this post was submitted on 23 Jun 2025
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I've found dating apps to be an absolute minefield, regularly getting my profile pictures (very tame and appropriate pictures) reported on HER for example, presumably by transphobes, before I left it.

Beyond that, I feel invisible on the more mainstream apps because I'm ethically nonmonogamous and I suppose that understandably shrinks my dating pool even further.

Does anyone have any app/site suggestions for an ENM lady who is tired of having to fight for my right to exist as a gay woman on a dating app?

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[–] lazyneet@programming.dev 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Grindr is full of kinky people. It's also full of ad spam and bots. Scruff is a little more dignified but it's mainly for bears, and the more attractive of them sometimes put things like "no fem" on their profiles. The only one I wouldn't recommend is Recon, which is kink-focused, and only because I've never even come close to getting a date through that, though I am in the US.

Apps I haven't tried: I hear Barq is good for furries. Feeld is a kink-focused app but I think it's mostly straight people.

[–] apotheotic@beehaw.org 4 points 2 days ago

Thank you! I have tried grindr and I was not enjoying the vibes at all. I'm only really into fems which I should have put in the OP so I think scruff may be a bad fit too. I'll give recon a look, just for curiosity's sake. Feeld, too!

[–] RavindraNemandi@ttrpg.network 2 points 3 days ago (2 children)

You could try Fetlife! Its not a dating app specifically, but rather a kink focused social network/forum. You can find communities for your area and interests, and a lot of people on there are poly.

has Fetlife cleaned up thir act? it was a data scraper cesspit last lime I logged in

[–] apotheotic@beehaw.org 1 points 2 days ago

Oh good idea, thank you!