless, but it still feels a little underwhelming to have spent so much time looking at what pants to buy and then, when I have a lineup I'm happy with, it's too hot to wear them.

Losing weight might also mean that they become too big for me... That... That would be unfortunate, but I suspect very likely. I'm losing weight at a steady pace. If I go swimming this week - something I intend to do - I should keep up the pace or even accelerate. I should be able to go under 70 kg by the end of next month, at least. My parents will come to visit in a couple of weeks and it's actually possible that I'll reach it by then, if I were to keep the current pace... Though I find that a little unlikely. We'll see, I suppose. That would be awesome.

My mom is also on a weight loss journey for health reasons. She's obese, I think, or at least extremely overweight, and it's really been taking a toll on her body. It kinda feels like we're doing something together, striving for a similar goal. It's... Not nice, because she's sick, you know, but it's something similar to being nice but in a weirdly dreadful way, I guess. She said that, by the time we meet, she might be able to weigh less than me. I'm determined to not let that happen! I'd love her to prove me wrong, of course. Eventually, I hope that she will get to weigh less than me, of course, because I'll reach my target eventually and her target is lower than mine by quite a bit.

Maybe I should work on my post titles.

No hot water for me... Our boiler broke or something. Pain in the ass, that is. I shall take a cold water shower tonight. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Oh well, that's life.

Read even more Shadow Slave. It just keeps getting better, frankly.

I sold some pants on Vinted, a while ago. 15€. It's cheap, as in, it's not much, but it's nice to make some money out of useless stuff that we just had lying around.

I'm excited for tomorrow. I'll go eat at my granny's. She'll make soup for us, and probably more stuff too. :D I ate pretty well this week, I feel like, but it still wasn't much. I wonder if I can actually get used to eating this little... Even if I'm not hungry, per se, it still feels weird to just... Not eat, all the time. It's kinda funny, actually. Today I weighted in at 72.25 kg. Huh... Weird... I was probably really bloated, yesterday, I guess. I certainly don't feel like I lost almost 1 kg overnight! Or maybe I was really dehydrated, this morning. Not sure.

Is there anything better than that in life, I wonder? Good eats, good reads.

The good reads are, of course, Shadow Slave. I'm back on the train. The world-building is absolutely phenomenal, really. Every evening, during my walk with my little brother, I get to basically tell him everything I've read during the day. It's lovely.

The good eats was tuna and egg fried rice with chickpeas. I freaking love chickpeas. The more I think about it, actually, I really love most vegetables... Especially beans. Still, it was delicious.

I'll probably eat more of it tomorrow. Actually, I'm not sure if I can... My little brother will probably eat some of it too so, and I think he has already eaten some of it... Well, I could always make more. I'll figure it out tomorrow.

My weight has been progressing well, too. Today I weighted in at 73 kg. Not exactly, I think it was 73.1, but whatever.

73 kg was a goal I had set quite a long time ago. With the holidays and the stress and well me just slacking off, I ended up straying from it, but I'm glad to be back at 73, though frankly I don't remember why I set that goal to begin with. Seems like a pretty arbitrary number. What I have in mind, now, is getting under 70 kg. I think I can do it. I feel it!!!!

Also, the pool opened up! The weather has been pretty good, so I might just go and take a dip in the morning. Probably not this weekend, since it'll probably be filled with people, but sometime during the week. It's extra exercise, some much needed sunlight, and frankly I just like swimming.

I'll get my swimming trunks ready.

Today, I had soup for lunch. The soup was great, of course, but that was the last of it. Tomorrow and the day after I'm gonna have to figure out something else to eat. I say that like it's gonna be hard - it's not - but I moreso mean that it'll be a shame that I won't be able to eat more soup! It was really tasty. This time I hit the spice amount just right, too... Dang it.

I also went on a short walk this morning to go deliver some pants that I sold. Very cheap pants, those were... But between making no money from useless old clothes and making some money from useless old clothes, I know where I want to be. Just 15€. It pays for... Like 3 weeks of public transport, maybe.

Did some laundry today as well. Whatever.

I feel like the soup wasn't enough, frankly. I might actually have an extra apple, today. I'll see how I feel and make the call. Tiny fucking apples...

Otherwise, pretty uneventful day. Played some games! Won a lot.

