I'm a transmasc demiboy, but I don't really like to present myself very masculine. I still love wearing skirts, I like painting my nails, even wearing light makeup.

I'm not happy about the idea of having facial hair or a deeper voice, which is why I have not yet started HRT, even though I'll probably need to in some capacity since I do want phalloplasty in the future.

I also have no desire for top surgery since I don't want to lose sensation in my nipples, and I don't want to have scars on my chest. They don't bother me anyway, they're small (about an A cup). Just about the only masculine thing I do is that I cut my hair short, not super short, but still shorter than what would be considered feminine.

Is this normal? Does anyone else have similar experiences? I've been told I don't act enough like a boy and that I need to be more masculine.

My insurance denied covering my testosterone for the second time (UGH) and I can't afford the packets I usually take here ($120 even with goodrx) so I'm wondering if the gel pump would be cheaper. Anybody know?

I wanted to give an update on my progress:

My voice has gotten much better. There was a period of time where it was almost hard to speak and I could barely sing and thought my voice would sound like shit forever but I am happy to report that it has leveled out. It even sounds good and has a rich tone.

Losing my voice peremantly was my biggest fear with starting T. Took the risk and I am so glad that it didn't happen.

After moving states to a much more progressive one i feel like i get clocked all of the time here, whereas back home that rarely ever happened. When i pass by male strangers they dont do the nod thing to me. its very disconcerting. I get they'd by people who don't know me. I wish I could know what it was that makes people clock me like that. It feels like I'm not man enough here. Not being stealth feels like being naked. I don't like it.

Part of me wants to talk about my experiences as a trans man because it is a unique expierence that needs to be known, but at the same time I feel like as soon as I tell people I'm trans I automatically become Man Lite™ and a bunch of assumptions are made about me. And then I'm not man enough and am not treated as any other man would be treated. I wish T would do its magic already. I'm constantly feeling dysphoric these days.

i have a decent amount of acne after starting T. I wash my face every night with a cleanser scrub thing but still get lots of blackheads and pimples. Any tips at how to minimize this?

ive been ten months on T, got plenty of new hair everywhere except my face. havent even gotten one new hair there. all the men in my family have no trouble growing facial hair. why tf am i not getting a single one

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/18976375

Transgender issues largely absent from the DNC

This is what I wear most of the time. I'm too paranoid to post my face at the present, but how am I doing otherwise?

https://www.imagebam.com/view/MEVE52T https://www.imagebam.com/view/MEVE52U https://www.imagebam.com/view/MEVE52V https://www.imagebam.com/view/MEVE52W https://www.imagebam.com/view/MEVE52X

I've been having new permanent freckles appearing on my body since starting T. Is this a thing anybody else has expierenced

Is hims minoxidil acceptable for facial hair growth? I tried rosemary oil but so far nothing has improved. I'm also unable to upload photos. I don't know where else to ask about it so I'm sorry this is off topic. I get this message: {"data":{"msg":"Failed with status exit status: 1","files":null},"state":"success"}

I'm new and wondering if it's allowed to post photos and ask if you pass, like on r/ftmpassing

For those of you who don't know, the Blahaj Zone admin team runs a matrix space for gender diverse folk. Similar to lemmy, it's designed with a few "official" channels, but is otherwise a community curated space, with channels run by our members. You don't have to be a blahaj zone user to join.

If you're already a matrix user, you can head straight to our application room https://matrix.to/#/#gv-apply:chat.blahaj.zone, or by searching for #gv-apply:chat.blahaj.zone from within your matrix client.

If you're new to matrix, you can find some more details and an instruction video on how to get up and running here https://chat.blahaj.zone/c/genderverse/

We need more transmasculine people (and people in general) on here. If you know a transmasculine person please get them to check this place out. Spread the word!

Annoyed with tgsupply for very long order wait times and being out of stock of almost everything I was gonna get but this article is helpful nonetheless.

It's been about six and a half months that I've been on T and I have seen great progress.

I have been on 25mg of 1% gel this entire time, but my T levels (last time they were checked, which has been a while) have shown up in normal cis male levels, so it seems that my body is processing it as it would a normal dose (50mg of 1%).

