Hi dad, unfortunately my biological dad doesn't offer me his support, so I write here.
I am 26 years old and I am living with my parents but I really wish I had the energies to move out. My parents are physically abusive towards one another, my mother suffers from schizophrenia and thinks everyone hates her, uses me as a punchbag for her emotions and criticizes all of my choices. My father cheats on her and is emotionally unavailable for me. If I were a normal person I'd just head out of here, but unfortunately "normal" I am not as I myself suffer from diagnosed general (and quite strong) anxiety and I think some depression as well and everything seems so difficult for me.
I also feel really ashamed for having failed college, sometimes I even feel 'stupid' because of it. Now I’m working as an unskilled employee, and it makes me afraid to move out because I constantly worry: will I be able to find another job?
On top of that, I feel a lot of pressure at work. I’m the only one who can maintain and develop the company’s software. While we have other team members, like an AI prompt engineer, a backup engineer, several people in sales, and a graphic designer, I’m the only actual developer. My colleagues have told me that if I left it would be very difficult for them to keep things running, and some even said they'd have to quit too. That kind of responsibility weighs heavily on me.
I'd also love to go back at college but time is running up before I lose the credits I acquired. But I don't know how I could study while also maintaining myself with a full time job.
Sorry dad for pouring all that on you. I really don't know what to do and I feel really lost. A hug would be more than enough.
I couldn't have said better. The abusive parents to abusive friends pipeline is strong. Finding the right people in your life can be life changing. It was for me. Once I met people that treated like a human being, respected me and allowed me to be myself, escaping home and my shitty "friends" was natural.
But you need help now, OP, not counting on luck. My advice is to find a local abuse support group so you can meet people that understand what you're going through, and also realize you're not alone.
Let me close with something that took me years to realize: you deserve happiness. You deserve that compliment someone gave you. You deserve the attraction you elicit in people you're attracted to. You're not lesser, or less deserving; those things people give you and you think you can't accept are yours, take them. Be yourself for yourself and not for others, and go fight for your happiness.