I haven't eaten fried rice in a long while. I used to, all the time, because my grandma would send me back every Sunday with lots of rice. However, since moving away, I never got that treatment... Until last Sunday! It wasn't much rice, to be fair, but it was enough, and she also gave me some fried salmon.

Salmon fried rice is really nice, frankly. I should've added more hot sauce, though. I feel like that's often an issue with my "cooking." Then again, last time I had soup I added a little too much hot sauce...

I'm excited for tomorrow.

I've been eating an apple every morning, but the apples are very small. We bought the cheapest ones at the store, but turns out they were "mini" apples... I have nothing against mini apples, they're actually very reasonably tasty, but they're just... Well, small! One apple feels like too little, but two apples feels like too much! I CAN'T FUCKING WIN!!!!

Since I've been eating less, I've been looking forward to each meal way more. I think this is a good thing, because I feel like I appreciate my food more.

Tomorrow, I think I'll have soup again, if there's enough left. If not, I'll probably make some rice with some tuna and veggie mix. I ate lots of veggies yesterday, but today not so much, so I want to at least alternate some greens in my diet. At least! I should eat way more greens than I do.

I guess that's the next step: up the greens.

I've been watching lots of cooking content on YT. It's fun!

I love seeing people cook different and interesting things, I love learning about different cultures through their gastronomy, and I love the content creators and creatives that present them. I've really been into Doobydobap. She's really funny.

Of course, I haven't been eating anything particularly special myself. Well, whatever!

Second time this week (I think) I've forgotten to make my daily post... I really just need to start making them before I go on my walk. When I get back home, I'm just too tired to remember to post!

I love apples.

I've been eating an apple a day to ward off the medic, and oh BOY do they freaking ROCK!!! I love 'em!

An apple every morning and a mug of chocolate milk. You just can't go wrong.

Also ate a bowl of granny soup, today. Tasty, but very salty. Tolerably so, but still. I added some spice and it was very good. It has beans, and I freaking love beans, but it also has a very nice variety of veggies. Great gastronomic display by the OG.

More soup tomorrow, I wonder... I could do something else. I shall decide when the time comes.

This weekend was a feasting bonanza. Not really, I suppose, but it was really nice, especially considering to what I've been eating.

Sushi and grandma's lunch! Great :D I had salmon, fries, white rice, and a salad. It was really good, though the salmon was a little cold. Hey, that's life.

She made vegetable soup for me and my little brother, though, so that's what I'll be eating this week for lunch. I'm very excited. I've been eating almost exclusively tuna sandwiches for the past 2 weeks or something... So this will be a nice change of pace. She also gave us some other things, so I'll be eating those too, sprinkled in, for variety.

Finally!!

I've also decided to start some bodyweight strength training. Just basic stuff, nothing fancy or anything, but I think it'll be a good thing to do, in general. Burn some calories, hopefully get a bit stronger and more endurant.

It's the little things.

I started reading MGX. It's OK... It turned out to be much less interesting than I hoped. Maybe it gets better later on, but I'm about to go into a plot arc that I suspect will include NTR, which is something I'm thoroughly uninterested in.

As such, I've put it on hiatus until I trust to venture and endure.

In the mean time, I read a couple of Kowloon Generic Romance chapters. Fun! I wonder how it'll progress.

Had sushi with a friend, my brother, and my grandma. It was lots of fun, but I feel sooooo bloated, I'm about to exploooode!!!! Not a great feeling. That's good though, I won't eat any more today for sure, I damn near physically can't.

Also, it's super hot today. Well, it's not that hot, but the sun is scorching the Earth undeterred by even a little fart of a cloud.

Make sure to stay hydrated, everynyan.

Some songs are called «earworms» because of how memorable and catchy they are. I think that's really nice imagery.

Recently, I've been thinking about two books in particular: A Psalm for the Wild-Built, by Becky Chambers; and The Night Circus, by Erin Morgenstern. These books are definitely «lifeworms», for me.

A day doesn't go by that I don't think of at least one of them, and it's rare that I don't find myself thinking of both.

I'm not sure what it is about them that gets me so thoughtful, especially with The Night Circus. I think it's the non-linear narrative structure, but maybe it's the magic, or the relationship between the two main characters. The Psalm's appeal is much clearer for me: I'm a huge fan of environmentalism and I love imagining a world of peace and fresh air where everyone gets to live a peaceful, fulfilling life. That book is basically hopeporn.

