I've somehow managed about a year and a half without drinking. A couple things helped me stop but the biggest one was the people in my life supporting me and the deep connections I had. I'm poly and married (for now anyway) so a lot of my emotional stability is through having several people very close to me.

This fucking year though. This year I lost my anchor partner who I was expecting to move in with, two other long term partners, a third long-term partner hasn't been talking to me much lately, my spouse of over a decade is wanting a divorce (which has been expected for a while still rough though). Losing my anchor partner has absolutely fucked me up. I was falling more in love with them every day and we were talking often about our future togerher. They broke up with me very out of the blue via text. Add to all this my job is talking laying off a huge amount of employees. I'm fighting with insurance and might end up owing something like $50k. This whole year has been like this just piling on more stressors faster than they can be resolved. The previous year was so happy and everything was working out, I felt connected and like my future was going places. I don't understand how things shifted so dramatically in so many ways.

So the encouragement I guess I'm calling into the void for is guys, I want to drink every day. I'm so tired. Most the people who helped me stop drinking are gone or are on their way out. I thought my relationships would improve after, a lot of people said they were worried about me and I put in the time and effort to be better. I'm trying to socialize and find more people again but alcohol is basically the centerpiece of social gatherings so I can't go to most of them for long. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.