this post was submitted on 24 Sep 2025
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Do I have more than one personality and im just talking to myself?
j/k
https://www.fairplaylife.com/the-book I recently read this book and while its not specifically around ND and ADHD it really helped me understand the position my partner was in as the "default" We also found a couples therapist that specializes in ADHD.
Its not a crutch to get out of things, but if you are letting things default to your partner it will feel like that. This book and method might help.
I found that therapists tend to focus on helping resolve her issues with me and disregard my issues with her, even if they are related. I haven't felt heard in our therapy sessions. One therapist we tried even started our first session with a comment on how they generally agree with the wife.
I think it is because my wife complains about common issues that women face. The problem is that her issues are overblown or untrue. She still gets sympathy and focus.
My therapist has seen the cold side I see; however, no one else has. My sister-in-law is beginning to notice things, but she still suggests that I change, rather than asking her to.
I often thought the same thing, until I really took the time to understand the core of the resentment. Turns out it was not overblown or untrue, just that I did not really have the perspective.
Thats not to say that she is not part of the problem in my case, but the things that I was denying were not her fault, and I was totally blind to them in part because of my ND but also because of the blanket patriarchy and privilege i was raised in.