this post was submitted on 19 May 2025
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Advice on starting the journey? (beehaw.org)
submitted 4 days ago by justme@beehaw.org to c/translater@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Hi, everyone! I’m at the very beginning of my journey, having only recently cracked my egg and realized I’m trans. I’m still mostly closeted, having only come out to my wife, a few select friends, and my therapist. My biggest concerns thus far are centered around my wife and our son (about to be entering middle school next year).

I have no doubts about who I am and who I want to be, but I’m not really sure how to move forward in a way that minimizes the upheaval for them. My wife is cis and has always considered herself straight, so she’s unsurprisingly having some difficulty with labels and fears for the future, though she’s also trying to be supportive. But she’s also feeding into some of my own fears, and stressing the potential impact not only on our lives, but on our son, too. She’s also repeatedly expressed concerns that I’m going to want to move faster than what she’s comfortable with (even if that’s not fast at all).

Anyone who’s been through similar on their journey, I’d love to hear your perspective and how you managed to handle it to continue on your journey. I know I’m not alone, but it’s a challenge and any suggestions on how to avoid pitfalls are more than welcome!

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[–] justme@beehaw.org 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Yes, please, on additional reading recommendations! I’m still early enough in all of this to not know most of what I don’t know.

I really appreciate the advice and suggestions, and I’m trying to reframe my perspective. That was a really good point about inadvertently teaching some of the wrong lessons by giving in to fears and external pressures driven by societal bias.

[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 3 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

EDIT: and it's maybe even more important you model taking transition seriously for yourself given that being trans is genetic and your kids are more likely to be trans than the rest of the population (so how you handle your own trans-ness will certainly influence them, and that might be even more impactful if they turn out to be trans as well).

Reframing your perspective is important to protect yourself, but it's also important to bring the people in your life along with you - it's no good if your perspective has changed but your wife's hasn't, for example. Otherwise you can expect increased friction as you gain the education and perspective she needs as well. Either way, you definitely need the education for yourself regardless, esp. since you can't rely on other people (doctors, psychologists, employers, friends, etc.) to know or understand already.

OK, so I already mentioned the most important ones:

I would also add:

  • Mia Violet's memoir: Yes, You Are Trans Enough
  • everything by Casey Plett (Little Fish, A Safe Girl to Love, etc.)
  • Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters
  • Nevada by Imogen Binnie

Also:

When I first transitioned, I also read like every peer reviewed science article I could find, so on the science end, I recommend finding and reading:

Science related videos I recommend:

Also on the academic side:

There is more, but I think this is a lot for now anyway.

[–] justme@beehaw.org 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

This is fantastic, and will definitely keep me occupied for a while. Slow reader here 😅

[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I am too, it took many months to work through all of these 😅

Also, if you ever have any questions, feel free to reach out ❤️ And best of luck to you!

[–] justme@beehaw.org 2 points 2 days ago

I’m sure I will! Thank you again so much!