My voice has changed some and singing got a lot harder. It's gotten better since but is still not where I would like it to be. I hear it'll get better with time. I think I will likely end up a baritone (pre-t was a tenor on the high end)

Been getting hairier, but not much substantial growth on my face. Mainly on my stomach. Arm and leg hair has gotten thicker but since it's blond it's not very noticeable.

Shoulders look somewhat broader. My chest has gotten substantially smaller and looks more like moobs than boobs now. Other than that body fat redistribution has been slow and is not happening as quickly as I would like.

Self image has improved a lot. I can stand to look at myself in the mirror without immediately recoiling now. I can actually bear to look at photographs of myself now, even when I'm not binding and am in PJs. I see me in those photos, a guy, not some external otherworldly being who I don't immediately recognize. That has made me have to face some of my flaws that I previously ignored and discounted because I was so separated from my sense of self. It's painful, but the good kind that helps you to grow.

Bottom growth has definitely happened, and my junk is definitely bigger. Acts more like a penis now with erections and the likes. Gets a prickly feeling from time to time which is uncomfortable. I'm assuming that means growth.

Face looks more masc, acne is different. I get neck acne now and it tends to be flatter than it was before.

Definitely have boy stank now. I smell pretty bad after less time sweating. More "sour" body odor.

My hairline is slowly receding. It looks good for now but it will likely progress till I'm bald. Oh well.

All and all, I feel like it takes a lot less effort to pass now. That frees up a lot of physical and emotional effort that I previously devoted to passing and I can now live more freely. I've still got a long ways to go but progress is slow and steady.

I recently got this STP from rodeoh and I'm having trouble with leakage. Granted, I've only used it a handful of times in the shower, but I find my stream is too strong and it overflows the basin of the STP before it can exit the shaft and then it leaks out everywhere.

What are some tips to mitigate that? (Additional general STP tips are also highly welcome)

see OP: https://beehaw.org/post/14997523

sorry for the delay on the writeup! life is pretty busy for me. that said, the bottom surgery consult went pretty well all around, i think

as a quick note, i've been presenting and on HRT for about 4.5 years, so i don't think about it much. but the requirements for getting metoidioplasty (or the consult, even) is to be on HRT for at least a (continuous) year and (maybe optionally?) presenting male for the same amount of time (i actually wasn't clear on this, they asked me, but i'm not sure if there was a strict minimum). they also required me to get two referral letters from qualified mental health professionals (thankfully, my therapist and psychiatrist were able to write these for me)

i got shown in and talked with the assistant, who basically broke down the surgery and went over the different customizable parts (e.g. you can get different kinds of meta, you can optionally get urethral lengthening, scrotoplasty, testicular implants, etc)

after that, dr. keith came in to chat with me. after that, i had to undress from the waist down. you'll have to be comfortable with a doc poking around your bits, but i would hope you are, if you're coming to let them slice them up and re-arrange them, too. during this, he pulled my mons pubis back to give an example of how things would look if he did a mons resection (said i might even need a revision, too 😭)

after that, i re-dressed and we went into his office, which had a big fancy leather couch, and talked about the anatomy of the AFAB clitoris and its blood supplies, as well as bemoaning the current state of both scientific studies on women and trans people. he showed me pictures of his work (very good) which spans both metoidioplasty to various degrees and phalloplasty

if i were to decide to get the metoidioplasty, they would schedule 3 months of topical testosterone to be applied to the gland of the clitoris every day, along with instructions to pump every day for those 3 months. it gives them more tissue to work with, according to the doctor. it's important to note that dr. keith is making you responsible for working with your current testosterone prescribing doctor to monitor your testosterone levels, because it will elevate them, and you will likely need to reduce your dosage to account for the topical testosterone

overall, it was a good and educational visit. i didn't learn TOO much, because i have done a lot of research ahead of time, but the things i did learn were very important:

