gondaily

I've been watching a lot of survivalist content on YT. It's lots of fun. I love Outdoor Boys; definitely check them out! I say "them," but it's really just Luke. I don't watch the videos with the kids very much, I just don't enjoy them as much.

I grew up somewhere where it was basically impossible to be away from civilization. That's kind of how it works when you live very isolated; there's not a lot of people, but there's people everywhere. It's kind of weird, when I put it like that. We had parks and "forests," but not like they show in their videos.

It's lots of fun to find poetry in the mundane.

When you just look outside and see something that speaks to you. I love it.

:D Feeling a little happy today.

Today, I ate some microwaved sweet potatoes. This has made me believe that the microwave is the best cooking apparatus in the kitchen.

I make my rice in the microwave, my potatoes in the microwave... I know there's microwave cake too. You can heat water in the microwave, which is useful for a variety of things.

Very versatile. I had a great lunch today, by the way. Canned mackerel fillets, sweet potato, rice, pickles. Very nice.

I've always thought Linus, from LinusTechTips, often came off as an incredibly conceited, annoying, and rude person. I don't know what it is about him exactly, but I've just always thought he acts in a very strange and off-putting way, which is a real shame, being that I love tech content on YT, and he's one of the biggest out there. I simply could never get into his stuff, because he just gave me such terrible vibes.

Now, I'm saying this, but so what? Right? I mean, getting bad vibes from someone doesn't mean they're actually bad, for one, and for two, I find it rather distasteful to just announce that you dislike someone for seemingly no reason. I did it because it relates to the rest of this post.

Today, I watched a video from Louis Rossman wherein he basically tore Linus a new hole. It's over an hour long, and while saying bad things about Linus isn't the only thing he does, it's what stuck with me. Watching that video, I was reminded of another video---a TikTok, actually---that I watched the other day, about Neil Gaiman. The TikTok was saying how, after Neil Gaiman was outed as a terrible person (apparently, while I have heard about this I didn't actually look anything up about him), tons of people came out of the woodwork talking about how they've always had an inkling about him, how they never really liked him, he just gave off bad vibes, and so on. The thesis was that, those people should STFU; if you knew he was shit, why didn't you say so before?

Upon watching Louis' video, I felt that same way. That weird vindication that my gut feeling was right about someone. Then, I felt incredibly silly.

Should I have warned people? I don't know, that seems so wrong. And for the record, I'm still withholding judgement on this particular situation, as I don't have nearly enough context---nor do I care enough to look it up---to actually judge anyone involved.

Then, I watched another TikTok, talking about Trump supporters being faced with facts. That's how it was framed, but the general idea was that, upon having their deep beliefs shattered, people tend to be in a very fragile emotional state, one that, if pressed, will often result in them lashing out. So, if you shatter someone's understanding of the world, and then keep pushing it with more and more evidence, they might just get angry at you. Basically, that was the TikTok. Now, I wonder if that other TikTok was just that. People are upset when others say this whole "I felt they were terrible way before" because they didn't see it, so it's like a deep belief that they held was shattered, and now you're just rubbing salt in the wound, so they lash out and get angry.

I don't know.

I'll just keep on not watching LTT.

Today, I reviewed my financial goals for retirement. I decided to rethink this because of a variety of factors---including me having learned quite a bit since I first outlined my goal---, but mostly because I want to make sure I'm going where I'm headed.

What I found was that I was, for one, very optimistic about potential returns, and secondly, aiming for a number that's far too high. Well, "too high" in the sense that I need only much less; of course, I wouldn't mind reaching a higher number.

I adjusted my expected returns and my goal, and that actually severely cut the years that it would take me to get there. It's nice when you review your goals and realize you made a mistake that made things harder for you.

At this pace, which may or may not be sustainable depending on a variety of factors, and may or may not increase, depending on a variety of factors, I could retire by my mid-40s. About 20 years from now. That sounds unrealistic... But hey, it's fun to try, at least. We'll see how it goes.

I wouldn't be the first to achieve this.

