gondaily

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47911444

Book Lovers, by Emily Henry, is actually really good. I feel like it has a rather severe case of last-100-pages syndrome, but... Well, I can only remember the last 5 minutes of my life at any given time, so I suppose that makes us a perfect pair.

I'm not sure I have the words to describe how this book has made me feel, but I'll try anyway. For one, it makes me feel like I never, ever want to not only be in a relationship, but I also never want anyone to love me romantically. It seems like such a magnanimously horrific, terribly contrived, and simply unbearable experience. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, but somehow it seems that that's actually the evil thing to think, so I guess I would actually wish love on my worst enemy, but let it be known that's a compromise between my own dreadful hate of love and society's incomprehensible yearning for it.

Hell is other people. Book Lovers is The Bible, but only the parts that talk about hell - which, by the way, I think is actually no parts? Whatever. I mean that this book has a lot of people that are my personal hell.

I guess what I hate the most about this sort of thing is that, at first, it seems like some characters are people I can strongly relate to, but then things happen that turn them into something I can't recognize. It feels like the book is saying "you're different in this way because you just haven't encountered the thing that will make you like everyone else." That bothers me.

But hey, it said something! I thought it was just going to be a smutfest cliché. Which, for all I know, it might be, in relative terms. Maybe there's a lot of romance books that say the same thing, I really have not read very many. My ignorance is a blessing, as ignorance tends to be.

Ah, the bliss of the unknowning.

Regardless, it was an enjoyable read, overall. There were bad parts, yes, many of them, more than half the book was bad, way more than half, but at some point it got good and it kept being good until the end. It was funny occasionally, it got to be pretty funny sometimes, and some themes hit home. I love my family, I care about my sibling, I vibe with the book.

3/5. It's definitely not better than that, but there's some arguments that it's worse than that. I felt like I derived just a few too many laughs, and the characters made a few too many reasonable decisions for me to dock it as far as a 2/5 rating, though.

Chapter 29 was just porn.

The family drama was really good, I felt like. The dialog felt a little "No John, my brother who I haven't seen in 5 years after our father died of alcohol poisoning, you can't drink that bottle of alcohol drink!" "Thomas, my brother whom I resent on account of our differing academic propensities, I will disregard your advice on account of the deep grief that haunts my heart!" which I thought was a bit silly, but it was mostly pretty good.

Anyway, next on the docket... I'm not sure.

I'm strongly debating whether to get back to my fantasies - Shadow Slave, Re:Zero -, reread The Night Circus, or read something new - Storm Front, The Starving Saints. I'm leaning Starving Saints because the cover looks awesome, but I'm feeling like Storm Front is a little more my wheelhouse.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47836613

Alright, I know that title is a little odd, but stick with me.

I'm reading Book Lovers, by Emily Henry, and I've been feeling very weird.

For one, I think it's not very good at all! Maybe it's because I'm an awkward guy, probably aroace and seemingly agender, and, as such, that book is, quite simply, not for me; but it might also be because it's genuinely weird. Many of the goings-on of the plot are terribly weird, to me. Something I can kind of get over - not really... - is that they don't want to get together because they work together. I mean, they don't even work together that much, for starters, but even if they did... So what? My parents work together. They've worked together for some 20 years. Same thing with many other people. It's not that weird. Whatever. I don't like the book very much, so far, but I'm willing to take it to the end.

Now, here's the real kicker: what the fuck? Is this what women like? I mean, OK, let's not generalize. I know not every woman is the same, so of course not every woman likes the same thing. Even if we narrow it down to just straight women, it's just not that simple. Still, this is a popular book! I think I've heard of this sort of... Behaviour... Being framed as sexually enticing before, too. It's just so... Odd. I don't know.

I guess, when I think of what would be sexually exciting, I'd have to say... I don't know. I can't even really think about it. I guess I like a nice smile, which admittedly is something that is mentioned in the book! I would not, however, like to be pressed into a door. That would make me feel claustrophobic, for sure. I don't even like being in elevators with 3 other people, much less be smushed against any surface by anyone.

Also, do people like being groped? I mean, I see the appeal from the groper's side... Maybe it's a sort of quid pro quo situation.

Sorry, I know this is a little awkward... That book has raised a lot of questions.

Something else is that... Well, it's written in the first person, present tense. When reading it, certain things - sensations, physiological responses... - are described and, frankly, I don't think I should be able to feel them. It feels... Wrong. Like, anatomically? It's so weird to think about it, even, but I guess you could say that, when I read, especially if it's first person, I really embody the character. I experience the world through them! However, a few things there are just, they're too much. It's genuinely disturbing! I don't mean this disparagingly towards the book or something - if anything, it's a compliment to the depth of feeling that the author managed to express - but it is very hard to read, at times, and I have to take some breaks to spare my physical and mental sanity.

Also, do people really flirt with like, every other person they interact with?

Gosh, I know this is a book, it's fiction, so the answer must be «No». Yet, I feel like there may be something to this! Maybe I'm crazy, I'm willing to admit to that, but damn it! I remember my dad once told me the girl at the para-pharmacy gave me her number. He totally thought she was flirting with me! That was one of the weirdest things my father has ever said, and he's not exactly the most normal guy in the world.

At the time, I thought he just read the room wholly incorrectly. She gave me her number because she was offering help in case I needed something with my glasses, that I'd just gotten. My first time wearing glasses. She was being nice, and accounting for the slowness of service at the para-pharmacy. He was convinced, though; like, he genuinely thought she was hitting on me. I didn't get that feeling at all - not even a sliver of a little bit - but still... Maybe she was. Maybe people actually just... Hit on others. They just give their numbers out! Is that not absurd?

I made a post a few days ago about how I think people are nice and trustworthy, generally speaking, so giving your number out wouldn't really cause issues, but still, you'd have to think that maybe you would prefer to, I don't know, talk to them first and ask about other stuff. Maybe she felt that, being that it was a professional setting, she shouldn't. Then again, she gave me her number on a little card from the para-pharmacy, so I'm guessing not. I think my dad just had a little lapse in judgment.

However, the simple fact he thought that that might've been the case does at least imply that he thinks that's something that could, conceivably, happen!

Surely... Surely fucking not, no?