• urethral lengthening without vaginoplasty: in general, apparently urethral lengthening is, by far, the riskiest part of meta/phallo. dr. keith compared doing UL without vaginoplasty as akin to building a house on an unsteady foundation. he also cited something like a 60% complication rate from the other doctors who do UL without vaginoplasty. as mentioned in my OP, i'm not too keen on UL myself, due to a large typical ejaculation volume, so i'm not that hung up on it. although thinking about it now, i think i would potentially feel weirder about it, post-surgery, than i do now. well, i'll sort it out later...
• phalloplasty following meta: dr. keith says this is totally fine. there'll be some extra scar tissue due to the meta, but it's not a problem. he also said that it's not his first choice to do meta and then phallo, like, if it's possible for you to settle on phallo first, it is a little better. but you can definitely do meta and then phallo
• reduction of labia majora: totally possible, mons resection, might require a revision if you have a lot
• HGH treatment: a complete no, it's not studied / proven in any way and it's not legal in the US. very understandable answer, but i did have to ask LOL
• (not in the original post) ordering of hysterectomy and metoidioplasty: the order doesn't really matter, but the hysto is a big surgery, so if i did it first, i'd need to give it at least 3 months before getting the metoidioplasty. i didn't ask about the reverse order, but i think it would probably be similar
• (not in the original post) insertion of a semi-rigid prosthesis in meta patients (https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/26895269.2023.2279273): i found this after my original post, but apparently there are some docs that are doing meta with a semi-rigid prosthesis. if you don't know, the clitoral bodies are wrapped by the tunica albueinea, just like in the penis, but the clitoral tunica only has one layer (whereas the penial tunica has 2); so it's more difficult to get hard for trans men. so the insertion of a semi-rigid prosthesis is an appealing option to mitigate this. i asked dr. keith about this, and he mentioned that the device is being used and implanted successfully by doctors in europe. unfortuately, they're not seeking FDA approval in the US because it's expensive and the market share is too small, but i had the option to travel over there if it was something i wanted (and he would refer me, as well)
• dr. keith also mentioned that there are similar devices which are FDA approved for cisgender men, so somewhat jokingly, i said that, if i got big enough, he would be able to put one of those in me. he said he has both never seen someone get that big (at least 4 inches) and that he's never implanted one himself, but it was at least FDA approved

so overall, a very good visit. the only thing i would want them to improve is to give their own pronouns before asking for yours. i get they're trying to be polite, but it feels a bit like asking for someone's name before you give your own, you know? but otherwise, i felt like they were very kind, professional, and knowledgeable about the whole process

as for whether or not i'm going to get surgery at this point, i think i'm gonna figure out how to go to south korea. i realized it's probably... not cheap but much more affordable if i just fly there and get the HGH, instead of flying there and getting the HGH and meta. i'm gonna call (at some point) and talk to them about it, get information about flying to south korea, see if the 2 week covid quarantine is still in effect, etc etc. if i do that, i will be sure to post here about how it goes, as well :)

hope this was informative and educational for everyone here about what your goals might be for the future!

hey y'all, i have my bottom surgery consult on tuesday, for metoidioplasty, specifically. at the moment, i'm not interested in pursuing phalloplasty, although i'm not taking it off the table entirely, it's for a later time

the doctor i will be consulting with is dr jonathan keith in new jersey

i wanted to give y'all the opportunity to post any questions you might have about it. i might be able to answer myself, but if not, i will try to ask the doctor as well

for full context, i don't expect to schedule the surgery coming out of this appointment.

• i am going to ask about the potential of HGH treatment to improve bottom growth, as one clinic in south korea is pursuing (https://www.urodoc.co/ftm-metoidioplasty.htm)
• i also plan to ask about options for reduction of the labia majora, because that's a big concern i have with my body, specifically
• additionally, i will ask about how a theoretical phalloplasty following metoidioplasty would work
• finally, i will also ask about urethral lengthening without vaginoplasty (my preferred option), although i expect the doc will confirm what the research says about the heightened risk of urethral fistula post surgery. i'm also not sure that it's something i'd want, as i think my typical ejaculation volume would be... inconvenient for sex, to say the least

also on my list, but not strictly about the surgery, is asking about the anatomy of the arterial structures that feed the clitoral cavernosum bodies (i know their penial analogues and can find decent diagrams, but finding the equivalent clitoral diagrams is challenging)

i will write a follow up post with this information, as well as my general experience at the appointment, after it happens on tuesday (probably wed or thurs)

I'm curious what yalls expierence with this is

I got this "binder" recently. I like it better than any one I've had so far (I'd estimate that I've gone through about eight from various brands).

Pros:

-Very breathable, can exercise in it without feeling like death

-Not terrible in hot weather

-Doesn't show under a lot of shirts, though if you have a shirt with a wide neck it'll show, but does look like an undershirt as opposed to a bra since the neck is high.

