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Screenshot of a Tumblr post by indigosfindings:
imagine if someone just like started addressing you as Dipshit, like youre just talking about your day & they say "no way Dipshit, that's crazy." and then maybe you say to them that you would prefer not to be addressed as Dipshit & their response is "well in my major metropolitan area 'Dipshit' is not considered an insult. im not saying i think youre stupid when i call you Dipshit, i call my mom dipshit all the time" so you say Thats cool but please dont call Me that. and then they just repeat that it's something they say daily, they call all of their best friends & lovers dipshits & are called dipshit in return. "my grandma calls me dipshit at the dinner table, it doesnt mean anything." so you say Yes i understand that your friends & grandma arent bothered by being called Dipshit but i am, & i would prefer if you didnt address me as that. and they say "it's literally not possible for me to stop calling you dipshit, and it's not reasonable for you to ask me to, dipshit." anyway this post is about nothing in particular
You shouldn't speak on the trans experience if you don't understand it, because you're way off-base. No one should be forced to tolerate the intolerant. If someone calls me something I don't like, I correct them. I'm not ascribing malice, but I am asking to be respected. After that point, if they continue to do it intentionally, they're an asshole and I see no reason to engage with them whatsoever. If your authentic self requires disrespecting others, you're probably not worth engaging with. This is just the paradox of tolerance again.
If you get someone's name wrong, and they correct you, you're an asshole if you continue calling them the wrong name. If you unknowingly call someone a slur, and you continue to use it after being corrected, you're an asshole. The same is true for pronouns, nicknames, adjectives, etc. You don't get to pick and choose what's disrespectful to someone else, and that means you might disagree.
Example: I'm an atheist. I find no issue with cursing god, joking about religion, etc. If a friend of mine told me that they're religious, and that it makes them uncomfortable when I do so, it would be a dick move for me to continue. I don't have to agree with them, but choosing not to respect them because I believe differently makes me an asshole. If that's a line I refuse to respect, then I should remove myself and not be around that person.
I'm not trans but I'm a feminine presenting man. Regardless, people can speak on whatever they want to, that doesn't mean they have anything of value to add though.
Tolerating intolerance is a nothing burger of a philosophical/linguistic debate. It literally stems from right wing trolls making jokes about the supposed "tolerant left" and for some stupid fucking reason troglodyte leftists feel the need to engage good faith with the statement, everytime it's brought up I just move on. It doesn't mean anything.
Someones an asshole if they are deliberately calling someone something they don't want to be called with the intention of bullying them. Intent matters more and in the above scenario the intent was clearly established to be adherence to a cultural norm, not to insult the person. It would be silly to go to Spain and be mad at them for not using preferred english pronouns even if it was made clear because like, they're just speaking their language. They don't mean anything by it. Any offence only exists in the mind of the offended.
Intent does matter, which means if someone continues "adhering to a cultural norm" after being asked to stop, their intent is now malicious. They are willfully disrespectful.
Thats where we disagree. I don't think it's automatically malicious. I think the person would have to be acting with malice for it to be malicious.