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this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2025
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For the better part of 30 years I have used a non-gendered language when possible. I was elated to find that "they" was originally, 13th century, a single pronoun instead of plural. I have probably used "one" way more times than is healthy.
~30 years ago I was living in/near Hillcrest, San Diego. Gay, trans, drag and everything else. I was online and people's genders were frequently unknown. In 1993 we already had the issues that On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog.. Now we have AI which has no gender pronoun, I'm voting for "hal".
Point is that avoiding gendering text has been and will continue to be the safer option for general purpose writing. Some people will get bent out of shape that you didn't use gender specific language because the Narcissism of Small Differences means they must see you as the enemy even if you agree with them on 99% of things. Trying to have a generally non-discriminatory pronoun policy? That's a paddling. Your good intentions must be stopped because they aren't pure enough.
It sucks. Instead of focusing on the slander used by hate speech and the remediation sought by the one who was wronged we are totally lost in the weeds and focused on if we used the right three letters because avoiding the wrong three wasn't enough. It's thought police with the best of intentions but it's still thought police.
I do the same, but if someone's gender is known it's really not hard to use one of their preferred pronouns.
I don't think that's being the 'thought police' and it's certainly not something to focus on instead of hate speech, we can do both.
And figuring out their preferred pronouns isn't always easy. Can you trust the news source to have gotten it right? You end up getting stalkerish and seeing if they have made a public statement on their pronouns and you have to make sure it's current because gender can be fluid and maybe it changed since the story broke. And do you need to go revise your previous posts and comments to update the current status? Or do you go with evergreen and neutral because you definitely don't want someone digging through your history and seeing something different from whatever is current and then jumping on the cancel wagon without checking the calendar to see if it was appropriate at the time.
This isn't as simple as a lot of people want it to be. Going neutral isn't a slight. It's not misgendering. It's a way to avoid accidentally making an error even with the best of intentions.
My old roommate was trans. They went through multiple gender identities before settling on that. And every post I made mentioning them is still clean because I went with the gender neutral before they had ever made their first change.
usually the pronouns are listed somewhere or you ask
There's a reason many trans spaces in Lemmy require listed pronouns, it removes the guesswork and you can reference inline.
If you're using gendered pronouns for most cis people but then specifically degendering trans people it's going to eventually rub people the wrong way. People aren't going to care if you make an error while being well intentioned, especially if you ask for more information and correct yourself going forward.
That's great, for people in that ecosystem. I'm not there. I help when asked, I get in the way if there is a problem just like I do during domestic abuse extractions, but I don't go into trans spaces for the same reasons I don't go into black ones. I'm not wanted there unless I'm bringing a donation. And I'm too poor for that.
That would be a problem. If it was something I did. Fortunately by being consistent that isn't an issue.
Sounds like you have no reason to be defensive. Here's some posts of yours if you wanted to edit the binary pronouns used for cis people to be they/them to be more consistent though.
https://lemmy.world/comment/16503438 https://lemmy.world/comment/16496354 https://lemmy.world/comment/16494651 https://lemmy.world/comment/16493799 https://lemmy.world/comment/16493764 https://lemmy.world/comment/16450566 https://lemmy.world/comment/16450226 https://lemmy.world/comment/16332934
Thank you. I've had some serious sleep issues lately and haven't been on as diligent. I fixed them all.
no worries, sleep deprivation can be quite taxing
They won't.
Edit: they did, I stand corrected.
I did.
+1 faith in humanity
Thank you, friend.