I had a meeting about a grant, yesterday. It went well, I think. I'm almost certainly gonna get the extension. More money. I got paid yesterday too, and it kind of shocked me. I was expecting payment, of course, but it just felt like so much money. I felt like when I got paid the first time. I don't know why... Maybe I'm learning some gratitude for the things I have? I don't know.

Today (or maybe yesterday evening?) I responded to someone on Discord that had made an interesting comment.

They said something along the lines of their friends having criticized Donald Trump's "DEI Ban," and saying that he just wants straight white men in the federal government. Something to that effect. He then said that that's ridiculous, and he wishes his friends did more research (he was more condescending in his phrasing).

Now, I'm not American, nor a policy expert, nor had I heard about this DEI ban, but I have my notions about Donald Trump, and so I went to look it up, and read what was written about it on the White House website.

I wrote a relatively short message detailing why I thought that, in a way, it did seem like Donald Trump just wants straight white men in the federal government. I was much more nuanced than this.

I didn't get a response because, almost immediately, a mod sent a warning about how there should be no political discussions on the server. Now, I don't think that's a great idea, but I get it and I respect it. However, I did notice that, while the warning was wagered against both of us, it was only enacted upon my response. That is to say, had i just ignored that comment, there would've been no warning. Somehow, the comment wasn't considered "political" enough to be worthy of a smite.

Here's my issue: that comment was very much a political statement. The implications that they agreed with the DEI ban were clear and obvious. I also know this because the person that made those comments has made other similar, though unrelated, remarks that made their position on certain issues rather clear. For example, recently, they denied that what Elon Musk did was a Nazi salute. They've said other things too.

I guess this whole post is just me venting my frustration that lies fly and truth crawls. It's so easy to just say anything, just make an implication, an insinuation, and just move on.

"Oh my friends are so silly to think that Trump is racist and sexist! They don't even understand the DEI ban! These terms just get thrown around like nothing these days..."

But to make a point in retort I have to actually say something of significance. Otherwise, it's just slinging shit. "Actually, he is racist and sexist" "Huh, you're just like them! Name one time he was racist and sexist? You can't!" And then I have to do the work. I have to cite. And then they can just say "that doesn't count" "you're misinterpreting" "that was a ROMAN salute!"

It's ridiculous.

Isn't this also what dog-whistles are? Plausible deniability, basically. Say whatever you want, except what you mean.

See, I don't mind political discussion. I have been turned away from some opinions by discussion, I'm not afraid to admit when I'm wrong; I welcome corrections, I want to improve. My issue isn't that someone disagrees with me, not even that they may be wrong or misinformed themselves, it's that they're either too cowardly to say it, or too daft to defend it and too attached to renounce it.

This reminds me of Ben Shapiro. Debating college students with his machine-gun mouth like it proves anything other than the fact having a bunch of prepared points against randos and talking over people gets internet points.

Pricks.

I was watching a gambling video, on YouTube. It's a compilation of these two guys---I don't know who they are, though I've seen one of them before---just losing, and losing, and losing everything in online gambling. It's crazy the amount of money they're throwing in the fire.

Thousands, millions of dollars, gone like that. Unbelievable, in that I would literally not believe it had it not been video-recorded. Insanity.

I wonder what it's like to just have such a strong compulsion to do something so destructive. I understand what it's like, a little bit, on account of my eating. It's really hard for me to stop eating, or to not eat, even if I know I don't need to. I assume it's similar.

I guess the difference between eating yourself to death and gambling your life away isn't all that much.

I need new shoes.

I bought new shoes not so long ago, about 3 months ago, but I think I need new ones. The reason I say this is because I've been wearing the same shoes (those new ones) basically every single day. I do occasionally use the other ones, but only to take a walk or for a quick go at the grocery store, things of the sort.

I feel like it's not a good idea to just wear the same shoes constantly, not very hygienic either, I'd gather.

I've been looking online. I've found a few shoes that seem really cool, at reasonable prices. We'll see how it goes.

Also, it seems I really will be going to Barcelona soon. Exciting... NOT! It's gonna be lots of work... I HATE WORK! Oh well, hopefully it'll be interesting, at least.

