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Cats can NOT be vegan! (lemmy.vg)
submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by november@lemmy.vg to c/vegancirclejerk@lemmy.world
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Have you ever heard someone describe their cat as "magical"? They weren't being hyperbolic.

You see, cats are obligate carnivores. This is a kind of animal whose metabolism runs on magic. Their digestive systems use clairvoyance to determine whether the meal they're eating came from another animal. Nutrients have nothing to do with it -- if you try to feed them lab-synthesized taurine, the ancient curse laid upon their kind by the Egyptian sorcerers who bound them all those millennia ago will lay waste to all mankind.

Bet you feel stupid now, huh? Checkmate, vegoons.

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[-] Ma10gan@slrpnk.net 2 points 2 months ago

Ethical serial killer here. I kill ethically because if I kill the person myself I get to feel like I'm participating in the circle of life and indigenous beliefs and traditional practices. Because I'm a lion. Like a lot of lions, I'm working on reducing my carbon footprint. And all these veegans say I'm bad. They say I'm a "carnist" which is funny because I have never heard that word before. I've actually never heard any words before and don't know what any words mean. But actually. I am an ethical murderer and I kill less people than the veeegans because I don't eat any farmed plants -- only the people I personally kill outside in the woods. But they're not really like human people because circle of life and indigenous beliefs. It's ethical btw. And I'm switching to solar. Veeeegans think that's bad. But they're actually the bad ones. Because they hate people. I love people because I kill them. Just to prove how much of an ethical murderer I am, I'm writing an entire wall of text about it to look like I have a more informed opinion than the veeeeegans. I'm basically a saint when I ethically kill these people. I'm so connected to the people I kill. It's spiritual. People that don't kill people are too feeble-minded to understand.

What do you mean the post was about cat food? Me patting myself on the back for being an ethical murderer is totally on topic. You guys should now worship at my feet for being more ethical than the veeeeeegans. Feed me comments about how ethical I am. I'm so ethical. Tell me how I'm so ethical. Please. I need it. im vegan btw

this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2024
18 points (63.6% liked)

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