Do women just see a cute guy, walk up to him, and go like "hey, what's up, here's my number" or come up with some excuse to give it? I've seen this in media, but I really never thought that it might actually be real. This book is making me feel like it is real. Again, it's clearly exaggerated and weird, I don't think it's realistic, but fuck like it's definitely something, I can tell you that. Hard to read, yes, but also something else that I find a little weird. And by a little I mean very. And by weird I mean disturbing.

Anyway, I hope I never have anyone tell me anything about being pressed into a door and groped.

I wore shorts today. It was very hot. Went to sushi with my granny and brother, which was nice. Took the bus, which was also very nice! I love public transport.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47679815

Have you guys seen stuff like that? People talking about drama and such being "huge news for the unemployed" and such.

On one hand, I think it's a little bit funny. As a serial unemployed person myself, I have to assume that many - shall I wager, most? - of the unemployed aren't actually spending all their time browsing the internet looking for niche micro-celebrity wannabe influencer drama to rot over, but I think the expression is moreso making light of people that are leeching off of others for no good reason and choose to spend their time dragging their crummy eyes over Twitter threads in hopes of finding a crumb of dirt to write a mean comment about some online nobody in a comment section. Which makes it funny!

On the other hand, however, I feel like it can be used to dismiss serious issues. For example, sometimes meaningful change is being discussed - such as the SKG initiative - by influencers, and drama surrounding that will be dismissed out of hand with the phrase, when indeed it isn't just mindless drama, but rather a valid and reasonable discussion about the subject - even if perhaps presented in less-than-credible ways by less-than-reputable individuals, but I digress.

It reminds me of the "it's not that deep" sentiment. It's anti-intellectualism, it's dismissive of real analysis, discussion, and thought. Whatever thing happening can be called "huge news for the unemployed" and dismissed, and meaningful discussion can easily be derailed by being slapped with the seal of drool by the shadow of social faux pas. In other words, if you call anything you don't care about "cringe," anything you do care about can be called the same in turn, and then nobody cares about anything because caring becomes, itself, cringe.

Recently, I've been watching quite a few videos of people talking about influencers. Frankly, I'm shocked. My brother says this is to be expected - influencers should be expected to be narcissistic weirdos - but I find the idea that these people are so often despicable. I mean, I've heard some absurd shit from the mouths of some pretty big creators online, it's kind of wild.

Maybe it is for the better that parents should keep their kids away from the internet until they're, well, I don't know. I remember getting my first phone and it was a brick, a Nokia brick. I played snake on it. I played Red Faction on LAN with my friends. Maybe that was good, is all I'm saying. Maybe kids shouldn't be exposed to streamers and content creators, because it does seem that an alarming number of them is absolutely vile.

I can craft so many counter-arguments to this by the way, I could write quite a bit about this, but really, I just think there's not much of a point to it. How big of a deal is being on the internet at 12, these days? Maybe that would be keeping children from a huge component of social life... Or would entertaining a child with books and movies and such be OK? The world is constantly changing.

Ah, I don't feel like writing all my thoughts but I have so much inside my head right now... I just hope I managed to put enough of what I'm thinking into this post that whoever ends up reading this actually understands where I'm trying to get at.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47592466

I think people are nice.

I have a lot of thoughts about people and the nature of crowds and mobs, but I think that, on an individual level, most people are rather delightful. It's not that most people are necessarily someone I'd like to hang out with, but I do think most people are generally trustworthy individuals that just want things to work out well for everybody. Especially themselves, perhaps, but everybody.

Yesterday, a lady - I think she was Dutch, based on accent alone - asked me for help, me and another guy, but I ended up providing the help. She was really nice, and I was really nice. The other guy was also really nice and pleasant. It was just... Normal. Interestingly, I also met 4 other people yesterday: my new boss, and 3 of my new coworkers. My boss was stellar, one of my coworkers seemed delightful, though the other two seemed to be, let's say, in a bad mood. They were abrasive and they sounded and acted annoyed. Maybe they were. That soured the experience a little.

Now, however, I get a call about a payment that I'd made but had forgotten to send the confirmation. The person on the phone was super nice and understanding. It wasn't an issue at all!

Like the old lady, I feel like, if I needed something, I could just go up to someone on the street and ask, and I'd get it. Maybe not money, but even that. I've had people ask to make a call with my phone and I let them borrow it, and it went fine. It's all good.

I just, I just feel like people are nice, and I want to contribute to that. I want to be someone that people can feel comfortable coming up to and ask for help. I've had people ask for help - especially directions - quite often, I feel like. I mean, I don't know what the normal rate is, but I rarely go out and it's happened several times, which I feel says something. Maybe I look approachable. I hope so.

I have 2 very vivid memories from university, when I was getting my degree. Well, I have several, but these 2 are relevant to this post.

The first is of a friend of mine at the time telling me I was ugly. Well, he didn't say it like that, but it did hit my self-esteem a little. Well, to his credit, I wasn't exactly glorious, back then - not that I'm particularly good-looking now - but still. When he said that, though, I thought if he had a point. I often hear, mostly online, that ugly people have a hard time making friends and getting respect. People dismiss them. I've never felt that, though admittedly I don't really have friends. The other thing, though, is that kids don't like ugly people? That's funny. Kids have always loved me, so I guess that's a self-esteem boost right there. I don't know, I feel like I look pretty average. At least, that's what I tell myself, that's what I hope, and I feel that it's probably accurate, being that people do feel comfortable coming up to me and asking stuff - I don't look repulsive, at least.

The second thing I remember is being told that I look like I wouldn't hurt a fly. I've hurt many flies in my life, but indeed I do prefer not to hurt anything at all. I'm not a particularly violent person, and I'm definitely someone that thinks the only way to win a fight is to avoid it. Still, I thought it was an interesting statement. It's not that I think I look menacing or anything, but I do have a bit of a resting-bitch-face, or a permanent frown. I guess people interpret it as a sad and desolate frown, rather than an angry and rude sort of expression. That's good, I think?

Well, whatever. I look the way I look, and I'm fine with it. Well, "fine with it" in the sense that there's certain things that I'm OK with - the things I can't change - but I am working on improving my fashion and my weight, which will impact my looks, at least to a certain extent.

I feel like if I look like someone people can come up to on the street, I've done a good job at looking how I want to look. I don't need to be a model, just someone that people wouldn't hesitate to ask for directions.

