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Screenshot of a Tumblr post by indigosfindings:
imagine if someone just like started addressing you as Dipshit, like youre just talking about your day & they say "no way Dipshit, that's crazy." and then maybe you say to them that you would prefer not to be addressed as Dipshit & their response is "well in my major metropolitan area 'Dipshit' is not considered an insult. im not saying i think youre stupid when i call you Dipshit, i call my mom dipshit all the time" so you say Thats cool but please dont call Me that. and then they just repeat that it's something they say daily, they call all of their best friends & lovers dipshits & are called dipshit in return. "my grandma calls me dipshit at the dinner table, it doesnt mean anything." so you say Yes i understand that your friends & grandma arent bothered by being called Dipshit but i am, & i would prefer if you didnt address me as that. and they say "it's literally not possible for me to stop calling you dipshit, and it's not reasonable for you to ask me to, dipshit." anyway this post is about nothing in particular
I understand the desire to have people use your pronouns, and as long as one can see what gender you are "presenting", one should use those pronouns.
If someone prefers other pronouns, then I'm sorry... Many people (me included) have a hard time remembering names... I wouldn't have a chance remembering a large set of different pronouns if I can't even remember the names of that person. A pronoun is a non specific way of addressing someone and a break life saver like "you"...
To to switch to an all inclusive them/they for everybody seems overreaching.
If it's not obvious what pronouns someone prefers, then they shouldn't be annoyed if someone makes repeatedly mistakes.
And this makes it hard to distinguish a mistake from an insult...
It isn't about remembering names, it's about being willing to use the correct one when informed. Exchange pronouns for proper names to test the concept.
If you forget someone's name and you think it is 'Pat' but it is actually 'Kelly' would you continue to call them '~~Kelly~~Pat'after remembering that it is '~~Pat~~Kelly'?
*Edit: I love that I mixed myself up even in my example. But to prove my point I'll call the correction out and be fine with that.
My problem (and many others I guess) is that i won't remember Pat or Kelly the next time. And the next time. And the next time etc etc. Especially if I only see her ever so often. No chance to remember special pronouns beyond what gender they present. He/she/him/her is relatively easy (but not always...) them/they or anything else they prefer seems overly complicated in a social setting.
But if I remember the name and intentionally use others to taunt you, then yes, I would be a cunt. And I try not to be one...
See, no, if I forget someone's name I'm entirely happy with things like "alright dude see you later," you can entirely get away without knowing someone's name. I have people I've known for years, don't know their name, not sure they know mine, and that's fine.
The problem isn't someone getting a pronoun wrong on occasion. It's when someone deliberately uses the wrong one, and often times stresses the the pronunciation, in order to make sure you know they choose to use the wrong one deliberately.
If they act like cunts, we should call them cunts. But I totally understand that's not possible in all situations, like when you have a person in power cunting all over you.
If the same person repeatedly makes the same mistake after being corrected it's fair to think that person might be an asshole.