That's awful. My best friend when I was a kid was subjected to much of the same thing by his mother. He said it was normal in black households. I had other black friends, but I only ever stayed the night at his house, so I can't substantiate his claim. Pretty much every time I was there his mother beat the shit out of him for some petty thing. It didn't seem normal. My mom spanked us, but his mom straight-up beat him.

There are online mental health groups, but idk if they're helpful or toxic. My guess is that they're probably toxic. For me personally, deciding to leave the past in the past, and be myself in the present, is what helped the most with childhood trauma. I hope you can find whatever works for you.