this post was submitted on 23 May 2025
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I don’t feel anything positive when I complete stuff. It makes daily chores exceptionally difficult. The only coping mechanism I’ve found that kind of works is a stupid little game I made on my home assistant dashboard. I get a point every time I complete a task and every six hours it deducts a point. I have it track current and high score. I have a high score of 24 because one weekend I got fed up at myself for spending weeks never getting more than 3 points. I’m sitting down around 10 points now as I try to slowly prevent the score from trickling all the way to zero. I don’t even require it to be a big task either. Take out trash, cook a meal, do dishes, clean out fridge, clean counters, burn boxes. Everything I do feels like an internal battle for me to do and once I’m done I know I’m just going to have to do it again. Oh yay, did the laundry, good thing that’s just going to need done again in a week. I don’t even enjoy eating, everything is a constant stream of chores and bs that doesn’t accomplish anything.