Hi dad, unfortunately my biological dad doesn't offer me his support, so I write here.
I am 26 years old and I am living with my parents but I really wish I had the energies to move out. My parents are physically abusive towards one another, my mother suffers from schizophrenia and thinks everyone hates her, uses me as a punchbag for her emotions and criticizes all of my choices. My father cheats on her and is emotionally unavailable for me. If I were a normal person I'd just head out of here, but unfortunately "normal" I am not as I myself suffer from diagnosed general (and quite strong) anxiety and I think some depression as well and everything seems so difficult for me.
I also feel really ashamed for having failed college, sometimes I even feel 'stupid' because of it. Now I’m working as an unskilled employee, and it makes me afraid to move out because I constantly worry: will I be able to find another job?
On top of that, I feel a lot of pressure at work. I’m the only one who can maintain and develop the company’s software. While we have other team members, like an AI prompt engineer, a backup engineer, several people in sales, and a graphic designer, I’m the only actual developer. My colleagues have told me that if I left it would be very difficult for them to keep things running, and some even said they'd have to quit too. That kind of responsibility weighs heavily on me.
I'd also love to go back at college but time is running up before I lose the credits I acquired. But I don't know how I could study while also maintaining myself with a full time job.
Sorry dad for pouring all that on you. I really don't know what to do and I feel really lost. A hug would be more than enough.
If you're a developer, especially one who is a key role, you are skilled.
College isn't for everyone, and if it's not for you, right now or ever, you are not a failure.
I've been saddled with mental health "issues" for as long as I can remember, and it's only been quite recently that I dared to imagine that I might be "better than I was before," in a kind of sticky permanent way. I don't want you to have to spend so much time fighting yourself. Seek professional help if you aren't already. It will be work, and it might get worse before it gets better. Medication can be part of the answer, if you're down in a hole, you need a ladder, but you still have to climb it. The ladder just makes it possible.
Priority: take care of yourself first. You are not responsible for your parents; you cannot fix them, at least not while you're drowning yourself. Even if you felt every confidence, it would be a herculean task for you to sort them out. They are who they are, not who you wish they would be, I'm afraid.
Living on your own is expensive, I know. You'll need to save money, lots of it. That might be a lifestyle change.
Your time will come.