TransLater

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A community for trans folk who transitioned or are transitioning later in life.

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Advice on starting the journey? (beehaw.org)

submitted 4 days ago by justme@beehaw.org to c/translater@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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Hi, everyone! I’m at the very beginning of my journey, having only recently cracked my egg and realized I’m trans. I’m still mostly closeted, having only come out to my wife, a few select friends, and my therapist. My biggest concerns thus far are centered around my wife and our son (about to be entering middle school next year).

I have no doubts about who I am and who I want to be, but I’m not really sure how to move forward in a way that minimizes the upheaval for them. My wife is cis and has always considered herself straight, so she’s unsurprisingly having some difficulty with labels and fears for the future, though she’s also trying to be supportive. But she’s also feeding into some of my own fears, and stressing the potential impact not only on our lives, but on our son, too. She’s also repeatedly expressed concerns that I’m going to want to move faster than what she’s comfortable with (even if that’s not fast at all).

Anyone who’s been through similar on their journey, I’d love to hear your perspective and how you managed to handle it to continue on your journey. I know I’m not alone, but it’s a challenge and any suggestions on how to avoid pitfalls are more than welcome!

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[–] Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Hey! I don't have much for advice, but I want to say you are so not alone! Almost 2 years ago I was in almost the same exact boat. It did take me longer to get comfortable with the idea I am trans and what to do with it, and my kids were a bit younger, but same! Same concerns.

My wife was also very hesitant, but came around to loving me for me and well see how the changes go. I haven't done anything too drastic yet, (neurodivergent tendencies make me stupid cautious and very slow to change) but I'm super interested in HRT. That alone was difficult to actually admit to myself.

Idk where exactly I wanted to go with this other than let you know others have gone through almost the exact same scenario.

Also put together a bit after figuring myself out, "oh shit!" one of my kids might be too!

[–] justme@beehaw.org 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Thank you! Not feeling alone is itself such a huge relief and weight off my shoulders. I was a bit surprised (but pleasantly so, in a way) to read in the Gender Dysphoria Bible how many of us don’t recognize we’re trans until later in life. It made me feel less mad and ashamed and whatever other negative feelings I had with myself for missing all the earlier signs.

[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

you might be interested to learn about hermeneutical injustice, let's just say it's not a coincidence we have trouble recognizing we are trans, it's a consequence of our society and its values