Then again, I don't go out much, and when I do go out I'd rather not to be addressed.

The duality of man, amirite?!

Speaking of weight; I was expecting to gain some weight these past few days, on account of some fast food I had yesterday and eating a bunch of sweets (just a slice of almond pie), but I actually dropped. That surprised me. Maybe I'll gain today? I don't know how this stuff works.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47518472

I got the job!!

I had a job interview today and it went well. As good as it can go, I suppose, since I got the job. I'm signing the contract on the 11th of July, but I only actually start working on the 1st of September. So, as feared, I'll be jobless for a couple more months... But hey, progress!

The pay is good, the work is good, the boss is stellar - or at least really good at fooling me into thinking he's stellar - and it's in the city I used to live in, so that's great. I love that city very much, even though I only spent less than a year actually living there. It's just really nice.

Speaking of money. I used to earn around 1259€/month as grant money, which was nice because I paid no tax, but not so nice because there were no benefits otherwise. In Portugal, people usually earn 14 months' worth - since you get a month's salary as a vacation subsidy and another month's worth as Christmas subsidy - but grants are strictly monthly. Also, there's nothing else: it's those 1259, period. Here, I earn more than the number on the tin, which by the way, was 1300€. Now, the thing is that the grants had actually just gone up to 1300 when I quit. I did get 1 month of 1300. So, really, I would be earning 1300 €, though I didn't really experience that very much at all.

Regardless, now my income will go up to about 1660€/month. That's... That's at least a 330€ increase! WOW!!! And I get social security, which I did not get as a grant recipient.

I still get to do research - now in a more relevant area - not that I'm particularly interested in research, but it is what I know and have been doing for like, 3 years now... This is nice.

Suffering from success, however, my parents are basically forcing me to get an apartment. I don't want to do that, because it's more expensive. My mom seems to have fallen in love with a T0 that's close to the job, but it's fucking 550€ a month, which of course isn't a lot at all, but it is much more than I'm willing to pay. Now... They're saying they're gonna pay me like 200€! To like, cover the expenses... Come the fuck on!

Should I take this? Mind you, I know for a fact my parents couldn't care less about losing 200€, especially not if it's to pay for my accommodation while I work, and they certainly won't miss the money much. Still, I feel like, I don't know, it's not great. I don't want to burden them any more than I already have. They pay for so much already, they give so much, and I feel that I've only ever taken.

On one hand, of course it'd be nicer to have an apartment as opposed to renting a room, but I'm not sure I should take their money like that...

Regardless, that's a conundrum I shall solve later. For now, I stay happy that I got a job and that the pay is reasonable. Even if I take the apartment and my parents' money, I'd be left with around 1030€/month. If I spend, say, 100€ on food (which would be quite a bit for me, if I'm wise with my coin), that would easily leave more than 800€ for investing, which is what I was doing previously. Sigh...

I'll overthink this later, and think it over a bit.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47415360

Today, I got a call. It was from a job I applied to today, some research project from an AI and biomedical device company. As a bioengineer with some experience working with biomedical devices, that appealed to me quite a bit.

The interview is tomorrow, early in the afternoon. I'm a little nervous, but I know I'll be much more nervous soon enough - especially tomorrow. Still, I'm fine. I was starting to get a little... Unhappy, with the current situation. I've been unemployed for 2 months now after quitting my PhD... My parents were starting to get on my ass. Well, hopefully this goes well. The guy that called me - the guy from the company - was actually really nice and he seemed very excited to hire me, frankly. He said that he thought that I was probably a really good match. I hope so!

Nothing can be perfect, of course. Firstly, it's in a different city... Though, it's in the city that I was living in previously! So... Maybe, I'll be moving back there. That would be really funny, I reckon. Like, are we serious?! I might need to buy a car and actually drive though, for work... We'll see how it goes. The other, perhaps more significant issue, is that it starts in September. We're in late June. Last time I was unemployed (right after finishing my degree), I was looking for a job for 6 months, thereabouts. Technically, I wasn't earning for almost 8 months after defending my thesis... That's... A lot, but hey, I was trying to break into the job market. Now, however, if I get this, I'll be out for 5 months (maybe closer to 4.5). That's not that much, really, but it's a bit annoying. Of course, I would get the job in only 2 months, which sounds to me like a pretty reasonable time-frame, but I'd be out of a job for 4.5 months. Pain in the ass.

Hopefully my parents are okay with this, or I can find some random stuff to make some coin in the mean time, just for a couple of months. We'll see, I suppose.

I might not even get the job, maybe it's not right to stay thinking about it.

Another point is that this will last 3 years, at most. It's a research project. I won't get paid much, but it's pretty reasonable. It's pretty much exactly the country's average. It's a cool company, so I might even get some connections and possibly secure a position after it's over.

Well, this to say that it's a nice position and that I really do hope to get it, and I have high hopes to get it too.

I'll have to dress reasonably well, tomorrow. Look presentable, wear some jeans at least... Good? Maybe.

I'll be going in about 6 minutes to renew my train pass and then buy a ticket for tomorrow.

Excited.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47341843

Today, I had lunch with my granny. She made roasted potatoes and octopus. I freaking love octopus and roasted potatoes! The food was tasty, and I very much enjoyed dessert: cherries and chocolate cake.

My grandma has a bit of an off-and-on relationship with baking, I feel like. She bakes rather often, but she's not very good at it at all. Occasionally, though, she'll manage to come out with a gem like today. She really hit it out of the park!

Most importantly, though, I got to spend some time with her and have a nice chat. Hear a little about what she's been doing and whatnot. It's nice.

I didn't do much today, outside of that. I ended up not rearranging my clothes, which is fine; I'll always have tomorrow. I do also have some clothes I should probably pick up.

On another note, I found a really nice Japanese YT channel! It's a girl vlogging her life. She speaks really fast, way too fast, but I can kind of keep up. I keep up enough to keep up, if you will. I feel like I'll be exposed to a lot of everyday vocabulary, hopefully used in context and by someone that actually uses it day to day. Really, that's the best way to learn, I'd say. Comprehensible input or whatever.

Her name's Hannah.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47266844

I had sushi with my grandma, my brother, and his friend, today. It was good. Very good, even!

