this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2025
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Why do men keep on having dates with me and then eventually leave? (lemmy.zip)
submitted 1 month ago by choihanna@lemmy.zip to c/askmen@lemmy.world
96 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

So before anything I'm a trans woman (20), I do not claim to be a real woman or try to put women down or mock them. So please I'd like to ask you to abstein from comments about it because I already know what I am.

I've been trying dating apps because they feel safer than just dating people from your daily life when I was a teen (friends and classmates).

I do have a note on my profile that notifies these men about what I am before they can chat with me, some unmatch, others will say bad stuff before leaving, but another big amount stay. Everything goes fine we chat for a long time, we have a few dates, but in the end they all seem to lose interest at some point.

It just makes me so tired of meeting a lot of different men every month. I don't understand what they want.

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[–] erin@piefed.blahaj.zone 0 points 1 month ago (2 children)

That's not "the truth," that's blatant transphobia. That is a statement that trans women aren't "real" women.

[–] Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I don't think that identifying that someone else identifies as trans is transphobic, and they certainly didn't say that trans women aren't real women.

I dont need to go further than the 6th word to know the answer. You know it. We know it. Sorry. Just face reality.

I read this in a couple of ways. First, it could mean that the dating pool for trans women, when compared to cis women, is incredibly small. Second, it could mean that by virtue of being a trans woman, the op has to expect some amount of experimentation on the part of her partners, and in romance more experiments fail than succeed.

[–] elbarto777@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

And there could be other factors not related to being trans as well.

OP could be ugly, or clingy, or "mean when drunk" etc.

I'm a heterosexual cis man, ugly as fuck, and in my decades of dating, I'd say 90% of my relationships fail after a couple of months. I could have attributed at being a bit overweight, or being brown in a relatively white region, or being an immigrant. But I've seen others with my characteristics succeed where I fail. My odds improved with introspection and willingness to adapt.

OP, if you're still reading the comments, we need more info.

[–] choihanna@lemmy.zip 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Well I'm plain average in my opinion, here's two picture of myself

I don't drink alcohol tho

[–] elbarto777@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Thanks for sharing. In my eyes, you are an attractive woman. So, looks ain't it.

It's been two months. Are you still having the same problem? Or are things better these days, dating-wise? I'm asking because I don't want to give you unsolicited advice if you don't want it anymore.

[–] choihanna@lemmy.zip 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I think it's just my personality, I was bullied in highschool until I was 18 so I'm a very awkward person and that with low self-esteem overall it's just unattractive. And well on top of that being trans it's too many downsides for all guys.

[–] elbarto777@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago

Sorry you're going through that. I was bullied too, and my parents did a lot of damage to my self-esteem.

I was a very awkward kid and young adult. Now people describe me as outgoing and pleasant to be with. It took some effort, but it's doable.

What I'm trying to say is, please believe that you can overcome that too, even if it sounds hard or near impossible. I thought I was a hopeless case. But I could do it and so can you.

[–] Iceblade02@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

That's not how I read the comment, and I very much doubt that's how it was intended or how most people interpreted it.