Perfect rice is hard to make.

Said NOT ME!

I have mastered the art. Well, my parents gifted me a Tupperware rice cooker for Christmas and I've recently managed to optimize the cooking process. By that I mean I found the exact time it should be in the microwave. 22.5 minutes, for the rice I bought.

Comes out great every time.

:D

I love sashiko. Both the philosophy of repairing your own clothes, the idea of visual mending, and the awesome designs.

However, my pants aren't ripped. My shirts are intact.

Of course, I could make a hole in them just to mend it, and I could add sashiko for purely aesthetic purposes, but that simply doesn't please me nearly as much as mending would. I want my things to last forever, but I want them to break so I can fix them as well.

I got new jeans, today. I bought them a week-or-so back, they arrived on Friday, but I only got to go pick them up today. They seem to be exactly as advertised: very well maintained, correct sizing, no blemishes or rips... They're perfect. The colour is just as I thought it would be, too. I bought these jeans to replace some previous jeans that no longer fit me, after I lost weight.

Perfect condition Levi's 501s for €20. I wonder if that's actually a good deal. It feels like a good deal, and I guess that's what actually matters. If I take good care of them---and watch my line---these two jeans might be the only pants I'll ever have to own. That sounds a little unlikely, but I guess we'll see.

I was with my grandma today. She's old, over 70 years old. I love her to bits, but her age is really showing.

She's slow, completely behind the times, everything hurts all the time... She's still a sweetheart that cares for her family, but this is kind of freaking me out. I want her to live forever, but I can see that she really won't.

I suppose all I can do is appreciate the time we still have together, and that's what I intend to do.

Remember to talk to your loved ones!

I'm not looking to get into relationships. Quite frankly, the idea of getting into a relationship with someone is a little revolting. That's a strong word to use, I'm aware, but I do mean it. It's stomach-churning to think of it, to think of getting attached to someone so strongly. I don't mean for this to sound insulting or demeaning, in any way; I have nothing against relationships, and people in relationships don't bother me in the slightest (my own parents are in a relationship, wouldn't you believe it).

Perhaps because I'm so closed-off to others, when I think of what would take for me to get into a relationship, I imagine a slow-burn sort of romance, so slow that it's like it's not even moving. The sort of romance that starts of as acquaintance and somehow turns into a friendship and somehow turns into a relationship, so slow that only as the persons are getting married do they realize that they aren't just acquaintances, any more.

Maybe I'm scared of commitment? I don't think I am; then again, I'm not a psychologist.

Speaking of commitment---something I planned all along, by the way, as I wrote the title of this post before writing even a single word of the post text---, what's up with cheaters?

I think some people take love very lightly. Or rather, they take relationships very lightly, and they don't really care about love. I met a cheater---I found out someone I knew was a cheater---and it shook me a little. Of course, I know people cheat, I know there are people that cheat, but to actually meet someone. He was bragging, too, I think. At the very least, he was not not-proud of it. It was weird. I just laughed and said "that's not good, that's terrible, that's really bad," but I think it came off as somewhat unserious. He's a colleague, so I don't want to make an enemy of him by shitting on his terrible actions. I feel a little stuck, in this situation, but I feel I did what's best for me.

The more I think about this, the more I think I'm actually very normal, on the inside. Which might seem really weird, having read this post, but I mean it. I think I'm very normal, but I just think about things in a very abnormal way. I think people do feel love, but while I think of relationships as an expression of that, most people just don't. They don't actually think of it that way... I don't know what it is, though, is it transactional? He doesn't love his girlfriends, that's for sure.

A VTuber I really like says she doesn't understand love and that, at some point, she just decided to define love for herself. She just sat down and said "this is love," and then that was love. Obsession, by the way, is what she defined it as. She's in a relationship, but she says she doesn't really "love" her partner, not in the traditional sense, but that she is madly obsessed with them, which for her is love, by definition. I can understand that, to be honest. It's rational and logic, even if unhinged and weird.