I always have the same pieces, but today I felt like branching out a little bit. I didn't pick anything too different - not that there's that many weird pieces available at the buffet, mind you - but I did try a few that I usually don't. Namely, one with some white stuff that I thought was mayo, for some reason. It didn't look like mayo, but I vaguely remember trying it a long time ago (read: a couple years, at most) and being unhappily surprised that it tasted like mayo, so that was my expectation. Thing is: I love mayo. I believe the reason I elected to pick that one to be obvious. It turned out to not be mayo at all, but rather some kind of cheese thing, maybe cream cheese or something. I don't know the words for this stuff. It was too white to be mayo, in retrospect.

I also had some time to speak to my granny, which was nice. My brother and his friend ended up talking a lot, which made me feel a little left out, but it's OK. I love seeing my little brother have fun in a social way. I remember being a bit scared, a few years ago, that he was like me and wouldn't have any friends. I guess, looking back, that was a bit of an unnecessary worry. For one, he cared about having friends, which I'd think is a pretty good indicator that someone would try to make and maintain friendships; That was the reason I was worried, since he is rather introverted as well, but he cared about hanging out and having time with his friends, so I was scared that he would lose that. He didn't, thankfully. He went to the beach with his friends after lunch.

Tomorrow, I'll have lunch at my granny's. I'm excited. I doubt the food will be very good, but it's always nice to go there and spend some time with her.

I'm a little tired, though, of today. There was a lot of walking. I also feel a little overwhelmed with... Everything, I think.

A couple of days ago, I went to stand in front of my wardrobe, which I share with my brother. He takes the vast majority of it. That being said, I feel like I have too much stuff, and that stuff is so messy that it feels impossible to sift thru and sort out. I ended up just walking away. I want to just take everything out of the wardrobe and slowly put everything back properly. Fold everything, get rid of old stuff or stuff I don't use... That kind of thing. I was too weak to do it, so I just stood there and then left, but I'm feeling like I'll be able to do it soon. Maybe tomorrow.

I often do this, I feel like. I remember a few months ago I did something similar for my clothes when I was living someplace else. It took some effort, but eventually I got it done and it was really satisfying. Then, of course, I just had to move, didn't I?! Couldn't I just enjoy my organized wardrobe, damn it?!

I also feel like doing some organizing helps me realize the things I'm missing, and the things I have too much of. I might be surprised to learn that I actually don't have too many shirts (I definitely do) or maybe I have too many shorts (I definitely don't (this one I'm actually a little unsure about)). Yeah, I'll try to go at it tomorrow. Maybe I'll get the strength to organize all my belongings.

Today, I managed to do some laundry and change my sheets. What's a good timing to change one's sheets?

I've heard every week is good, but no way in hell I'm gonna do that. Maybe once every fortnight. Today was the 15th day since I last changed them, so that's 2 weeks - I changed them Saturday before last. Is that reasonable? I feel like it's reasonable. If it's not reasonable, then I'm not gonna be reasonable, point blank period. Periodt, even!

In other news, my ankle hurts a little. It's probably nothing, but if I die of chronic anklepainitis I want this to be the evermemory that I felt it and ignored it.

Today, I finally finished rereading A Psalm for the Wild-Built by Becky Chambers.

It was fantastic and delightful in every way, absolutely incredible - perhaps even more than I remembered. This makes me want to reread The Night Circus as well; if this one was this good, than that one might be that good. Perchance.

Currently, though, I'm reading A Prayer for the Crown-Shy. Well, it's OK. I like it, sure, but I'm liking it much less. For one, I think the novelty - maybe... - has worn off a bit. The world is brilliant and inviting - luscious, as per Martha Wells - but now that I've been introduced to it in the first book, it doesn't hit as hard in the second. Maybe. I think this logic is a little flawed, since I did enjoy it very much on reread. I don't know.

We might be going into some conflict resolution soon, but I guess I do feel like not much conflict has existed in the first, what, 3/4ths of the book? It's still pretty and all, and there's some insight to be gleaned, certainly, but I just don't feel as pulled in, this time around.

I'll finish the book, of course, maybe even today. Then, I don't know. I might go back to Shadow Slave - not that I've dropped it or anything - or I might give something else a try. Maybe even - and hold on to your jaws - non-fiction!

AAAAH!!!

Sorry, I scared myself there.

I read exclusively fiction for no reason other than the fact I've never read non-fiction outside of an academic context. Well, I guess I've read news articles and such; it won't be that much different, maybe. I hope it'll be interesting, at least.

Alternatively, I can just read fiction instead. I don't see why not, other than the fact that I don't feel particularly inclined toward any particular book. I could look stuff up, of course, but I always feel a little uncertain when picking up new stuff - as is normal, I do suspect. I'm strongly considering going with The Dresden Files.

Becky Chambers, give me your autograph. I promise to cherish it.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47108238

My youngest cousin is gonna have his first communion this coming August, and I'm likely to attend.

It's not a very formal event, but it's also not exactly something you're supposed to show up to in ripped shorts and a graphic tee. I've been thinking it through, and I think I don't really have appropriate clothes to take! Well, I do have jeans, some reasonable shoes, and a dress shirt - maybe that's enough - but I thought that this could be a good opportunity to get some "fancier" clothes, in relative terms. Nothing actually fancy like a suit, but just something a bit smarter that I could take to interviews, for example.

I thought that a polo shirt might be good. It's not formal, but it's definitely a step up from my usual Hard Rock Cafe shirts. Also, it's casual enough that it wouldn't really be weird to wear out and about, I hope.

Really, I wanted pants. I did have a list, at some point, of what pants I wanted to buy, but I really think I misjudged things, at the time. Now, as I'm looking, there's other, better options out there. I have my jeans settled, but maybe I should buy some chinos or something.

Ah, I don't know. I'll think about it some more, I do still have some time, but I might have to convince my little brother to go with me do some clothes shopping at some point in the next couple of weeks.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47024388

While browsing YT - as one does - I came across the video linked in this post.

It elicited in me a certain feeling that I have never felt before. It's a certain kind of warmth, a weird sort of absolute peace permeating my very being.

Is this... Love?

Perchance.

