Funny story, so I ended up hooking up with the bartender at my local spot years ago. But was completely unaware.

Went there pretty much every day after work for a beer and dinner or a snack. It was a popular working ppl bar. Pretty much made friends with the whole staff over the years, went to weddings, gave relationship advice, etc. The bartender and I would often sneak to the bathroom to do some blow.

But this whole time I'm like yeah, sure I'm friends with some people here but mostly it's just when I'm here and definitely nothing romantic. One night I ended up closing out, had just broke up with someone, and she insisted I stay while she closed up. Then she was like, you wanna stay at my place? I was like yeah I've had a bit to drink that's really nice she was concerned. So I'm still 100% oblivious, sitting on her bed while she went to grab a beer, until she comes back in just in lingerie and beers. We didn't drink the beers haha.

He polls favorably among men who claim to be alphas but slip roofies in girls drinks

Bro I think that stripper likes me

See also:

• Men who think the barista likes them because they read their name from a cup.
• Men who think they don't need to tip their waitress and instead leave their number instead.
• Men who expect a happy ending when getting a massage and again, don't leave a tip when they're sent away without one.

Once again The Onion not being satire.

This feels like a statement that's definitely true and only counts as satire because nobody has tested it yet

"Man, she keeps smiling at me. I think she digs me."

J.D. Vance is a festering tumor in a suit. But I really do think Nia was hitting on me the other night.

No bits on tips