this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2025
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I strongly disagree with the assumption that every person you know, has hurt you in some way.
I know several people who have never caused me any harm. Whether I am/was in a relationship with them or not. And I can pretty much guarantee they feel the same way.
I've had relationships that fizzled out so thoroughly that both of us kind of forgot we were in a relationship at all and months later we caught up with eachother and we both liked at eachother and said, well, I guess we're not a couple anymore..... We stayed friends. Nobody got hurt.
Idk. There are ways to behave and act that prevent these kinds of things. Having high quality people in your life helps.
Don't get me wrong, I know I'm incredibly fortunate to be in the position I'm in and not everyone can say the same. But the idea that it is impossible to know someone without being hurt by them, to me, is not the case. However unlikely, it is possible.
Conflict is natural and inevitable in any relationship. The only way two people never hurt each other is to never depend on each other, never be close enough to impinge on each other, never share truths with each other, never share resources with each other. In other words, to forego anything that might make it tangibly a relationship in the first place. And even that is no guarantee.
We are social animals. That means we live in a constant superposition of cooperation and competition with everyone we ever meet. There is a tension in all relationships that you fail to recognize.
Thanks for the social commentary jerkface.
I have my fair share of disagreements with everyone I know, the aforementioned conflict you have suggested.
The difference is that me, and the group of people I've cultivated as my friends, family, and partners, discuss things productively, rather than bicker and argue.
As a result, we reach productive outcomes that don't trample everyone's feelings.
I'm sorry that you do not have that kind of relationship in your life. If you did, you would recognize that conflict and disagreement do not need to end with harm to either party.
As you said, you've had conflict with them. That's really what I'm getting at. Not that every person you know will hurt you deeply, but simply that maintaining human relationships means that sometimes, you will fail to respect each others boundaries, often unknowingly. It's those moments that cause the friction you're referring to.
If you want another way to look at it, what the image in the OP is really saying, is that you can tell a lot about someone by talking to them about their part in those moments of friction, when they didn't respect your boundary (whether or not they did so knowingly). Do they listen to you, and take what you're saying onboard, or do they discount what you're saying and disregard the boundary you communicate?
Notably, that's also a really good light to shine on our own reactions from time to time.
Your original statement was that by knowing someone, you have been hurt by them. I presume that requires some amount of timeline which is undefined (that's not the point so I'll move on).
That is literally what you said. Yet now, you're not talking about hurt, you're talking about friction, disagreement, as if that will, in all cases, cause hurt.
You're qualifying your statements so much they're saying something different than your original point. You're moving the goal posts.
If I continue to argue with you, implying I accept that you've moved the goal posts and your point is still somehow valid, then it would be impossible for me to "win" in this discussion.
I refuse.
By moving the goal posts, I assert that you are unable to prove your absolute point that everyone has been hurt by the people that they know, so you are altering your statement to something more reasonable that is a more easily defensible position. You have given up your original point and you are trying to convince me that this new statement is equivalent to your original statement.
No thanks.
Have a good day.
People fight, disagree and cross each other boundaries. Sometimes seriously, sometimes not. That's the hurt I was talking about. It happens in every single relationship at some point. And talking about those moments with people is a useful litmus test.
In a really healthy relationship, those moments don't escalate, simmer or build up, because they're talking about and addressed. In an unhealthy relationship, even the little ones build up over time, because they're not addressed.
And if you are talking to someone about one of those moments, and they always want to ignore it, push back against it or simply change the topic, then that tells you something meaningful about how healthy your relationship with that person is.
Still not the original argument. But please, keep digging.
I think this discussion stands out as an example of the types of reactions the post was referring to...
I am unbothered by this interaction.
My jimmies remain unruffled.
Did you get so emotionally invested into this discussion that you feel hurt?