Regardless, I think it's really cool. There are a few of these looks-old-but-isn't videos out there - they come up on my recommended occasionally - but they do always leave me wondering; did these people find old videos and decide to upload them now, or did they just genuinely record something with a 20 year potato? Alternatively, did they record it with an average modern recording device - say, a modern smartphone - and then purposefully deteriorate the quality to make it look like an old video? Questions.

For the record, I wanted to use the verb degenerate instead of deteriorate, there, but, for some reason, it just didn't feel right. I'm not sure why. Looking it up, it does seem that both degenerate and deteriorate can be used as transitive verbs, meaning what I meant to mean, but... Degenerate just looks wrong. I think it might be because I associate degenerate more with the noun than the verb. By the way, I think deteriorate also looks kinda off, but I wanted to use it, so I did.

Today wasn't actually that hot, still not jean-weather, necessarily, but it's OK. I'll be going back to the islands relatively soon, though, so I might be able to wear some actual pants then.

My lunch today was really nice. I've actually not been decreasing my weight for the past couple of days... As a matter of fact, I actually gained weight 2 days ago. I was ready to chalk it up to randomness, but 2 days in a row was a tiny little bit concerning. I didn't do anything different... Except that I drank 250 ml of kefir instead of my usual chocolate milk, but I'm inclined to believe that's actually less calories. I also had a banana each time instead of an apple. Could that be it?

I'm inclined to believe that the reason is actually my lunch. I had that thing my grandma had made - broccoli and tuna and cheese - which I thought would probably be fine, but maybe it's actually a calorie bomb in disguise. Like, three sticks of butter in a trench-coat. Or something. I don't know.

I'll just stick to what I've been doing and hoping that it works.

I have spotted a blue tree, out there in the wild.

Well, I say blue but really I don't know what colour it actually is - I'm colourblind, so it could easily be purple or something, or pink. It's cute though. There's all this green and brown and vague shades of yellow in the foliage, and then there's a splash of blue. Very nice.

You know what else is blue? The sky. There are no clouds, so it really is just blue. It's so fucking hot, man. It's just, it's melting over here. I'm dripping with sweat and every movement costs me double the energy. It's crushing. Somehow, though, I'm pretty sure it fucking HAILED last night! HAIL! Can you believe it? I heard the ice striking my freaking window man, it woke me up. It was a little scary, frankly, but I was a big boy and didn't shiver too much. I foresee a nightmare, tonight.

Naturally, there is absolutely 0 chance in hell that I can wear anything other than the lightest possible clothes. Shorts and a T.

Actually, today I thought about my shirts. I've mentioned this in previous posts, but it really upsets me that I have so many shirts I don't like. What I'm not sure I've mentioned is that about 90% of the shirts I do wear are Hard Rock Cafe shirts. I've traveled a bit all over Europe and collected quite a few shirts from a bunch of different cities. I don't know how many I actually own, but if I had to estimate I'd say about 15. That's enough shirts, period. Of course, they're mostly just white with a yellow circle and the name of a city, with the exception of a couple of them - Budapest, London, and Malta (yes, it says Malta) - that have some slight variation to them. My favourite one is Budapest, in case you're curious, which also happens to be the most recent addition to the collection. It's my favourite because of the design though - the Liberty Statue; it's really beautiful.

I mention this because, ordinarily, I loathe branding. I get why brands do it, of course, and I don't necessarily hate it to the point of being sickened by it and unable to wear anything with the slightest bit of branding, as I might've implied earlier in the paragraph, but it does mildly upset me if the branding is too in-your-face, so to say. Yet, it really doesn't bother me too much when it's Hard Rock Cafe shirts. Hypocrisy, much? Perchance.

Anyway, I'll start crossposting to !gondaily@lemmy.dbzer0.com, and then switch to posting there.

A few days ago, I spoke with my brother about persistent-world games. Now, I'm not much of a gamer, myself - I play mostly single-player strategy games and turn-based multiplayer strategy games - but he does play some more MMO and RPG experiences. He plays LoL and BG3, as well as a few other games. As such, while I don't trust his judgement more than I would trust the judgement of a piece of rubble - he is my younger brother, after all - I do believe that he has more insight into this issue than I do.

I remember playing Travian, as a youngin. I didn't play it a lot because I was young and dumb, but I vividly remember adoring the concept. Eventually, I transitioned to CoC, but I ended up dropping it too. Now, reading Shadow Slave, I'm reminded of why I liked them so much. The reason is that I love persistent-worlds. I think the idea of a game wherein players conquer pieces of territory and then battle each other on a shared world is really cool and interesting.

Naturally, RPGs - specifically, MMORPGs - are a great way to get at this. You're a king or the leader of a burgeoning village; you're a knight or a renowned warrior settling the wylds; and such.

My little brother, however, thought that persistent-world games simply don't work, if we're playing from the perspective of a single player, though. A town, sure, since you are your own resources, in a way, but as a player it doesn't work. He gave the example of Eve Online, where apparently gameplay is damn near impossible alone, because the world is controlled by a few large guilds.

Frankly, I don't know how true this is.

The point of what I'm saying is that I think it'd be cool to have a game that functions like SAO or SS work. Players as individuals, a wild world to conquer... I don't know. Maybe that's not doable.

Regardless, I probably wouldn't play it.

Now, concept fics. My little brother also spoke about how sometimes fics will be really short, just concepts, pretty much. A hint at what a great idea could be, but never fleshing it out to it's full potential. That's cool, I think. It makes me feel a little better about my own sporadic and vastly unfinished ventures into fiction writing.

I'm writing this after lunch. Lunch was pretty bad, actually... I didn't really enjoy it at all, but it was filling, at least. Maybe the extremely salty thing my grandma made isn't salvageable, after all... Tomorrow, I shall reevaluate the situation.

It's hot today, but not as hot as I'd feared. Still not wearing jeans.

I've been thinking more and more each day about improving my life. I've been calling it skillmaxxing. I mean, there's just so much to learn and so much to improve on! There's so many things I should already know, so many things I want to know, so much I want to have done and so much more that I want to do, and to be able to do. It feels a bit daunting, but it's a long-term project. I wonder how much more I'll know in 5 years time.

Conceptually, I think that's really cool.

