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I socially transitioned before I started hormones, and when I went out in public wearing women's clothes, people would look at me frequently, and some people would stare at me. It was obvious I didn't pass from these kinds of responses, but I also got somewhat used to that treatment.

Over time, with hormone therapy, I get fewer and fewer instances of this. I haven't been stared at in a long time, and I think people look at me less.

At one point I would describe my experience as being a "woman shaped object" - in people's peripheral vision I looked like a normal woman, but if someone interacted with me they could tell I was trans.

I went out yesterday and got my nails done, went shopping, went out for dinner, etc. and interactions with people made me think they couldn't tell I was trans, but I just don't know whether they can actually tell or not.

While waiting in line to buy some clothes, a woman wanted to chat about how long the line was taking, and she interacted with me as though I were a normal woman - there wasn't a hint of stigma, curiosity, etc.

Anyway - this just makes me wonder: what are others' experiences with passing and not-passing, what are little clues that you aren't passing or when you are?

I assume you just can't actually tell when people are being polite vs not knowing, but maybe there are little hints.

Thanks!

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Oh! Is that what it is?

I've been using my "girl voice" all the time now, and while I might be said to present somewhat androgynous, I'm perhaps not obviously trying to appear feminine. BUT, when I talk to people, they (particularly men) have started responding in much softer tones after they hear my voice. I thought they might just be imitating me, but could it be their "talking to women" voice? I hope so :3

I think that is likely. I notice myself doing the same thing subconsciously where my pitch is higher around women and lower around other men. I wonder if it's a way to seem less threatening. I'm definitely not the only guy who does that.

[-] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

I had a person do this when I first transitioned, he started emulating my higher voice in unusual ways. I tended to feel like I was being perceived as a gay man in those moments, rather than as a woman. I think often androgynous expressions lean into "feminine man" territories that lots of people perceive as "gay". It has been a real struggle for me to break out of "gay man" into "feminine woman" territory.

That said, it could be that the softer tone is for lots of reasons, I don't think it's a bad sign - much better than being viewed as a fellow man and treated as such!

this post was submitted on 10 Nov 2024
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