-Helps with hiding hip fat

-Feels natural. I forget I'm wearing this sometimes. Probably would be fine sleeping in it as well, though it's good practice to take breaks.

Cons:

-If you have a bigger chest this isn't gonna do the best of jobs binding since it's got less compression than a typical binder. It's still not the worst option in that case, but you won't look completely flat. It's worked well for me flatness wise.

-I wouldn't wear this by itself because it doesn't fit like a regular shirt. Definitely looks an undergarment.

-It smells like a McDonald's playground right out of the package. I recommend you add baking soda into the wash to get the smell out faster.

-I suspect this will stretch out the longer I use it. The solution is to dry it on low as opposed to air dry it. It's got cotton in it so it'll shrink.

I recommend you only get it in black or white if your concern is passing. A lot of cis men will wear undershirts (typically in white, sometimes black, but never in nude).

If you're in-between measurements, order a size up. I made the mistake of getting a size down and I wasn't even able to get it over my head. Had to exchange it which took a while.

If you're interested in a binder with flatter coverage I will post a review of the underworks ultimate binder if requested. Underworks is by far my favorite binder brand for many reasons.

1 month update: it still works well. Am happy with my purchase.

I found this to be helpful. I've been having a lot of anxiety around my voice changing so some sort of info on what to expect made me feel better.

Hi, I'm Zeke. I'm 32 and last year I finally came to the conclusion that I am transmasc after years of being unhappy with who I was and how I looked. I've done so much research into it, but I'm still left with questions. First off, I should say that I have opted not to do HRT. HRT has too many health risks that I can't take due to heart related issues that run in my family. It's not worth that risk to me. So I'm trying a different route.

I've decided to go the route of surgery w/ changes to how I dress and how I get my hair cut. I've lost about 18.6lbs out of 25lbs to get my top surgery and so far it has been really good for me health wise and affirming wise. I'm so close to the first step and I can't wait for the positive effects especially since my bust size causes physical discomfort and shortness of breath so it's a two in one benefit. My questions for this one is "Does silicone gel work better than lotion for scars?" and "Are you comfortable being topless for swimming/beach visits?"

Now here's where I most uncomfortable because I've heard of people being negative about it, but I plan to get vocal surgery to deepen my voice. Here's where my questions come in. Has anyone else gotten this surgery? If so, what's it like and what were your experiences with recovery? How different has it made your voice?

I just wonder if others have chosen the surgical route. I don't have anyone or anywhere else to ask these questions so I figured I'd drop them here. Thank you for any answers!

i got top surgery (double mastectomy) like 3.5 years ago now. i stuck to massaging my scars because i didn't actually want to reduce the appearance of my scars (idk why i was worried about this, they're fucking massive LOL). i was more concerned with blood flow / nerve functionality than appearance

however, that was 3.5 years ago and, due to some unrelated scarring (i scar like a mfer (i keloid a lot)), i got recommended to get some silicone tape, so i was like, what the hell, i'll put it on my top scars too

i also got nipple grafts, so i've been putting it on the edges of my nipples as well (i've noticed they're scarred quite badly on the outside)

note that my skin seems to be allergic to the glue in standard adhesives, so i've actually been using silicone gel, just applied topically twice a day, instead of silicone tape / strips (i'm also using a lot, so it would be a lot of tape to put on / take off / clean every day... the gel you just wash off)

it's a really good excuse to be shirtless more often during the day, and the results have been pretty promising thus far, 2 weeks in. my scars already feel a lot softer. i think the gel has also been helping things get cleaned out... my scars have been a little prickly and itchy, which is generally a good sign for that happening. so you might consider it for helping restore your blood flow / nerve functionality as well

also cool that it's still working after this many years... i guess 3.5 years is a lot to some people, but not a lot in the absolute scale of things

just something for y'all to think about. i've heard it does help reduce the appearance of scars, if that's something you want (i think they look badass, so i'm tryina show em off)

for the science of how this works, from what i've found, we can consistently reproduce the effects of softening / reducing scars, but we have no actual idea how it works LOL. so that's kind of interesting

have you gotten top surgery? what kind, and did / do you use silicone for treating the scars? if you haven't gotten top surgery, is this something you'd want to do?

(additional note: i'm not sure how long you need to wait after getting top surgery to apply the silicone tape/gel, but i would check w/ your doc and wait till they're fully healed at the very least)