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How do you know when you're actually passing?
(lemmy.blahaj.zone)
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this post was submitted on 10 Nov 2024
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If you're perceived as a woman people tend to be friendlier and more polite towards you. My expierence with transitioning into a man is that people are generally more indifferent and cautious towards me now. I have to be a lot more mindful of coming across as "creepy" or "dangerous" than I used to be specifically with women who are strangers. I'm neither of those things, but the expectation of men being inherently threatening still prevails.
ooo, this a useful observation, thank you.
Thinking about it, I have found even when people know I'm trans, like when laser techs are lasering my genitals so there is no room for ambiguity, they treat me as a different gender than "man", i.e. the way they talk to me and themselves is in a way that I know as distinct from when I was perceived as a man (higher pitched or feminine, more warm, more talkative in general, nicer, etc. even between themselves). Being a trans woman, contrary to anti-trans rhetoric, seems at least in my case to be perceived as at least partially disarming.
Other good examples include when I went out in public pre-hormones and wore dresses and such, and people (usually liberal white women) would regularly tell me they love my dress or skirt or whatever, and I would get over-friendly looks from some people. It seemed like the opposite of the glaring conservative men, I got overly kind supportive liberals. This over-friendliness has been replaced with indifference and maybe normal polite-friendliness instead over time.
Thinking about your experiences, I do feel for trans men who cross the threshold into that lonely life, but having lived as a lonely man, there are definitely some men who can offer close fraternity - it is just hard sometimes to find those men and form relationships, but it is possible!
Oh! Is that what it is?
I've been using my "girl voice" all the time now, and while I might be said to present somewhat androgynous, I'm perhaps not obviously trying to appear feminine. BUT, when I talk to people, they (particularly men) have started responding in much softer tones after they hear my voice. I thought they might just be imitating me, but could it be their "talking to women" voice? I hope so :3
I think that is likely. I notice myself doing the same thing subconsciously where my pitch is higher around women and lower around other men. I wonder if it's a way to seem less threatening. I'm definitely not the only guy who does that.
I had a person do this when I first transitioned, he started emulating my higher voice in unusual ways. I tended to feel like I was being perceived as a gay man in those moments, rather than as a woman. I think often androgynous expressions lean into "feminine man" territories that lots of people perceive as "gay". It has been a real struggle for me to break out of "gay man" into "feminine woman" territory.
That said, it could be that the softer tone is for lots of reasons, I don't think it's a bad sign - much better than being viewed as a fellow man and treated as such!