Hi dad, unfortunately my biological dad doesn't offer me his support, so I write here.
I am 26 years old and I am living with my parents but I really wish I had the energies to move out. My parents are physically abusive towards one another, my mother suffers from schizophrenia and thinks everyone hates her, uses me as a punchbag for her emotions and criticizes all of my choices. My father cheats on her and is emotionally unavailable for me. If I were a normal person I'd just head out of here, but unfortunately "normal" I am not as I myself suffer from diagnosed general (and quite strong) anxiety and I think some depression as well and everything seems so difficult for me.
I also feel really ashamed for having failed college, sometimes I even feel 'stupid' because of it. Now I’m working as an unskilled employee, and it makes me afraid to move out because I constantly worry: will I be able to find another job?
On top of that, I feel a lot of pressure at work. I’m the only one who can maintain and develop the company’s software. While we have other team members, like an AI prompt engineer, a backup engineer, several people in sales, and a graphic designer, I’m the only actual developer. My colleagues have told me that if I left it would be very difficult for them to keep things running, and some even said they'd have to quit too. That kind of responsibility weighs heavily on me.
I'd also love to go back at college but time is running up before I lose the credits I acquired. But I don't know how I could study while also maintaining myself with a full time job.
Sorry dad for pouring all that on you. I really don't know what to do and I feel really lost. A hug would be more than enough.
You are doing a great job. You are a skilled and smart person. Life is hard right now, but nothing lasts forever. Those hard times will pass. It's okay if the credits expire. You learned something and if you go back to college, it will be far easier with the experience you have gained. It's very normal to not be able to afford returning to college in your 20s.
It sounds like you are doing really well at work. That experience will pay off and look good in interviews. You are building the skills, resume and experience to get new and better jobs in the future. I'm really proud of you and everything you have accomplished.
Once you get a safe living location that doesn't constantly tear you down, you will feel better. I suffer from depression and anxiety as well. Escaping my family didnt cure me, but god damn does getting to choose the people allowed in your life help.