Hi dad, unfortunately my biological dad doesn't offer me his support, so I write here.
I am 26 years old and I am living with my parents but I really wish I had the energies to move out. My parents are physically abusive towards one another, my mother suffers from schizophrenia and thinks everyone hates her, uses me as a punchbag for her emotions and criticizes all of my choices. My father cheats on her and is emotionally unavailable for me. If I were a normal person I'd just head out of here, but unfortunately "normal" I am not as I myself suffer from diagnosed general (and quite strong) anxiety and I think some depression as well and everything seems so difficult for me.
I also feel really ashamed for having failed college, sometimes I even feel 'stupid' because of it. Now I’m working as an unskilled employee, and it makes me afraid to move out because I constantly worry: will I be able to find another job?
On top of that, I feel a lot of pressure at work. I’m the only one who can maintain and develop the company’s software. While we have other team members, like an AI prompt engineer, a backup engineer, several people in sales, and a graphic designer, I’m the only actual developer. My colleagues have told me that if I left it would be very difficult for them to keep things running, and some even said they'd have to quit too. That kind of responsibility weighs heavily on me.
I'd also love to go back at college but time is running up before I lose the credits I acquired. But I don't know how I could study while also maintaining myself with a full time job.
Sorry dad for pouring all that on you. I really don't know what to do and I feel really lost. A hug would be more than enough.
Hey son,
It sounds like you are a skilled employee. One important lesson is that employers by their very nature try to minimize pay and this can lead to you feeling unvalued or unskilled but don't believe it. Know your worth. If nothing else use this time as a learning experience. Are you learning something that moves you forward in your career? Great. If not then try as hard as you can to learn on your off hours. I know that's hard but that's what i had to do when i was working retail
As far as failing college... don't dwell on this. I think you can learn a lot about someone's failures. The important things are this:
The biggest disservice you can do to yourself is tell yourself you can't do something. If part of you says that then tell that part "hey fuck you, i can do this!". No matter how many times you fall, don't stop believing in yourself. Everyone fails, or they aren't pushing themselves.
If you really want to go back to college then make it happen. Online classes or night classes will be better for your work schedule, that's how i was able to do it. It took me years doing part time classes while working full time but i eventually graduated.
Now come here and give your old man a hug kid