Thank you for that response, I think you did a great job helping me understand you and your wife's perspective. I had a long period of lowness, and though I was not suicidal, some of the things you described sound close to how I thought and felt.

The part about the suicide hotlines reminded me of is a talk my coworker did on mental health, and she said that if you don't get along with your therapist within the first two sessions, it's ok to find another therapist. I imagine that's what these hotlines are like. When you call in you're basically grabbing a random person from a crowd, and the chances of that person resonating strongly with your story on the first try is probably low. I could see folks just hanging up if it wasn't helping, but it seems like they may have better luck if they call back again and talk to somebody different.

At the end of the day though, if somebody has a chronic condition, alleviating it significantly is not an easy task. It seems like these hotlines have to struggle with that tension between wanting to help, but knowing that significant long term improvement isn't easy to achieve, especially when you're just talking to the person who is looking for help.

I'm not going to say these resources are worthless, but they're worthless to me and I would assume at least a few people who have similar problems. I've never felt compelled to reach out or search for resources like this. They've always felt insincere, similar to corporate PR speak or celebrity "apologies".

I think this is how my brother mostly felt. One thing that he was into that seemed to help was stoic philosophy. I wasn't into it when he was alive, but happened to get into it shortly after he died and it immediately resonated with me. I wished we had gotten to talk about it more when he was alive. It certainly helped me deal with the aftermath of losing him.

Thanks again for the response. Good luck finding your peace.