Melbourne

This whole uni thing doesn't feel real anymore. Nothing does really. I am so sick of being on the verge of panic every single day, and not being able to sleep. I've been putting way too much pressure on myself to the point where I'm trying to get a H1 assignment of me, in a couple of days, in an attempt to reduce the impact of the late penalty. But I am getting absolutely nothing out.

I love the uni, I love the course, I've met so many wonderful people, and I would be giving up a social opportunity that is hard to get as you get older and meet fewer people. Despite all the hiccups, tears and questioning, I think I want to stay in the course because I can't see myself doing anything else. I think getting this degree and doing this career will make me more resilient, and a better person. I don't want to "give up" and just get any random job or stay in retail forever.

So hopefully I won't get kicked out, and worst case scenario, I'll just have to repeat a couple of units and spend an extra few months at uni.

I'll see my psych again to ask for advice, maybe try out ADHD meds because I can't continue being numb to deadlines and getting long extensions that just delay things even further, and as soon as I get an assignment, at least taking a look at it. This is jeopardising my future career. I feel like ADHD meds won't work and will suck for my heart function. Surely, there's another way.

~~"Just start the bloody things earlier!"~~