this post was submitted on 10 Apr 2025
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[–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 week ago

No. An absent parent is an absent parent. What makes that person absent is what may make them bad parents.

You can be absent physically and not be absent emotionally.

A parent that is not present for their children because they can’t be bothered to do so, when they could is a bad parent. A parent that just checks out to go to work, thinking that material possessions can fill the gap they create by not being around are absent but not bad. Stupid but not bad.

I think I understand where you're coming from on this. You think that it's the intentions behind it that makes a parent good or bad. I say that it's more than that. Does the child feel loved and safe? Then the other stuff is peripheral. If you're absent working and come hope happy to see your kid, then all the other stuff can be dismissed, imo. If Dad goes off to work for a month away, the kid will be mad and upset, but it's not life changing if they know they're loved.

I stand by my words. Meddling in personal likings, interests and sexuality is not a role any parents should take. But feel free to elaborate on this point. I sense there was more to be said. I’m an adult; I can take a critique.

From the "take the hit" comment, I thought you were coming from a different angle. I agree meddling is bad, but being a sounding board and learning from each other about their liking's, interests and sexuality is great. It sounded like you were completely hands off and not talking about it at all. Accepting the person as they are is the goal. Again, the feeling loved and safe part.

And I appreciate your concern for my children but it wasn’t you that had to search help for feeling inadequate as a parent, because my own father was a sorry excuse of a human being and I didn’t want to go down the same road.

I'm glad you searched for help.

I’m not passing judgement on you; how about you show me the same courtesy?

Again, the "take the hit" part made it sound like you were judging the kid. I apologize. I helped raised kids when I was too young to do so and made a lot of mistakes and have regrets. I wish someone would have been direct with me and I was offering what I would have wanted. Good discussion anyway.