How can someone be in a relationship and cheat? It's just... It's so hard for me to wrap my head around it. I understand not wanting to be in a relationship and cheating; it's shitty but it's understandable. I understand being drunk or high or something and kissing someone without thinking and then realizing you did it and thinking it was awful and regretting it; it's irresponsible but not so immoral or anything, I don't think. Actively engaging in a relationship, being with someone strongly and unquestionably, and still wanting to be with someone else? I don't know, that's just so weird.

Well, I guess poly people exist, so there's that. I don't know.

Humans are complicated, I suppose. That's the conclusion I've come to. What a revolutionary thought-leader, I am.

Yesterday, my parents talked to me about the weather. More specifically, they were worried about how cold it is over here, as we've been dipping into the negatives. They insisted---quite intensely, might I add---that I get a heater for my room. I said I didn't need a heater, as I was totally fine with my current situation, but they even they wanted to pay for it. I can afford a heater, they know that too, but they were just really worried about me, and they're worried my goals are taking control of me and making it so that I sacrifice comfort to an unreasonable extent.

Which is not true, of course.

That got me thinking about social signalling, by which I mean what people understand about us by the way that we look, talk, and so on, rather than the facts of the situation.

I think fashion plays a big role in this. I think my parents perceive my sense of fashion to be rather... Laid back, let's put it that way. Careless. Bummish. Admittedly, it is so. Now, I've decided to revolutionize my wardrobe for unrelated reasons, but I do see a change in perspective as an additional and very much welcome benefit. Wearing well-fitting jeans, clean and fashionable shoes, a nice jacket or cardigan once in a while? I think they see that and get good vibes, and I'm hoping they'll worry less. If I look put-together, they'll think I'm put-together, and stop harassing me about the weather. That rhymed. Whoever said prose is paragraphed poetry was correct.

Have I mentioned I bought new jeans? They should arrive soon. Tomorrow, or next Monday. Can't wait to try them out. The Levi's 514s I mostly wear now are really nice. Running the risk of being uncouth, allow me to mention, I do enjoy the way my butt does uh-look in them jeans. These ones I bought now are 501s, like the first ones I got and have since ingrown---lost weight, I wanted to use the opposite of outgrown but that is not what ingrown means.

And with that, I bid you

Adieu.

A cloak, a stoic expression, atop a mountain; Is there a better way to farm aura?

I don't really know why I decided to write this...

Comedy, I think. I think the whole concept of aura farming is absolutely hilarious. As in, falling on the floor grabbing my guts levels of hilarious. Can barely breathe levels of hilarious.

The cringe lines uttered---intentional use of the verb---by the farmers are always something else. I can barely move my fingers, as I write this. I'm heaving every breath.

The way people interact with each other has always been a bit confusing to me. I think that, at some point, I just gave up on thinking about why I find it such a mess, though I don't remember ever making the decision to move on.

There's a lot of drama in the Minecraft community, right now. Something about Dream and Tommyinnit or something? I watched a couple of short videos, but didn't really form an opinion on any one individual or take any sides. I guess my question is: how does one even get in this situation?

I feel like, for things to be wrong to the point where you're making a bunch of videos about each other, posts upon posts, worldwide web-gossip, you've had to have screwed up way ago.

I've had falling outs, I've had less-than-great interactions that I think were reasonable---more or less, at least---, but this is another level altogether. What's even going on? Moreover, people that are seemingly constantly embroiled in this drama, what are they even doing? Maybe I think too much. It's really hard for me to imagine finding myself in such a situation. For one, I avoid stuff like this like the plague, for two, I'd want to fix things, and for three I'd never recover from it happening once, much less twice or thrice?! MORE?!

Back in high-school, there was something going on with my friends. I can't tell you what happened, as I don't remember the details, but two girls that were best-friends, thick as thieves, had a huge falling out over a boyfriend or something. To this day, I can't tell who was wrong or right, and frankly, I don't care. It barely affected me, despite both of them being my friends. I was aware that something was happening, I witnessed some mean words being thrown, but it all just kind of flew by? Eventually, things were more or less resolved, though they aren't on good terms to this way, only tolerant of each other's presence. I think.

