this post was submitted on 07 Jun 2025
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Witches VS Patriarchy
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The sort of men who come out with phrases like that are (almost universally) arseholes. Having a default response, that can be rolled out quickly, and hit at emotional sore spots is useful.
As for why it works, if they are willing to come out with that line, then either a massively misogynistic, or badly socially stunted and rude. Both will drive women away aggressively (and likely a lot of male friends).
How often does that line happen? I can definitely see "What's your favorite song/album?", that's just making conversation based on a common interest. And it can be kinda disappointing if you thought you were gonna get to talk about a band you like, but the person just liked the design and hasn't even heard them.
But "Name 5 songs"? I thought that just happened in memes.
What do you think the memes were based on? Gatekeeping is a real thing, and the "name 5 songs" is a genuine thing they'd to to "test" people as "real" fans.
Seemed mostly like "What's your favorite song by them?" getting exaggerated, for the most part. I'm not saying gatekeeping never happens, I just wouldn't expect it to be anywhere near as common as sincere attempts to strike up conversation with a fellow fan.
I think how common it is depends on your gender. It's less common now that the gatekeeping assholes are shamed for it, but still.
It's a bit of a weaponised meme. A small number of guys will use it as either a put down, or a really bad attempt at a negging pickup line. Unfortunately, they are the sort to do it to a depressing number of women, without thinking that maybe they are the arsehole, not the women turning him down.
It's also quite dependent on the demographic. E.g. It's far more likely to come up at music festivals etc.
The kind of scene where one person is excited to meet a fan and the other just liked the shirt can be so awkward and sad for everyone involved :(
But sometimes you make friends anyway!
It does only primarily happen in memes. I'm 50, lived a very unsheltered life and never once heard someone ask something so stupid in the flesh.
Not to discount your personal experience, just offering a different one, but people pretty regularly used to gatekeep in this way to me, I've been asked the "name 5 songs" question or some variant of it at least a dozen times when I was in school, it slowed significantly down in college and adulthood though.
I will note however that prior to my transition I read these things as "male social purity tests" and post transition I read them as "teenage boys need to be right so bad they'll attack anyone for anything" and I think a lot of this comes from our society ignoring the emotional needs for validation among young men and boys, causing them to lash out in this at potential friends who they see as a target for humiliation, instead of bringing these people closer.
Are you a woman? It might also be something that developed during very young gen X/millennial generation, because it was at that point I believe the band shirt trend escaped the "die hard fan" category into just general audience category. Maybe it's location based, or appearance based. If you don't "look the part" whatever that means to the person, you're a suspected "poser."
I'm younger than you and am a woman and can confirm this has happened to me on multiple occasions. I had an ex that liked band merch and I often wore their clothes out when I stayed over and just kinda kept them because they looked cool. I was generally happy to say I didn't know the band, but it happened enough times that I started telling people I got the merch off a corpse. It was generally a left field enough response that they didn't try to continue speaking to me. I can't remember the number of times it happened but it was enough to prompt me to change my response from "it's my boyfriends" to something to make the conversation stop.
Him asking her to name 5 songs is nasty, it shows he's a bully whose looking to embarrass her. That indicates women are less likely to trust him
That's totally misrepresenting it. And you know that.
I'm wondering if maybe they don't know that? Seems like they completely missed the point lol
Holy shit, no it is not. This is like dousing a grease fire with water.
If someone is coming at you with a "prove you're a real fan" question, they've got friends or they've got a video camera. The last thing you want to do is appear desperate.
Because it's an asshole thing to say. Any comeback will be good.
Because the kind of guy that asks random people to prove their fandom probably does not have many close friends.
Even more so the point is that they’re a creep.
Men policing women’s clothing is creepy, or talking down to other people as gatekeepers … also creepy.
The response is pointing out they’re a creep.
I hope my fellow men can understand.
Agree. I'm thinking "why do you even care whether I'm a big fan or not?", or "I don't need to prove anything to you", would work better
That still leaves you as the subject. The meme response puts the focus on the asshole.
I wouldn't engage with someone who did that. Win!