Not autism but ADHD and social anxiety and I struggle with this so much ๐ฅฒ
I've gotten a lot better with it though :)
this post was submitted on 22 Jul 2025
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I've had this for the most time, social fear with exactly that thinking. I did overcome it in the last years though. I can't really explain how but I internalized that other people can be like that too, so you're not alone, and that when there are no rules, you can behave how it's comfortable to you and that's 100% fine.
Haven't seen conventions mentioned in this thread. Big or small, cons give me the "i don't belong here" feels
Literally everyone in the world does this.
Also NTs aren't feeling so much anxious in such situations as NDs do
Hard agree
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Went to a Korean barbecue place last night. First time I've ever been there, first time I've ever been to that part of town, it was the end of the night so we were the only people there trying to figure things out. We apparently managed to do everything right, but we were really unsure if we were the entire time until the check came. We did however manage to accidentally upgrade to the premium meat options but it was totally worth it.
I was always terrified to take the bus for this reason. I never did in grade school (always was picked up) so the few times I had to take the bus was pretty bad - none of the teachers or bus drivers ever told us how to do it, it was just assumed that everyone knew where all the stops were. This was exacerbated by the fact that since I was not a regular, the driver forgot my stop. So the second and maybe last time I took the bus, little 10yo me got off 1 stop early out of fear and walked the rest of the way.
This caused a deep seated trauma around buses and public transit that was only mitigated when I moved somewhere with excellent (by US standards) transit, though I still feel like a fish out of water if I don't know the route or the stops - so trains are a lot less stressful.
One other approach would be to do it your way. Being accepted is nice, being yourself is too. For me it is some point in between.
No one has all the answers. Some might think they do and some might get close, but there's always something there to throw a wrench in what we know.
That's why the best answer is to simply not give a fuck. Learn what you can, take failures as lessons but try not to fuck up too bad. If you do fuck up, fuck up with glee knowing you can always be the one to throw the wrench and that no one else really knows what they're doing.