I use this anecdote to say that I've had some drama happen around me. I've been part of some dramatic things, first-hand and directly. I've cried with friends apologizing to each other and making up. I've people I don't speak to over... Something, quite frankly I don't know what happened, not really.

Well, I guess the bottom line is that people make mistakes?

My thoughts on this is that it'll pass. Maybe I just don't hold a grudge? Would people even hold grudges in situations I've been in?

As I think about it, I've done a lot of weird things.

I wonder if most people don't get in many fights at all. Maybe I'm actually weird to even have experienced something like that at all, to have events I can mention of things that went wrong. I don't know.

Here's a sonnet:

Please, just make up, already.
It's useless to keep fighting,
There's still sun in the morning
Whether you're dead or married.

Power down your computer,
Take your head out of your ass,
And stop being so damn crass!
If your grudge rings, just mute her!

A heartbeat is not a threat,
No mean word is a weapon.
Why don't you put down the guns?

Pot, kettle, or a black cat,
Pretend it was in good fun!
Why don't you put down the guns?

Not my best work, but at least I managed to squeeze the syllables in. Hopefully the meaning goes through. Should I have done 10 syllables? Maybe it would've been cuter, I feel like 7 is a bit short. I know nothing about English-language poetry, in case it's not glaringly obvious.

Here are 10 syllables, as a palate cleanser: To fight, to die; Soldier, is it the same?

I've been studying my Japanese quite intensely.

It's weird, I always feel like I'm improving, though it feels like it's impossible that I'm making significant strides in my journey in such little time. I suppose the conclusion I should take from this is that I'm actually not as further along as I think of myself as? OK, that's fine.

My lunch today was absolutely fantastic. It was so, so good. I genuinely considered walking up to the people in the canteen and asking about a recipe. It was that good. Tofu and couscous and rice and peas and soup and bread and an apple. It was beyond delicious. Maybe I was just starving. Or severely nutritionally deprived? I wonder if food tastes better if you're deficient in any one given nutrient, vitamin or whatever.

I cleaned my room today. It felt good to do it, since it was getting a little dirty. I also tried to organize my clothes a little bit, since a few of the items I've been wearing recently, mainly coats and jackets, had been piling up on my chair for a few days.

I've been trying to drink more water. Not sure if it's making much of a difference, considering I drink lots of water regardless, but I doubt it's hurting.

I've been eating too much like shit... I need to quit it! So I will.

I've also been thinking more and more about practising martial arts, specifically kick-boxing. I guess I'd want to learn grappling too, to be well-rounded. I used to do Judo, for a while, but I didn't like it at all. I'm different now, though, so maybe I'd feel differently about it.

I found a YT channel of a HS student posting video diaries. I thought it was similar to what I do here, but she titles every video "Entry #". Taking some inspiration.

I wore some old pants I had and was of two minds about them. First of all, I don't like them because they're stretchy. I think this is really what's fucked me throughout my pants-wearing journey: I hate stretch in my jeans. I've only warn very few jeans, in the grand scheme of things, but I've never worn a stretchy pair I like or a non-stretch pair I don't like. Coincidence? I think not! These ones are stretchy, and therefore uncomfortable. It's like I'm weirdly aware of them... It's hard to put into words. Maybe it's psychological but, at the end of the day, what matters is what I feel, and that's psychology, so that's what matters.

Visually, though, I think they looked totally fine. I didn't dislike seeing myself in them at all. They're not the straight fit that I've been preferring, but rather a sort of slim---or something to that effect---that tapered all the way down to my ankles. I think I can pull them off, but I do prefer the baggier look.

However, I found myself thinking back to my early university days. I wore those pants a few times... And I used to do that crease in the pants to make them hug my legs more. I'm not explaining this right, but I basically did something to make them be skinnier. At least I think it was these jeans, and that's really weird. I mean, they fit me totally fine, don't get me wrong, but they are not wide enough for me to do that, not even remotely close. How much skinnier was I!? I know there was a time in my first year at uni that I lost a lot of weight. It was a combination of a lot of walking, nervousness and stress, and a change in diet that lead to me dropping a lot. I didn't notice it at the time, until one day I hopped on the scale and saw some number... Which I have now forgotten. This is very frustrating to me. I don't think I was ever in the 50s, but I was in the low 60s, if I remember correctly. That is at least 13, maybe more kilograms less than what I currently weigh. That's crazy to think about, to be honest.

