The Edmonds is leading a cult aimed at cracking the skies open and manifesting the old and terrible gods who will bring about a million years of suffering. He doesn't really have time to send videos of him in his undercrackers sitting on his sofa.

"In a statement read out by a spokesman, the polka-dotted monstrosity denied the allegations saying, 'That wasn't my cock in the photo, that's just what I look like. This is yet another example of discrimination against nightmare-inducing, diseased-penis-looking, boggle-eyed motherfuckers like me and it needs to stop.' "