Transfem

Always playing girls or male none-humans in pretty much all forms of fiction

✅ Yes, I usually preferred to play a female character if I could get away with it (i.e. if I wasn't going to be bullied or teased for it). Sometimes I thought this was for sexual reasons, but it didn't make sense because it rarely fulfilled sexual desire for me - it really was more about identity. For example, my Stardew Valley character was a woman ...

Hating the way guys treated girls (most often in dating)

✅ Didn't feel this way about dating in particular, but I was a very vocal feminist and had very negative opinions of men and the way they treat women.

Rejecting traditional masculinity, hated the idea that it was expected to act like that

✅ Yes, I was never masculine and never liked masculine things. Never wanted to be a father, never wanted to be a man or boy, tbh. It always felt wrong on a "cosmic" level - it felt like the universe made some mistake.

Ungodly ammounts of trans related porn and no interested in traditional one

I liked all kinds of porn, including trans porn - looking back the porn was related to gender issues, but I am not sure how I would have figured that out at the time based on how broadly I consumed everything on the internet.

What I will say, though, is that my earliest sexual experiences were not from visual depictions of sex, but rather about romantic and sexual stories - I remember reading a Cosmos magazine when I was 8 that had stories about women who had sex with their boyfriends and husbands, and one story about a couple getting caught in the rain and then partially stripping and having sex while still wet was the earliest example of media that served a prurient interest for me. It was actually years before I took any interest in porn, and it was always side-by-side with erotica, though eventually porn became economical and more frequent, erotica was always more fulfilling and "better" in a sense. I don't remember this being true for any other guy I knew, and now I think it makes a bit more sense.

Very open and radical pro-choice position, even from a relarively young age

✅ See above about being a staunch feminist.

Being around guys was always scary and wrong, while being around girls made me feel safe and in the correct place

✅ Yes, a good way of putting it - with guys I was always on-guard. Guys were typically violent, and I always had to be vigilant around them. They were also inconsiderate - if I had guy friends over for a sleepover they would trash my room and place and leave the next day without helping clean up. Women were always more considerate and never would do that. Guys were generally more selfish and prioritized their needs and desires. Other boys stole from me, bullied me, physically and verbally abused me, etc. Meanwhile I rarely was mistreated by women, and I always felt women were more mature, more considerate, and certainly safer (girls and women were never physically violent with me).

You could not bring me to undress in front of guys

✅ I generally had straight-As in school, but I always made a C in gym class because I refused to strip and change clothes in the boys' locker room. It never felt right, and I couldn't explain why - I rationalized that it was just body dysmorphia, that I was too fat, etc. But other fat kids changed who were ashamed of their bodies, I was the only one so frozen by it. Likewise, I never liked taking my shirt off when swimming, being topless always felt wrong. I always wondered why I felt this way, I wondered if maybe there was sexual abuse I just didn't remember or something. It didn't make sense.

Dating trans women

🚫 Never dated a trans woman, no. I was strangely curious about and attracted to trans women, though.

Watching trans porn

✅

Jealousy of women

✅

Hatred of masculinity

✅

Nonbinary Internet persona

I even identified as nonbinary IRL, but in general I opted for an agendered identity as much as I could.

Avoidance of all haircare and skincare products marketed to men

I avoided haircare and skin products in general, I neglected my body completely.

Crossdressing while in total denial of own transness

✅

Literally wishing that I was trans so that I could access bottom surgery

🚫 I didn't experience this, nor did I ever particularly desire a vagina. After 3 - 6 months of estrogen, I realized I really felt a need for bottom surgery to help my integration as a woman both personally and socially - I wanted to have the "right" body. But even then it was hard for me to feel the kind of direct desire for bottom surgery you have expressed.

I realized I specifically wanted an orchi and tried looking up excuses to get one without considering side effects (didn't realize loss of hormone production without replacement was a problem) or considering that it might somehow be related to related to gender. I had 0 clue why it was so appealing and I refused to think about that for even a second.

✅ Strangely I had a similar experience - when I was around 16 - 17 years old I learned about eunuchs in the context of The Gate to Women's Country and actively wished I could be a eunuch so I could be accepted among women as a man.