Still, I feel that there's something more. I think there's something special about both of them together that I find particularly enticing.

Recently, I did a little thought exercise. I thought about what kind of story I would like to write. I do this every once in a while, whenever it strikes my fancy - or whatever the saying is - but, for some reason, this time, it felt different. I think, maybe, I figured out a better answer than usual.

I'm someone that rarely re-reads or re-watches books or shows. For some reason, re-listening is much more palatable for me; I've re-listened to The Magnus Archives' best episodes dozens of times, and I've listened to my favourite albums for times than I can count, but I have never re-read my favourite books. I've only watched my favourite show twice (though I have also read the source material, so maybe that counts as an additional time). My memory is good, but not so good as to vividly remember these pieces of media years after I've first experienced them without revisiting their pages and frames. Yet, I just don't feel like doing it, basically ever.

However, I'm starting to feel that I really should re-read those two books in particular. I'm not very superstitious, in a practical sense. Still... I feel like they're calling me. A Psalm has a sequel, so I'll read that first, but then I'll get to the original two books. Maybe I'll go and read more from Becky Chambers, later, too.

I guess, when I think of the perfect book, it's a mix of A Psalm and The Night Circus. These books captured my imagination, entrapped my heart in a way that nothing has before.

Something about them makes me think about the beauty of everything, about the value of relationships, about what it'd be like to be someone else, someplace else, doing something else in a different way. Is that just escapism, I wonder... They're the kind of books that make you feel like you're dreaming wide awake. They say something that I feel compelled to hear.

When I write in my diary, I often find myself writing that I really want to understand other people. It's a little weird, really, now that I think about it. It's usually just stream-of-consciousness, but somehow it always goes back to being able to say what I mean and be understood, and be able to understand what people are trying to say to me. I think that's a very human thing. It makes me feel a bit more human to feel that, not that that matters, particularly, but still. Usually, I write about learning languages, about being a better reader, about writing better. Maybe that's also why I worked so hard to improve my handwriting, too.

I say this to say that I think that, somehow, I understand those two books. I can't quite put into words, but I think I understood them, deep inside. I internalized what they said, they changed me. I'm different after them; I'm different thanks to them. I'm better. I like that feeling, a lot.

I've also been thinking of going hiking, recently. Maybe one of these days.

This post's theme music has been: Album From The Past to The Future, by Chikoi the Maid.

Today, I spent some quality time with my little brother again. I love spending time with him :D

Spoke with my parents. It was OK.

Found a cool YTer, her name is Via Li.

Ate much less today than usual. I usually eat two sandwiches for lunch, but I only had 1 today. I feel fine and did feel fine all day, so I think it is fine. Maybe I can just do that instead. I decided to only eat 1 today because, for one, I occasionally felt like 2 was too much, but also because I noticed my weight not going down this morning. Which is normal, I know... I wrote that in my physical diary, I promise. However, since I was already thinking of eating less, I felt like that was a push towards that. Of course, I gave myself complete permission to eat more if I felt the need, but I just didn't. So, experiment successful, I feel like.

Speaking of my diary, I wrote a lot. Filled like... Two whole pages. A4. My handwriting is pretty small and neat, too, so really that's quite a lot. I wrote about a lot of stuff. I really enjoy writing with pencil and paper, it's just so satisfying, especially using my Kuru Toga :D

I've decided not to upgrade to anything yet, not to an AG Switch or KT Advance, nor to a Midori MD notebook. I'll just keep using what I'm using and see how far it takes me.

Didn't read much today. Which is fine.

Overall, I feel good. Excited for Saturday, but I also have some things to do tomorrow so, that's good.

My shoes are giving out... The old ones, I mean. I bought new ones recently, which I actually haven't been wearing all that much, and those are very fine. The old ones though, gee. I ended up buying some second hand Puma RS-X, and they're really good. Totaled around 42€ for 2 pairs in fantastic condition, so I really can't complain. I hope they'll last me some time, at least. I'll take better care of them then I did my old ones... Which I really need to throw out. That's another thing for me to do tomorrow.

I made a little grocery list. I need to buy veggies... My diet has been LACKING. I'll fix it though, in no time. Well... I'll fix it the day after tomorrow, so really I'll fix it in like 48 hours.