I still have a lot of work to do regarding my weight, even if I'm proud of what I've achieved so far. I intend to work hard to keep losing! I think I did reach my goal of 73 at some point, but I'm quite a bit above that right now on account of Christmas and New Years indulgences, but I'm still comfortably below 80 kg, which is a huge win for me any way I see it.

The CeraVe moisturizer is, so far, a gigantic failure. I tried to use it exclusively for a couple of days, but my skin felt so tight and uncomfortable that I felt I had to go back to Uriage, and when I did the difference was brutal. It's a totally different ball-game and the price difference is totally justified. Well, maybe I'm being unfair to the CeraVe moisturizer, I'm sure it works for some people, and maybe I didn't give it enough of a chance, but still. I'm gonna stick with Uriage, for now.

Now, to socks. I have these invisible (very short) socks that I wear all the time, but I'm not so sure about them. I like the idea of tiny socks and I think they're comfortable enough, but my mum has commented on them that they don't look too good when I'm sitting down because my pants ride up a little and it shows way too much ankle. I don't necessarily agree that's a bad look, but I do agree that it's something a little... Showy? I'm not sure that's the word I want to use there, but I mean that it's very much not me. As such, I've considered changing to ankle-high socks. Still relatively short, as far as socks go, but covering the ankle and therefore hopefully making it less of a thing when I'm sitting down. Also, they'll the back of my ankles a little better. When I walk a lot, I tend to get some friction burns in the back of my ankles---I've said this twice now, I mean the region of my Achilles tendon---and I'm hoping taller socks will help mitigate that.

Now trainers. I love the latest shoes I bought, I'm really looking forward to buying some other ones in that same vein. For now, I've been trying to keep them in good state, and I think I've succeeded. They could use a little cleaning, which I do do regularly, but other than that they're great. My shoes tend to get worn out in the back extremely fast, but they're looking solid so far, probably because I've been very careful putting them on and taking them out. It's nice to take care of the things you like.

Not sure if I've mentioned it, but I've put my old pants up for sale. €30. Hopefully someone buys them.

I'm not proofreading this post.

The jeans I got 4 months ago don't fit me. Or rather, they overfit me, they're way too baggy. As such, I've decided to finally purchase a new pair of pants. Second hand of course, as I'm a prince of sustainability, my grace is eternal and... Very gracious. I don't know where I was going with that, but I got some Levi's 501s in my size. They look brand-new, in the pictures, so I'm hoping it's a good purchase. Just over €20, after shipping. Not a bad price, I would say. I've very happy with my previous purchase on Vinted; I really hope I can strike gold a second time.

I'm gonna be selling my old pants. They're in perfect condition, just oversized. They cost an arm and a leg, but if I can get even just 30 bucks back for them that'd be fantastic.

I'll take some pictures and set things up tomorrow.

I've been particularly preoccupied with my personal hygiene, as of late. It's not that I think I'm unhygienic, but I do think it can be improved. Additionally, I think these habits will really make a difference in how people treat you and how long you'll get to live a stress-free life. Also, the more I think of my retirement, the more I think of the issues that are gonna come with that, specifically in old age, namely tooth decay. As such, I've elected to invest in that.

I've been flossing, lately. I didn't use to. I'm not perfect, and it's a pain in the ass, and I need to buy those interdental brushes (weren't available at my local grocery store, for some reason, but I'll look somewhere else after I make this post, worry not), but I'm doing it. I hope it'll improve my oral health. I also got an Oral-B Pro Series 3. It ran me a nice bill, but I'm hoping it'll be one of those things that last me a long, long time, and hopefully the longevity of my teeth will make it worth it.

