So I have accepted for some time now that I am a trans woman. I wear feminine clothes in public from time to time and it’s at the point that I don’t in the moment care if somebody stares at me. I have been voice training also for about a month and it feels great to be a woman among accepting people. I have also tried (DIY) estrogen and I love its emotional changes. The first day felt absolutely divine and I do not want to stop, however I am scared. I am lazy and I am not sure if I can do it every single day. These thoughts have been hunting me every day for the past week for multiple hours a day. Yesterday I was completely paralyzed by my own thoughts and I couldn’t do anything for 12 hours (-> I have probably failed my exam today), because the choice of facing the world or giving up estrogen is too hard. It got to a point that even suicide came to mind, just so I don’t have to choose. My gender dysphoria boy modding exists but it’s not strong. I am going to visit an uni psychologist soon because of this.
My question is: How did you figure out that this is the battle you want to fight?
Image from: https://br.pinterest.com/pin/39758409204847070/
FWIW, I live in a trans sanctuary city so I don’t have to be brave. I just dress up cute and my doctors give me cheap estrogen and nobody cares. It’s practically boring to people here. Hope you find your way here someday!
I’m so happy for you! I just recently visited a sanctuary city, and it was so nice, to see all the progress pride flags and openly queer people everywhere. I hope my relatively-progressive-for-the-area home city gets there someday