DeathByBigSad

"Survival mode" was basically my family's first few years as new immigrants before we managed to move on from that stage. I don't think we even had "6-figures", far from it.

Now the entirety of America get to experience what is it like to be an immigrant lol.

Still remember in Brooklyn, I was in elementary school. I was in an afterschool program than ran until 6PM, I was just waiting, as the clock ticking... minute and minute goes by, other kids get picked up from school. Until there are only a few kids left, then someone enters the cafeteria where us kids were waiting, I thought is that mom?, but it was someone elses parent... this goes on and on... until I was the only one left. But my mom still hasn't come. 6:30PM. I was so afraid CPS was gonna get involved. Authorities were terrifying for me as a kid. I mean, who knows, immigration status could've been at risk. This scene repeats itself very often.

Mom had work until very late, so get picked up very late. Not always the last one, but always very late, the last few, but then there are days where I get very ublocky and end up being the last one to get picked up.

I get so anxious and scared and felt so alone, until my mother shows up.

You can guess why I eventually end up with depression.

Lmao, was intended to be a "or" symbol since memory is fuzzy and forgot the exact age I had the fish.

But um... I am Asian, so the scale is quite different from the standard scale. You know... "100 on a test? pfff, where is your extra credits, son?"

(okay maybe I exaggerated a little, but this is common in Asian families. I have talked to fellow Chinese-American classmates, and this is a thing, high grades are expectations. But I'm a failure so my parents already expect me to have bad grades lol)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Travelers_(TV_series)

RIP that one fish I had when I was 10/11

Traveler Program V 1.0 = MISSION SUCCESSFUL

Well done, Traveler 3468, congrats to you and your team.

PROTOCOL OMEGA - Enjoy the 21st

Bruh they really have no right to judge. They watch short-form videos on WeChat in the livingroom on loudspeakers. Weird skits with overdramatized acting. WTF are they even watching. Its like tik-tok but more boomer and cringy.

I have Asian parents (we live in the US) and they're kinda abusive, mostly emotionally, and yes the trying to get in your room all the time was kind of "normal" in my "overton window" of parents. (emphasis on quotes, I'm not saying the "normal" equates to acceptable)

As for invasion of privacy, yes that was a common thing. My mother is constantly try to get access to my phone because she's "worried about bad influences" or some shit. Like around when I was like 13, 14(?)... That kinda stopped when I got older.

The sexual aspects... idk, they said porn was bad, but I never really had any parental controls on my stuff (the stuff they allowed me to have, technically electronics not "my" things, more like they bought me stuff after I sort of begged for it). For context, Asia really represses the sex-related stuff, especially in China, where we were from, porn is blocked, like you could theoretically go to jail for porn, even of depictions of consenting adults. But even in democratic countries like South Korea, its still blocked (though, VPN access is easier in South Korea).

So yea... I never really told them about the porn... which I eventually kinda stopped anyways because I think I might be just asexual lol. But yea if they found out, they'd think its like "damaging for the brain" or something, they treat it almost like if you chatted with adults strangers or something.

Like "if you watch too much sexual stuff, you're gonna lose the ability to reproduce" or some stupid shit. I don't think China even has sex-education lmao. They never even said a thing, until I just randomly mentioned about my mother's period stuff just as a subtle indicator of "yes, I know how human anatomy works lol", they never really said a thing. Never had "the talk" lol. Very weird family dynamics in thos aspect.

I never had a journal, didn't feel safe. I mean, I was very nerdy with codes and stuff so I'd probably have used a code had I been journaling.

My older brother never really dared to go through my stuff ever since I got my own room and like I got older. Like dude I can fight, sure, we both get hurt, but its like Mutually Assured Destruction, wanna start shit, I'll mess us both up. Still, I worry he might perceive a transgression for something I didn't do and then "revenge" on such perceived grievance. So yea its kinda like cold war all the time.

But as for the "test your sexuality" stuff, never happened. They kinda just assumed everyone is heterosexual. Religion isn't that serious in China, so its never as crazy as the American South and the "Christians". But yes it's still very hetero-normative society.

My mom joked about "do you have any girlfriends? no? what about gay-friends?" then laughs like its funny or something. But also tells me to focus on school and not romance stuff. I don't think they oppose romance, but they are more worried about grades. But then again, I'm kinda asexual so I never bother with romance anyways.

If I was gay, I think my mother would, not really shame the gay aspect, but more like the "what about my grandchildren" type of stuff, and be disappointed, and would probably try to use inheritances as leverage (I assume, since this part is hypothetical). Like.. being "gay" isn't really a "sin", but "continuing the bloodline" is very important somehow, everyone in Asia is obsessed about it. So yeah, on thay aspect, they'll be disappointed. But I think they'll still be happy I have a "gay-friend", they'll just assume I'll "eventually become heterosexual again" and this is just gonna become another normal friend, as if this is just a "phase". Again, hypothetical, as I'm not actually gay.

As for if I was trans... yea no... they'll think it's 变态 and a mental illness and would constantly try to "cure" me of it. Or probably disown me for being "broken". This is less of anti-trans, more like ableism. I mean I have depression and they already treat me like I'm sort of "broken" and they are talking of leaving me out of inheritances lol.

Closes Chinese Dictionary

"Listen here you little shit..."

But I mean I guess they should make a new term called 植-动物 with the 植 (to plant, to establish) character from 植物 (planted/established objects, aka: plants), thus making it "planted- moving object", aka: plant-like animal; or conversely 动-植物 with the 动 (moving) from 动物 (moving objects, aka: animal), thus making it "moving- planted object", aka: animal-like plant.

Its like word lego.

Huh?

Lol, no I'm not watching porn, lmao.

"Studies show that 9/10 doctors recommend smoking and that it's safe and healthy."

Isn't Syzygy the thing in Three Body Problem that causes chaos for the planets because some weird 3 suns allignment and the gravity thing?

So... is the cat Syzygy just as chaotic as the astronomical phonomeon known as Syzygy? Is that how the name came from?

No, actually my mother flies around in circles in a F15 and fires warning rockets at me all the time...

...wait what did you say again? Sorry the missile explosions are too loud can't hear you!