I also got CeraVe moisturizing lotion. I have terrible skin, always have, and I've used Uriage Xémose my whole life. I mean it, literally my whole life, my mum bought it for me as an infant I'm pretty sure. I'm a little sceptical of CeraVe, since I'm so used to Uriage's products, but I'm willing to give it a fair shot. Also, I'm strongly considering buying a CeraVe cleanser and a La Roche-Posay sunscreen. Maybe I'm overdoing it, with going for "brand-stuff" instead of just buying some cheap thing, but I've been burnt before with subpar products... My skin does not take kindly to mismanagement.

I've developed a bit of a skincare routine to try and improve my skin health. I know stress is a huge factor in my skin health, and so is the wintertime---I'm not having a good time, right now---but I feel like my routine of just... Intense moisturizing is, perhaps, suboptimal. Cleanser + Moisturizer + Sunscreen seems to be the standard, as far as basic skincare routines go. It's a lot of money though, and I'm unsure of how it'll last. I know the moisturizer should last me a long time, and I don't really doubt that the cleanser will as well, but the sunscreen is a bit of a problem. From what I can see, it won't last me very long at all, if I use it regularly... Pain in the ass. I don't think that's the most critical step, anyway, and depending on what I'm gonna be doing on any given day I suppose I can forgo its usage, but still. Upsetting.

That's about it, really, as far as hygiene goes, that I want to improve on. I'll test out my toothbrush today, and I'll make sure to stick to the CeraVe moisturizer for a week to see how I like it.

If anyone that knows anything about this stuff is reading this, feel free to let me know what you think of the CeraVe moisturizing lotion as compared to other products in the category, as well as the CeraVe moisturizing cream. I was undecided between both, but I decided to go with the lotion because it seemed to be closer in texture to the moisturizer I'm used to, though I have no idea if one is better or more effective than the other.

Byebye.

Whenever I hear about India, life in India, travelling to India, it seems beyond awful.

I've talked to some Indians online, and it's been hit-or-miss, which is to be expected. I'd also expect IRL Indian people to be mostly reasonable, like, you know, people everywhere? Somehow though, everything I hear online about India (the country) is that it's dirty, misogynistic, and rude. I know that there's a higher chance for people to share the extremes---meaning that terrible experiences in India get shared more than normal experiences do---but it's still remarkable.

I actually wanted to visit India very much, I've even mentioned in my last (or second to last?) post that I'm planning to learn Hindi, but this stuff is messed up. I wonder if Goa is much different from the rest of the country. I wonder what India is really like.

As part of my Japanese learning, I read. I love Toradora---I've watched the anime several times and read the light novel, as well---so I decided that something in that same vein (drama, romance) would be a good bet for a light novel that I would enjoy, in Japanese, and that I could use to learn.

I picked "How to Keep a Distance from a Beautiful Girl," by Maromi Maroyaka. It's a webnovel, which makes it very accessible and the browser-based side of it does also help with looking stuff up and actually learning new words and grammar. Overall, I'd say it's just OK. I don't love it so far (I'm on Chapter 2...), but I see the appeal and I'll keep at it, at least for a little while longer.

The main character is a guy that lives a very detached life. I mean that he doesn't really have friends, he doesn't go out with people, he's not interested in getting a girlfriend... It's not that he's a bad person, or even unfriendly---as a matter of fact, he's very friendly and does have one (1) good friend, so he's relatively well-adjusted---, he simply doesn't care to live a life plugged into the social sphere. Hence, detached. The novel does strongly indicate that he doesn't actually feel this way, my guess is that there was some sort of trauma that we're gonna learn about eventually, and, as the title might suggest, he'll almost certainly start engaging with more and more people as the story progresses until he has a large social circle. Hopefully I'm wrong about the cliché progression of the narrative, but I suppose I'll have to read to find out.

I watched a video that brought up what I thought was a very poignant point: if you want a good accent in a second language, you need to focus on listening first, and then reading. The idea is that, if you're already familiar with the language (structure, vocabulary), your brain will simply skip over the spoken word. You know what's being said, because you know the language, so you'll fail to pick up on the sound of the language, and therefore never develop a truly native accent. Is this based in any science at all? No clue. Might be total rubbish. However, it does sound weirdly reasonable.