Toodles.

I feel like I get a little obsessed with things sometimes - THERE!! I said it!!

I've been reading too much Shadow Slave... It's true! Oh, the humanity (and the nightmare creaturanity)! A disaster, indeed, but I think it's good that I'm capable of admitting this to myself.

I want to keep reading, and I'm still very invested in the story, but I'm getting a bit tired. I want to read something else. I've read about 500k words of this thing, apparently. That's a lot.

I was thinking of getting back into Lord of the Mysteries, but I don't remember where I left off... I'd have a hard time finding the chapter, and of course I've forgotten a few things already so, maybe I should just go with something else. I could also pick Re:Zero back up - I've been on a break for similar reasons to me taking a break from Shadow Slave right now - but, quite frankly, I don't really feel like reading fantasy.

I'll look for some more grounded works of webfiction. I'm strongly considering looking at more of Wildbow's stuff. I might get into Twig. I dropped Worm, at some point, and dropped Pact too, so maybe I won't like Twig... It's also not really "grounded," I guess, but frankly IDEK what I mean by that. Maybe I could read Embers ad Infinitum.

Well, whatever, I'll look into this and decide eventually.

I forgot to post, yesterday... Oops!

Regardless, there really wasn't much to report anyway. I read a lot.

As of writing this, I have finished the 3^rd^ volume of Shadow Slave. It's been really good so far, but I'm feeling a little apprehensive, regarding what's coming. I don't doubt that it'll be good, but I wonder if it's going to go in the direction that I was hoping it would.

My brother and grandma are back, so there's a chance I'll be able to go get sushi on Saturday! Yippee!

Also, I've been steadily losing weight. I'm back down to 74.5 kg... Obviously, I've been this weight before, but even on my last attempt at losing weight I don't recall getting this low. Also, I certainly don't recall feeling this good about it. I haven't been eating a lot - hence my fast weight loss - but I'm actually feeling pretty good, overall. I do get hungry, at times, but nothing harrowing. I've kept up my walks - though they'll get shorter again, since my little brother is not up for longer ventures - but still.

By my calculamications, I should drop below 70 in about 2 weeks. Of course, this won't be quite right, since I'll definitely have high-calorie days (the weekend, especially, when I'll be eating with my grandma), and over time it should slow down regardless, but that's fine. 2 weeks, 2 months, it's fine. As long as I reach my goals, then I'll reach my goals. I'll just keep going!

I think the last time I was below 70 kg was around 7 years ago. Ain't that something, huh? Took me a while.

I took a much longer walk, today.

I was so enthralled listening to Shadow Slave that I just... Didn't want to stop. I only stopped at all because I felt that it was getting a bit too late. My legs and feet were tired, of course, but that really wasn't the limiting factor.

I'm on chapter 455 - which doesn't mean that much, since Shadow Slave's chapters are actually quite short - and I've been enjoying every bit of it.

I didn't eat anything particularly notable today either, but I haven't really been very hungry at all, which I find to be a little weird... Well, whatever, this is a good thing, I think.

I'm excited to keep reading.

I got a message from my friend... She won't be available for sushi, tomorrow.

What a calamity...

She got COVID, apparently - what a pain in the ass... Hopefully she gets better by next week, and we can go then. We'll see about that, I suppose.

Still, tomorrow I'll have to go out regardless to vote. I'm considering whether or not I should still go somewhere cool for lunch or not. Maybe Burger King or something. I like Burger King.

Then again, why? I don't really want to go to Burger King, and I don't want to go for sushi alone either. I guess I can wait one more week and then either go with her or with my grandma - she and my brother will be back by then, so we can all go together.

I slept pretty poorly, last night. Woke up at around 4 in the morning and didn't manage to fall back asleep. Was pretty tired the whole day.

Lunch was OK, but mediocre... Lots of veggies, which was nice, but it wasn't very substantial.

I took a nap a bit after 5 in the afternoon and woke a little after 7, then took my walk.

The walk was surprisingly good. I didn't take a longer route because I feared that my exhaustion would prevent me from having fun and enjoying it, but I think I might've been able to. I just listened to Shadow Slave the whole way through, pretty much, and my feet moved on their own. It was really rather pleasant.

Just took a bath. I really need a haircut...

Hopefully I get some better shut-eye tonight.