I had this idea, a few days ago, for a novel wherein a detective that can learn about people by digging in their guts (à la haruspex). They get hired by the government to investigate the death of a high-ranking official, and then well it turns out to be bigger than an isolated incident yadda yadda. The thing I think is cool about this is that the detective has an ability that relies on people being dead, but their job is actually to catch people that are alive. As such, in a desperate attempt to catch the murderers, the detective ends up committing murders of their own to try and find leads and extract information from otherwise unwilling (or perhaps unable) witnesses.

I don't know, I think that's a pretty cool idea.

Anyway, today was extremely hot and there'll be a pretty rough heat wave coming on this week. Which is fine, I guess, but I was hoping to be able to wear jeans... Evidently, I won't. Way too hot for that. However, my grandma did make me some nice food. It was way too salty, but it's fine. I'll like, refry it tomorrow and add some stuff so it won't feel as salty, I hope.

Feeling good.

The morning air - suffused with the warm light of dawn - promised peace and grace upon these lands. I breathed it in, blissfully unaware of the dreadful fate that had already woven itself into existence. Perhaps, as I opened my eyes for the first time and let the cold air fill my lungs, there was time, still, but I was blinded by hope.

Hope; That heavy chain that weighs all of us down. It bound me to my demise, and I didn't even know to struggle.

I had an early breakfast - excited as I was, I found myself waking up much earlier than usual. It was good... Too good, perhaps. My apple was snappy and sweet; I filled my mug of chocolate milk to the brim and managed not to spill even a drop. I should've known then, at least, but I blinded myself to the truth, even as the unmistakable mirage of perfection poisoned my day.

I got on the train. It was late, but not so late as to be notable. Fate, that fiend, it lured me to sleep; it caressed me with bliss; it even missed a stitch on its harrowing tapestry, so I would not suspect a thing.

We got to the stop my grandma was supposed to get on. I stood up. By then, my heart was heavy. It was too late, it had already been too late for some time, but only then did I start to realize how deep I'd dug my own grave. I took six steps, and drowned six feet in dirt. I looked around, but saw nothing. Darkness, only darkness surrounded me.

My grandma... She forgot today was sushi day.

My heart shattered; Its tiny pieces fell to the floor, singing a crackling melody of pain and suffering, a suffocated symphony of red thread around a supple neck, drawing blood.

My brother called her to confirm, but it was as I'd feared; as I'd known.

We had Burger King instead. The fries were trash, the food was subpar, everything was overpriced.

I'm hungry, still.

At least I got to wear jeans, today. A tiny solace in a sea of crushing defeat at the hands of destiny.

Before I talk about the egg that has taken over my YT, I'd just like to point out that, indeed, there now is a character in Shadow Slave that wears casual clothes. It's not shorts and a t-shirt - it's a dress - but close enough, I'll say.

Now, about the Canadian.

I've been watching lots of his stuff. He's funny. A little... How do I put this... Mean? I guess? He does sometimes come off as unsavory, generally, I'd say. I really don't think I'd like to meet him IRL, and we definitely would not be friends if he's anything like he is online. That being said, it's fun to watch him crack some jokes over random shit. He's really good at riffing. I don't care for the gameplay, nor do I watch any gameplay for gameplay's sake.

Regardless, I've been having some fun.

I think names are really cool.

My name does have a meaning, but it's not something people are aware of. It's something even I'm barely aware of - I only know it because my parents were vaguely interested in choosing a good name when they had me and so picked something that was generally reasonable.

Fiction always has cooler names. Well, not always, some places - cultures, languages - seem to have more of a focus on cool names.

I wish my name was a little more "international," I guess, but that's about it. At the same time, international names are usually very boring and common. Which is why they're "international." Like John. Everyone knows a John; maybe it's Johann or Sean or João or something, and even if they don't personally know a John, then they certainly know of a John. My name, though? Hell no. Pretty much only Portuguese or Spanish speakers know it, maybe Italians too.

Whatever.

My lunch today was really good. Well, not really good because, I just realized, I forgot to add sauce. It was still very filling, especially considering I ate a little more than usual. There was enough left for yesterday for a bowl and a bit. I usually eat a bowl, but the remaining bit wouldn't be nearly enough for tomorrow so... I ate a bowl and a bit. Which is fine, of course. In retrospect, I guess I can kind of rationalize me forgetting the sauce by saying that I was actually replacing the calories of the sauce with the extra food? I don't know. It was very good, regardless. Now, however, I don't have a plan for what to eat tomorrow... I'll have to think about it.

Reading Shadow Slave - the MC's name is Sunless, by the way, case in point - and the character's clothing is oft mentioned, mostly because they wear armor. Occasionally, they'll wear casual clothes, which is notable and therefore described. I think it would be funny to have a character that just wore really casual clothes, a t-shirt and shorts to battle. Why isn't there something like that?! I mean, there are plenty of "joke" characters (that are never really jokes) but not one playing on the concept of armor? Well, one of the main secondary characters does struggle to keep her armor intact, so I guess there's that.

Writing this while listening to a Nightcore remix of Katy Perry's "Part of Me." Very good.

Today, I watched The LEGO Batman Movie. It was lots of fun, 4/5.

I can't give it more than 4/5 simply because the emotional depth and complexity of the plot was lacking. Mind you, it really isn't meant to be a thorough analysis on the human condition or anything - it's a fun family movie, and at that it does a fantastic job. It's hilarious all the way through, creative without restraint, and it was actually kind of interesting. I liked the way the plot developed and a couple of things actually caught me off-guard.

It was genuinely endearing and a very entertaining watch, no doubt about that.

Though, I must say that, by far, the most impressive aspect of the movie was the animation. The animation is just next-level gorgeous. It's a unique style, to be fair, so I suppose the expectations are a bit different than other, more traditional animations, but still. It was beautiful and dynamic, over-the-top without question, but maintaining a certain level of coherence that didn't make it feel like things were just flying around for no good reason. It was just very good and exciting!

I feel like I'm a bit out of the target audience, but I was still able to appreciate this movie.

There were several scenes in this thing where the pantslessness of the characters was pointed out, by the way. I find that to be very funny.

I also downloaded the first and second LEGO movies to watch soon.

