No Stupid Questions
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It sounds like your mom did you wrong. You can't change that. You CAN change what you do now.
Look, I've known more than a couple people who heard the same and worse from their mothers. One girl knew their dad had been abusive and their mom had to step in and take punches to keep the then-toddler girl from getting hit. A guy who's dad ran off had a young mom who really never meant to be a mom, was bad at it, and couldn't afford to feed her kids. I don't know the full stories for all my acquaintances, but those are two who both heard their moms say things like, "I wish you were never born." and "You ruined my life."
It sucks to hear that, but moms are not perfect, have their own stresses to deal with, and sometimes too much heart break can get a person to say things they should not.
Maybe life IS meaningless, but there's a bunch of us fuckers stuck here who are all struggling to make a go of it despite the circumstances, and while we can acknowledge that everything sucks, you probably don't know we think that because we're not in the worst of depression at the moment and try to fill the emptiness with small pleasantries rather than slip back into the well of sorrow, saying a mindless patter of things like, "It's a beautiful day" or "We needed the rain", or "Great game last night."
You are not alone. You can get through this. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. Try to do something -- anything -- for yourself, or for someone else, or for everyone.