cw: TERFs and general transphobia
For the most part, I avoid Reddit like the plague, but when I'm feeling sad, I find myself going on r/terf_trans_alliance, and then I feel worse.
I don't know what drives them to participate, but the minority of trans posters are ridiculed, subjected to abusive comments, and mass downvoted for any attempt to get through to them in a way that isn't absolute self-flagellating placation. Some things I noticed after just a minute or two of scrolling:
spoiler
- The term "TRA"
- Accusations of male socialization, with some gaslighting when trans people try to discuss their personal experiences about their upbringings that do not fit the narrative
- Accusations of "mansplaining"
- Assumptions that trans women are predatory
- Assumptions that trans women have an entitlement complex
- Accusations that trans women conform to rigid misogynist stereotypes, but also that trans women are too masculine to embody what they identify as
- Assertions that trans women defending themselves need to accept male privilege, comparisons to white fragility
- The comparison of being trans to a cultist religion
- The insinuation that upvotes or kind words "shields trans people from reality"
- Casual references to trans women, whether indirectly or directly to trans commenters/OPs, as men or males
- The likening of trans women to white supremacists
There's this stereotype that Reddit is this liberal echo chamber, but I seem to know all of the many places where it's not, and I seek out those places when I know they'll hurt me.
For those of you just on Lemmy, what are your strategies not to stray back to Reddit?
By going and observing you are implicitly endorsing that there is some value in what they do there. You might ideologically disagree, but even by observing it you're showing that what they do is worth observing.
I use a similar logic with fascists. Its not a bad thing to be informed on how fascists and terfs think. As a community we can best protect ourselves by understanding who seeks to attack us and defending ourselves accordingly. Thats one of the reasons communities like blahaj.zone are so important. No corporations can come here, and terfs and fascists are banned wherever they appear.
There is nothing of value in what happens in that community. TERFs dont hate us because they have a rational framework of disagreement with us, they hate us because we are trans. They despise that very core of who we are. It's not like there are any grounds for discussion with them. I can't convince someone who hates trans people that trans people do not deserve hate. They weren't convinced to begin with. They hated people who are different from them, people who do not fit into the boundaries of sexuality and gender they see as sacred. There is nothing to be gained from speaking with them. There is nothing to be gained from debating them. There is nothing to be gained from paying attention to them. I can tell you right now what you will find there. You already know what you will find there yourself. It serves nothing to look. You're only inflicting actual real psychological harm on yourself by going there, and giving them attention only feeds their desire to cause you pain. They hate us. They want to call us slurs to our faces to make us feel bad about ourselves. They delight in our suffering. They know that trans people go there, that is ostensibly the point, and they love that, they love that trans people go to that community and suffer real psychological harm from engaging with them.
Ive argued with many a terf and transphobe in my day. Along with loads of racists and misogynists and homophobes and fascists. I spent a significant part of my early 20s arguing with them. And I'll be honest and tell you that frequently engaging with and seeing and hearing the things they say hurt me and traumatized me on deep foundational levels that I am still working to heal from. It is categorically not worth it. It's not worth it. They dont care what you think, they want you to read what they say and be in pain because of it.
You have to respect yourself enough to stop. I know that sounds harsh, and I genuinely dont mean to be harsh. It just comes down to that. You are worth more than a source of pain for ravenous bigots. You dont deserve to be subjected to that every day. The world is full of joy too. Trans joy is real. I find my time far better spent engaging with trans solidarity and joy. You should block the site and move on. The temptation fades with time. You have to choose to look at better things.
No, that isn't harsh, you're definitely right. When I get dysphoric or see awful news, I get those "I don't really deserve to be a woman" thoughts, and then I become receptive to everything the TERFs say. And I need to work on that.