On a completely unrelated note, I ate fried rice with mushrooms and tuna, today. It was super freaking delish! The rice was just regular rice, which was good, of course, but the mushrooms really put it over the top. My dad made some fried mushrooms some time ago, a few days ago, and I just kind of added them to the mix and they tasted really good. Admittedly, I'm probably the world's number 446 biggest mushroom fan, which isn't particularly high in the context of mushroom lovers, but it is notable in the context of the whole of humanity. It's an estimate I made up based on nothing, anyway. The tuna was also great; it wasn't canned tuna, it was like fried tuna steak. Super delish, ordinarily, but perhaps particularly so in the way in which I consumed it. I did add too much hot sauce, which caused a bit of an issue with my water consumption and general enjoyment of the meal.

I made enough to store some for tomorrow, so I already know what I'm gonna be having for lunch, next time.

Oh right, I also added a boiled egg. It was good, you know, it's a boiled egg. Hard-boiled, if you must know.

I have a lot of sweets and other nice things to eat in the house, right now, on account of my parents having been here until yesterday... But I'm staying clear of them at least until I get to 67 kg. I weighed in back at 69.9 kg after two days of slight over-consumption with the fam, so it's OK. This weekend I'll be having sushi, as well, so that might slow me down a little, but I'm fine with it. Just, stick with the program, and that's OK!

That's I'm talking about! This is what animation is supposed to be (among other things)!

Beautiful art, great voice acting - especially Dean, he has lots of great scenes - a wide breadth of emotions explored with both really funny and deeply emotional moments... Nuanced characters and a meaningful main message. Truly, one of the great works of the 20th century. To think this masterpiece came out only 1 year after Mulan really puts into perspective what a truly great film can be. The animation still struggles at times, there's things that aren't quite right - it does show it's age - but holy crap guys, it's incredible in every facet.

Everything it tries to do, it does, and it does it well. The Iron Giant is undoubtedly a classic, an undeniable icon of animation and it should continue to be a reference for all films to come, regardless of medium.

Brad Bird is a fucking genius, of course; He also directed The Incredibles so I'm not particularly surprised that this was as good as it is, but still.

The one moment in this 90 minute piece of art I didn't love was that one scene where the inspector goes inspecting and this grating song plays... It goes like: "Searching, Searching, Searching..." or something akin to that. I mean, it's kind of endearing, in a weird way, but it felt really out of place. The scene itself is fine, it's really just the song that I can't contend with.

I loved the colours too. It wasn't an extremely colourful movie, as far as colourful movies go, but it seemed that they were trying to convey Hogarth's childlike wonder by having him surrounded by more colour when he was feeling happy and such. His mother too, especially at the diner. There was a lot of grey and black all over the place, but he was always much more vibrant than his surroundings.

The character designs were also really awesome. I loves the old men background characters, I loved Kent too, a lot. He's so expressive, all the time, so put-together at times, but so manic as well. Christopher McDonald does a fantastic job on him.

Speaking of Kent Mansley, he's the antagonist, but he's by no means a villain, which I also think really creates this amazing feeling throughout the whole movie - while you don't root for him and definitely resent his attitude, it's hard to judge him too harshly. He's scared, paranoid, - a sign of the times and the propaganda that his very employer is poisoning the minds of all citizens with - and easily dismissed by his superiors. He's just trying to do the right thing, he wants to protect everyone. He's wrong, but not bad.

Another criticism I have is that the ending seemed a little... Too good. I have nothing against happy endings, but I do think that death is a powerful thing and it shouldn't be easily dismissed. The emotional weight of losing those dear to you shouldn't be hand-waved away. At the same time, Chekhov's gun, right? The camera came back to bite Hogarth, and the rebuilding came back to lick his wounds, I suppose.

Overall, one of the best movies I've ever seen? Perchance.

The giant didn't wear pants: 5/5

I watched Mulan, today.

I've been listening to "I'll Make a Man Out of You" for the past few days on repeat, so I thought I'd give the original 1998 animation a try - why not? Well, I was disappointed. Sorely so.

It's not a terrible movie by any means, but it's really not very good either. The plot is so simple; it's dreadfully unadorned! The animation was good, but I do suppose it looks 30 years old, because it is 30 years old. I suppose I should've tempered my expectations, in that regard. The horse looked cool. I also thought that Mushu was just annoying... There were good moments for the little dragon, but Eddie Murphy is fucking dreadful. YEAH, I SAID IT! MUSHU SUCKS!

I also thought that the end of the story had a very strong "and then everybody clapped" vibe to it - then the whole of China bowed. I mean, come on.

The other VAs were good, the music was very nice... I wish there was more music, frankly.

I really loved Shan Yu... He looked so cool! Though, he really didn't end up feeling that threatening, on an individual level. I was also a little confused with the whole like... A handful of Huns infiltrate the castle and somehow that has some implication for the future of China? When they're surrounded by Chinese people? I just feel like that's not really how conquering a nation works. That seemed very weird, and it took away from the whole intimidation shtick the dude had going on, I felt like.

I will not be watching Mulan II, but I did download The Iron Giant. I shall report back. Two protagonists in a row that don't wear pants, I believe.

Dang it! It hurts to speak...

I'm not a big talker, anyway, but this is really annoying.

Once again, it is too hot to wear jeans. A disaster.

My brother has been playing BG3, lately. The game seems extremely boring and terrible. The story is interesting - at least what he tells me about, which admittedly is probably just the interesting bits - but that's about it. Then again, is that the point of the game? To be a cool story? I find it very hard to understand why someone would choose to play a game to experience a story over reading a book or watching a movie/show or whatever. It's a role playing game, so I guess it's about playing a role? But isn't that what one does when reading a book anyway, kind of project themselves into the characters, see themselves in their flaws and their attributes, think of what you would do in this or that situation? I don't know, but for me reading is experiencing a story first-hand, if that makes sense. I often end up pausing my readings to day-dream about how I would've gone about it. Or just a parallel story. I have lots of fun doing that.

I really think reading is the superior medium of storytelling, and I'm inclined to believe gaming is the supremely inferior medium. Let me be clear, though: I don't mean to say anything like "games suck" or "you suck if you play games." Quite frankly, I couldn't care less about whether someone or anyone enjoys games as a story-telling vehicle, all I'm saying is that I think they're just not the best tool for the job.

Every time I play a story game - which is rare, because I don't enjoy them - I find myself thinking that the story is a hindrance to the enjoyable parts of the game, such as the puzzles or the action or the platforming, you know, the game part of the game.

