The lighter side of ADHD
"Making it a habit" is just a big lie to fix any problem even for NTs. I don't have ADHD and I will drop something I've done consistently for 6+ months in a heartbeat if I miss a single occurrence, and then it takes conscious effort for weeks to get back to it.
Idk how it works for NTs, but unless the thing tickles my brain the right way, it's not going to become a habit just through wishful thinking no matter how often I push myself to do it.
Oh 💯
Why i gotta see this now, when I'm trying to avoid forming a habit by not going and getting a membership to the gym less than a mile away from me?
Just a word of warning. If you don't want to do it, you're never going to. I don't mean "I want to want to do it", but actually desire to do it. I paid for a membership for years before I actually went consistently. That money could've been spent a million different ways that were better than paying for something I had no desire to use
I bought a treadmill and stationary bike a few years ago.. weight training is less of a concern for me than cardio and getting in shape to use a bike as transport.. also the treadmill is meant to make VR less nauseating for me, and I haven’t wanted to play VR since getting it because it’s so nauseating..?
I’ve used the stationary bike a few dozen times, but the treadmill is still in the box.
I want to use them… well no, I want to want to use them…. Which means I don’t.
I was right there with you for most of my life. Antidepressants changed that for me but I know not everyone is depressed/has access to psych care. Hopefully it clicks for you one day
Thanks!
This isn’t depression.. I mean that’s probably some of it, but not the bulk of it. I’m actually in a much better headspace now than I’ve been for the last 15 years or so. It turns out my baseline happiness is that of a relentless optimist. Everything is going to be good, even though it really isn’t right now sort of thing. I have zero basis for that assertion, because my life is a complete shitshow, but I won part of the gene lottery on that one.
I was dx adhd at 5 (35 years ago) and pretty sure there’s a heavy dose of autism in there that wasn’t picked up because I’m AFAB and old, and getting screened for that now serves no purpose unless I want to be in a “work camp”.. (American)
The problem is object permanence. Most of the time I don’t even remember I have a treadmill, and when I do, like when I see the box, I never want to set the damned thing up. It’s not pressing or important, nor is it something I want to do, so it doesn’t get done.
I just built a chicken coop tho, so I’m capable of doing things I need to do, just not things I should, but would rather not tbh, do.
Dr. K. put it like this in a video: Habit forming is not in the frontal lobe, and is not directly affected by ADHD.
It has not worked for me yet, but I'm currently trying again. I suspect that, indirectly, ADHD does play a role, and additional tricks are needed, but I have hope.
That's all well and good in theory, and sure, it's something a doctor says
But a lot of the time I've just found that they just don't know what they're talking about, thus indirectly contributing to the stigma by making it seem like it's just "our fault" yet again
I'd love for nothing more than for me to fix my life. Hell, I've been trying my whole life. I've been putting such a great burden on myself I've burned myself out completely. It's far from as simple as that
Sorry, it's not directed at you, I've just seen these influencers pop up here and there and they annoy me, especially by their know-it-all attitude
I would guess that starting the habit is harder wirh adhd. Something doesn't become a habit after just doing it once, you need to do it for a while first. Adhd can make that harder both because you might simply forget and because of executive dysfunction.
I would think that for people without adhd the "forget it once and suddenly it's gone" also applies (seems consistent with my understanding of human memory), but restarting it might be easier so it doesn't feel like it.
I guess I'm the exception.
I'm not medicated. The only control I have over my life is by doing exactly this; making things into habits. I'm a creature of habit and I'm on autopilot most of the time. Integrating daily challenges into that autopilot mode has changed my life.
What kind of challenges, can you please elaborate ?
I find it difficult to pull myself out of long autopilot "drifts" is what I like to call them; where I'm not consciously electing to do anything in particular, I'm just moving through the day at the whim of whatever catches my attention. This is problematic because there are things that I actually want to do during the day; things I've been thinking about doing for a while like making music, DIY projects, anything really.
While I'm in these drifts I'm essentially lighting time on fire. It's almost always completely wasted time which causes a problem. Once I'm able to snap out of the drift, I realize I've squandered time that I needed to dedicate to the things I actually wanted to do. This causes me immense stress and existential dread. Feels like I'm actually wasting my life.
If I snap out of it early, I'm stressed to cram in all the things I wanted to do and sometimes the stress is so overwhelming that I can't think clearly enough to get anything done and I'll just give up and fall into doomscrolling or some other time wasting thing like that.
This ties into my habits because when I didn't have day-to-day chores and responsibilities integrated into these drifts it would all get pushed to the next day and I'd procrastinate heavily until it became a problem not only for me but for my wife as well.
I put some deep thought into what's going on during these weird drift times and I realized a lot of what I'm doing is actually just force of habit, some good habits but mostly bad habits. I figured that since these habits are so strongly ingrained in me to the point that I often don't even realize that I'm doing any of them in particular until after they're done, I thought that if I could integrate the chores and other undesirable necessities of being a functioning person in a household into these drift states, I'd likely just end up getting all this shit done without putting too much brain power into tracking and remembering to do them, let alone the effort to commit to the task.
It took me about two months of painful dedication to burning these activities into my brain as new habits. When I'd be tempted to just put them off until later, I'd stop and pep talk myself into just fucking doing the thing, no exceptions or excuses and not allow myself to do anything else until it was done. Sometimes it was stuff as simple as just taking cups from my office down to the dishwasher. Other times it was more detailed and lengthy responsibilities that come with being a husband and a homeowner.
It was incredibly difficult for a while to force myself as a round peg through the square hole so to speak. Sometimes I just wanted to cry when I realized that I couldn't just procrastinate and that I had committed myself to doing the dishes after every single meal. Sounds silly but when your mind is racing with all these things that you're hyperfixated on (mostly music for me), the thought of losing time with that, even for 15 minutes to do dishes, can feel catastrophic.
What's funny is that I didn't even realize a specific moment when these new habits just clicked. My wife said one day "Man, you've done a complete 180 on this stuff. The house is clean, everything is done all the time, I can't believe it". In that moment I hadn't even realized that I had actually achieved my goal. All of these previously loathsome tasks that drove me nuts were just integrated into my day and I wasn't even thinking about them anymore.
I'd think about what I did previously first thing in the morning; make a pot of coffee. Where previously I'd just stand around scrolling waiting for my coffee, I noticed in hindsight that I had actually brought laundry downstairs on my way to the kitchen, started the pot, went out side and filled bird feeders and baths, finished up a small amount of dishes in the sink from movie night the night before, and cleaned the counter tops because they needed it - all on autopilot.
This isn't a flawless process either. It requires its own maintenance. I'll notice every couple of weeks that I'm leaving more cups and dishes on my desk in my office than I should be, or that I put off scooping the cat litter until the morning for no real reason and have to have my own little internal pep talk again to remind myself of my commitment to myself and also to my wife; that I'm an active participant in this household with shared responsibilites with my wife and that I'm not a slave to my mind's weird thought process. I stop and I think about what I'm doing and why and that gives me the motivation to do the things I need to do.
The best part is that this is much more efficient than just living off the cuff and at the whim of my brain's weirdness and that despite doing more chores than ever, I have way more free time to do the things I enjoy. I consider it one of the biggest wins of my life up to this point.