My grandparents were turkish and swedish, respectively, but neither took it upon themselves to teach either language to their children. My mother didn't even know her mom knew swedish til she was almost an adult, and the disconnected handful of turkish words was a result of trying to sneak ice cream past the kids. We were all 100% americanized and I feel horribly out of place even though I'm technically only second generation.

I do have relatives overseas, but I understand half of them are dead now. Since I was a kid when my own mom was ostracized, I barely even know any names and as I've said, I've never actually visited or interacted with them in any way. They may not even know I exist, tbh.

I could theoretically message my one remaining second cousin, I admit. You're correct. I have the sense this would be very awkward and I'd honestly rather speak to a stranger than explain who the fuck I am and why they should care.

Bonus points if they turn out to be super racist hypernationalists like my granpa so I get to be rejected by the one remaining relative that hasn't gotten around to it yet. Which isn't a thing that's physically preventing me, the prospect just popped into my head and makes me really sad and it would add to my therapy bills

I kind of get it. My family is Jamaican and even so they haven't cared to speak patois in the house for years nor do they really see the value in helping me learn (assuming they weren't at work), instead laughing at me for messing up words here & there & still speaking US english.