On the other hand, I think LitRPG is actually really awesome. Because, in my opinion, that's what game story-telling should be. You know Travian? Kind of like Travian. A story develops because of the players! There's other games like this. I think Shadow Slave would make for an awesome game! What would make it fun would not be the story embedded in the game, but the story made by the players. Do you get my meaning?

I'm sure there's games like these, but BG3 is not one of these games. If I wanted an awesome story, I would read a book. If I wanted visuals to go along with it, I would watch a movie. Why would I play a game? I feel like a story-telling game is just a way to do both story-telling and gaming poorly, at the same time, which I find to be rather distasteful.

Hot take alert, I guess.

My parents arrived today. I'm very happy :D I love my parents.

My mom is giving me some weight loss tips. She's on a similar journey to me, though for slightly different reasons. I find it a bit frustrating when she gives advice, because I get the impression she thinks she knows way more than she does... Then again, I don't think there's anything wrong with listening to what my mom has to say. I think what I'm doing has been working fine, though.

Shadow Slave has turned into a shoujo novel.

I wonder if I'm good at dealing with change. I feel that I'm not, frankly, but at the same time I feel that I am.

Of course, there are small changes and there are big changes; there are things that really matter, and things that only matter as far as you can throw them - they're very heavy, hypothetically, and therefore hard to throw.

Recently, as I've been reading Shadow Slave, I've noticed some changes. The themes are changing, the characters were changing and getting a little flanderized, the writing style was changing... Compared to 1000 chapters ago, Shadow Slave is a completely different experience. On one hand, this sounds great, right? I mean, reading the same thing for 2000 chapters sounds like a bore... However, there are certain aspects of the work that I was taking for granted. For instance, Shadow Slave very rarely changed perspectives. Very, very rarely. In the first, I don't know, 1400 chapters, maybe 5 of those were written from the perspective of characters other than the MC. Maybe 10. But in the latest 200 chapters, maybe half of them were as such. Weird.

Partially, I think this is because the world has grown so much. One thing about Shadow Slave is that there's world, and there's building, and the building is being done to the world. Extensively, might I add. Maybe because of that, the author has felt the need to shift between different characters that are in different places in the world to better show the reader what's happening overall in the story, instead of keeping us in abject ignorance and then leaving that feeling of Deus ex Machina when somehow something on the other side of the cosmos saves the MC - though of course, he knew it all along! If we see what's happening on the other side of the cosmos, that feeling goes away. It's frustrating, though, because, quite frankly, I'm mostly interested in certain aspects of the story and not so much in others. It's not that I don't care, just that I prefer some POVs to others.

I get the point, I'm just not sure I like it.

Also, the romance seems to be picking up. A little. Maybe. However, the way it's being developed is cringe, at best, and borderline infantile, at worst. Shadow Slave isn't a particularly adult webnovel, mind you, but COME THE FUCK ON MAN! These people are supposed to be older than me and they're acting like little children. A fake relationship, really? That's how low we're going with this? Alright.

Look, I love romance as much as the next shoujo-obsessed maniac, but - just like a shoujo-obsessed maniac - I know bait when I see it. Or read it. And this is bait. The baitiest most bait shit I've ever fucking read, in fact. It's just... Disastrous. Now, I believe in the author's ability to redeem himself, so I shall and have continued to read. However, I am, at the current moment, disappointed in the way the story's been developing, in that particular regard.

There are things I've been very much enjoying from the change in perspective - there's one POV in particular that I really love - and I also appreciate how the author has managed to grace us with both never-ending action, complex interpersonal relationships, and political intrigue, all at the same time. I also love that, some-fucking-how, the world keeps growing. More and more things keep being introduced, our knowledge of the complexities of reality in the Shadow Slave universe keeps being advanced and it somehow never feels particularly contrived. I did feel, occasionally, like the author was writing something cool, then didn't find a way to justify it, so he just waved it away. Some bullshit excuse and then moved on. Honestly? I appreciate that. I don't think there's a need to endlessly attempt to justify bad shit. Just leave it as a plot hole, don't make it a plot contrivance. That's my hot take, for the day.

I was trying to weave a mention of pants into this post, but didn't find a way to do it. Here it is.

Shadow Slave plot twist omggggg!!!!

Not really. Quite frankly, I don't think this qualifies as a plot twist at all, but I think it's a very unexpected - and welcome - change of pace! It's super cool, I love what's happening right now, in the story.

In other news, we're hosting my brother's friend's aunt. Annoying, but hey, what can you do. She's a nice enough lady, I just didn't want another person in this freaking apartment. That's life, though. I can deal with this fine.

I wore the same shorts today, but two different items. The same model. I thought that was kind of cool, though mostly irrelevant, of course.

I was thinking that short people should take less time to shower. Of course, very fat short people that have folds upon folds or something might take longer, relatively, but generally speaking - rule of thumb - the shorter you are, the less area your body has, the shorter your showers. However, I find that that's not really the case. Interesting. My conclusion, naturally, is that short people are a waste of water. Water-wasters.

If you're short, shorten your showers.

i was at house eating dorito when phone ring

"Lemm.ee is kil"

"no"

That's right. Lemm.ee is being shut down at the end of the month. A shame, a huge shame, but I suppose that's the nature of the Fediverse. Small independent and self-subsidized communities - possibly user-funded, to some extent - are bound to outgrow their means if the platforms keep growing and eventually shut down.

I really don't want to go back to .world, so I made an account on db0's instance.

The end of an era, for sure.

On a completely unrelated note, today I weighted in at 70.5 kg. Alright, I'm almost under 70, holy crap. Holy crap! My parents get here in 3 days, so I should be able to get there by the time they're here. That would be so awesome... Also, I replenished my beauty stack (Uriage products I use because my skin is as dry as Dave Chappelle's new material). I don't find him funny any more... A shame... I remember watching his stand-up on repeat as a kid.

I wore some very sporty shorts, today. They're really a bit long. I want my shorts... Short! Not too short, I don't want to wear booty shorts, but just a little shorter. I'd say, I want them comfortably above the knee, how about that. I feel like that's reasonable.

I woke up with a sore throat and have been coughing my lungs out for a bit now... Fuck... I hope I'm healthy enough to go get sushi when my parents get here...