I can't believe I forgot to write my daily entry again. Feeling very disappointed with myself... Admittedly, it was a Travel Friday, so that does explain why it would happen, but still. This is rather unfortunate.

This is reminding me of Matt D'Avella's 2-day rule

or whatever he calls it.

I've been spending some time with my grandma and little brother, very enjoyable time.

I'm hoping to instil in him some good lessons, but I'm also afraid to pressure him too much. I want him to realize how important these years are for his life going forward, but I also don't want him to burn out. I think he understands, but I don't want him to resent me, even if things work out.

I'm trying to keep a balance of telling him what to do and letting him do whatever he feels like doing.

Ate sushi today, but it didn't sit right for some reason. It usually does...

I also saw a very cute girl today. There's this archetype of nerdy girl that I really appreciate; it's kinda like Sayaka from Eikouzen, but there's a lot of art online with this particular set of characteristics and a lot of online personalities that either embody it or occasionally "cosplay" it, dress up in that style, whatever you wanna call it.

I'm a very neutral person; I don't think I have a boring personality, necessarily, but I do find myself interested in a lot of things most people find boring or weird. Something I'm thoroughly uninterested in, however, is love and relationships. I have some people I care about and that's good enough. I don't say good enough as in "I can live with this" but as in "I find no reason to look for more than this" and "I can't imagine better than this." In a way, I can see why some people might see that as problematic, but I disagree.

Still.

That girl made me honestly consider hitting on someone.

Reading this, I promise you, you have no idea how monumental a statement that just was.

She was beautiful, and looked so cool. Plus, she was eating sushi

who doesn't love a sushi lover?! I certainly do!

She really blew me away. Not enough for me to actually make a move, though, mind you. And really, as I said, I don't see the point. I feel like it'd be performative. Honestly, I don't want to talk to her... That's the end of the whole thing, right there, isn't it?

It's one of those things that I do end up thinking about, though.

I'd like to think I can't have a lot of change left in me, but objectively, I can't know that for sure. What if she was someone capable of revolutionizing my life, giving me a different sort of purpose, making me a better person? I guess that's the whole point of meeting new people; the possibility that they can change you for the better trumps the chance that they might be a dud.

Of course, there's the chance that they might change you for the worse; at the same time, one should be confident in oneself not to let outsiders negatively shift their character. They do say, to be loved is to be changed. Maybe to love is to change both oneself and another. To mould each other into a fitting pair or to mix one another into a different thing altogether.

This isn't something I'm particularly keen on experiencing, but I do find it interesting to think about.

Maybe I should've hit on that nerdy girl with the crop-top.

I'm losing weight, by the way. I might've mentioned last time I was home

2 weeks ago

that my weight had dropped to around 77 kg; it is now at 75! Well, it was a 77.8 or something like that, and is now at 75.75 kg. Still, a 2 kg drop in two weeks. This is a very reasonable pace, in my humble opinion. I've been eating healthy and well. I mean, to be perfectly honest, I was actually a bit scared I'd been eating a little bit too well, if you catch my meaning.

These past couple of weeks I ate out twice and had a bag of sweets and a bunch of bread. Even in retrospect, it's hard to believe I didn't gain weight. I didn't feel like I did anything particularly energy expending either... I did take a particularly long walk, at some point, but that was it!

I can't quite remember when I quit unhealthy snacks

like chips and sugary cookies, though I still do eat some plain dry cookies regularly

but I'm thinking that might've been a very significant factor in my progress. I really hope that, by this time next month, I'll be at my goal of 73 kg. I'd be so proud of myself if I reached that. I'm going at a steady and respectable pace.

I'll re-evaluate at 73, but I'm already thinking that I'll probably decide to keep going until 67 kg. That's a bit of an undertaking, but I think I can do it.

I'm guiding myself by BMI here, which I know is an imperfect metric, but I still think there's value in it. At 67 kg I'd be smack dab in the middle of the "Normal Weight" range for my height and age. I'll keep a look on my body and see if I'm looking too skinny or something. I doubt it, but I'll have to be careful regardless. One thing to add, though, is that I do want to get some muscle. I don't think I'm weak or anything

actually I feel pretty strong, overall

but my muscular development has been very lower-body-focused recently on account of my cycling, so I intend to get some work done on my upper body as well.

I don't know if it's the right time to work on that... I don't mean in the sense of optimization or anything; I assume the "best" time to start is yesterday, and the second-best time is today; what I mean is that I hate exercise so I want to postpone this until I feel like I look "weak" and then just fill myself in until I look good.

Hope that makes sense. Maybe I'm crazy.

That was actually something I worried about, running the scenario of hitting on the girl in my head. I don't look good enough. I thought my fit was actually decent; I mean, it was pretty normal and she was way out-swagging me, but it was fine. I got compliments on my shoes twice today (my younger and cooler brother and his friend), actually. Still, I'm still too close to overweight to feel confident.

Maybe that's a bad way to think.

I guess being insecure about one's looks is normal, so I'm not worried I'm weird for being this way, but I don't want this to keep me from doing what I want. I know for a fact I'm not so ugly people are afraid to look at me or they point and stare or something. I think I look rather unremarkable, actually, in the grand-scheme of things, which I think is good. I'd just like to try and improve some aspects of my looks before I start doing things that scare me. Maybe that's the wrong way to think, though... I've heard confidence is very attractive, so it might be a chicken and egg sort of situation. Who knows, really?

There's other cute nerdy girls out there, I'm sure. She was in a different city anyway. If I see her again, though, I'll take it as a sign from the universe and chat her up.