this post was submitted on 12 May 2025
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this week's reading is The Quiet Damage: QAnon and the Destruction of the American Family
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Had a panic attack Saturday night. I was deeply consumed by the fear that everyone in my life pretends to love me in order to receive my support and I will be dropped like a hot rock the minute I fall off the hamster wheel, which will probably be sooner rather than later given the imminent collapse of the U.S. economy.
I dunno though, it's kind of... Comforting, in a way? I can see that the light at the end of the tunnel is actually a train but once it hits, nobody's going to blame me for how I fell apart. Or, they will, but they'll be wrong.
I don't want everything I post here to be bad news. I'm a month and change in on HRT and my tits are already somewhere between D and F cups, and my hair's growing back in on top thanks to the finasteride and minoxidil. I already look way more androgynous than I did before, except for the beard.
Yay!!! I love that for you
Yay, boobies & locks!!
Do you think the HRT could be making the feelings you describe in your first comment more intense? Female puberty is often a tumultuous time emotionally until the brain acclimatises, even as it brings great relief and many satisfying changes, and fluctuating levels at any time can have a similar effect.
Be gentle to yourself, and try to do things you find comforting.
The thought crossed my mind but I've had panic attacks like that before, some a lot more severe and in public, mostly about how "this is the best I can do and it sucks and it only gets worse from here." Which, incidentally, ended up being mostly true due to external factors. Like I work a job I don't hate and make decent money but it's not enough because housing is unaffordable everywhere.
I think I'd be doing a lot better if the entire United States weren't staring down the barrel of yet another once-in-a-lifetime financial crisis. Like when are we ever not in crisis at this point?
We've hit the point where the economy is nakedly "we'll pay you way less than you're worth so more than half your income goes to other people who are already rich." It's a fucking scam.