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‘An uphill battle’: why are midlife men struggling to make – and keep – friends?
(www.theguardian.com)
this post was submitted on 11 Jul 2025
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I may not be the typical man, but I am mid-life, so I’m at least partially qualified to provide some anecdata on this.
Friends feel like a chore. I have to cultivate and nurture something when I’m barely able to keep a plant alive.
It would be a lot easier to make and keep friends if there was something mandatory I had to do every couple weeks. (If it’s voluntary I would find something more important to do.)
Being around a large group of people to accomplish a task is how I build relationships. But I don’t see anything like that around.
Where do you live? The reserve armed forces in Canada would fit that bill, depending on your feelings about that. A day a week and a weekend a month, I forget exactly but it's consistent, paid, but it's supposed to be easy enough to fit into a normal life schedule. They usually do disaster relief and stuff like that when they do get called, but theoretically you could be signing up for more given the state of the world.
Boy scouts/girl Guides/youth groups are always looking for group leaders.
Volunteer fire also gets close to that mark, it's voluntary but if you don't show up you get replaced.
And volunteer becomes "mandatory" the deeper you get. If you can find a small soup kitchen or conservation group, and really hold yourself to it for a few months, you might find you become vital to that organization. Then I guess it's up to your personal brain chemistry what "mandatory" means. If you have the keys, I'd assume you'd be there 30 minutes before the weekly soup prep afternoon is supposed to start to open up and meet that new person to show them around.
Many of these groups are small and in desperate need of good help and sometimes even leadership. On that same note some are little fifedoms and if you aren't getting good vibes just cut bait and move on.