Truth be told, I don't care if it's true, but I shall use it as an excuse to introduce variety into my study sessions. I'm big on reading, so if I don't have a reason to listen, I'll probably neglect it.

Whenever I listen to Japanese, I find myself shocked at how much I understand. I miss a lot, mind you, but I can honestly keep up with basic conversation. If people are talking about "normal" or "everyday" things, I can most definitely understand them. Reading too, though often I don't actually know how to read something, I usually know what it means. Kanji are tough, but very cool.

And with that, I'm out.

A new year. I've decided to start some better habits.

I feel like I try to start better habits every other week, but some of them have been sticking, which I see as a very positive thing. If you do enough things poorly, it might just amount to doing one thing well. Or whatever.

I'm fluent in two languages. I think so, at least. My English isn't perfect, but I'd say it's functional enough to satisfy. Actually, I remember reading some Reddit posts I had made many years ago, as a kid, really, and finding them completely incomprehensible. I posted to r/Jokes; I must've thought whatever I meant to say was absolutely hilarious, but it was just gibberish. I point this out to say that I'm at a point in my English language learning that I can tell that I've improved a lot even from a point where I thought I was already really good. I'm hoping this means I'm actually really good now.

Digressing, Japanese. I don't really speak it, per se, but I do hold what I consider to be a walk around level of Japanese. If I were to need to make my needs known to a random Japanese person, I would more than likely be able to do so. I would struggle, no doubt, but I'd get it done. I'm confident. Similarly, if a Japanese person---with the patience of a saint---wanted to tell me something, I would probably be able to understand them, provided they speak slowly and choose simple words. I think I fucked up my tenses there, by the way, in case you---the reader---noticed, just know I'm aware.

I also want to know---speak and read and write and listen---French, because I think it's one of those languages that a lot of people just randomly know, so it'll provide a very good bridge for communication with people whose languages I don't speak. A lot of African countries use French as a lingua franca or have it as an official language, for one. My Portuguese endows me with a good-enough understanding of Spanish, in my opinion, that learning the language would probably be very unsatisfying and not really change much of my interactions with Spanish content online.

The other language I want to learn is Hindi. There's lots of Hindi speakers all over the world, though mainly in India, of course. I'm just a bit... Well, the problem is that I don't really know anything about Indian culture and the linguistic landscape over there, so I don't know how useful it'd actually be. At the end of the day, I guess it's fine. I know there's lots of Hindi stuff online, so it'll probably be fine, but still, I'm slightly concerned about whether or not it's the right choice. My other idea was learning Arabic, but I don't like the idea of having to learn MSA and then a dialect, likely Egyptian Arabic. It just sounds really annoying. Also, I feel like learning Chinese after learning Japanese is such a cliché for a European guy that likes anime that I'd rather not do that. Perhaps a bad move, but learning a language, regardless of which one it is, seems unlikely to be to my detriment, regardless.

And with that, I conclude my diatribe.

In other words, byebye.

I don't really like those hyper-minimalist homes with blank walls and a single, cube-of-wood bedside table. They look empty

in a bad way

and soulless; they lack personality.

However, I don't really think personality can be bought, at least not in a shop. Buying some cool lamps or vases to put your succulents in, or something like that, feels tacky and soulless too. Reminds me of those clichés of people wearing band-shirts and getting asked "name 10 songs by that band!!!!" and such. Hilarious memes, by the way.

There's a sticker of the Gladewater Rodeo Round-up in my room. No clue if someone actually participated or attended or whatever you do at that thing, but it's a real event, and a real sticker. That's the kind of thing I want to have in my home. That's personality.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I want to do things, and then get mementos from those things, and then put them in my house. Revolutionary idea, I know. I simply had never thought of that before.

The marriage thing was not that bad. The food was meh, really everything was fine. It was tolerable. I liked the coat I wore, it made me feel cosy and nice, and I think it looked kinda cool.

I miss watching livestreams. I keep missing my favourite streamer because I've been doing a bunch of stuff these past couple of weeks... Dang it.

That's it.