this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2025
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I have been mulling over your comment for a couple of days.
I think the set up is different. I have a lot of things I am interested in, but none that is fundamental. So I can easily start a conversation over a shared interest, even if the other interests do not align. Sometimes I pick up extra stuff on the way, but mostly I use a limited shared interest to set the foundations from which to develop a friendship. I find that once you get talking for a bit, you don’t need a specific shared topic anymore.
Do you aim to build friendships fully connected to your interests?
Everything you just described is my experience too, minus the part about having a lot of interests already.
The thing that I was describing is that, for whatever reason, the things that I find interesting are niche enough to others that I won't find people who already know/care about the same things organically. That's not much of an issue if you have enough interests to balance that out, but I don't really have that.
To put it another way, I'm not filtering for people who already have most of my interests, I'm filtering for people who share any of my interests, but that's already filters most because I'm into few things with little popularity. So, "connected to [my] interests?" Yes. "Fully"? No.
That probably sounds really lonely, but I honestly don't mind that much. Like you've described, most of the friends I've had for a while I can talk about whatever with. What I'm describing is mostly a mild inconvenience when meeting new people.
Thanks for being willing to share your experience!