So I have accepted for some time now that I am a trans woman. I wear feminine clothes in public from time to time and it’s at the point that I don’t in the moment care if somebody stares at me. I have been voice training also for about a month and it feels great to be a woman among accepting people. I have also tried (DIY) estrogen and I love its emotional changes. The first day felt absolutely divine and I do not want to stop, however I am scared. I am lazy and I am not sure if I can do it every single day. These thoughts have been hunting me every day for the past week for multiple hours a day. Yesterday I was completely paralyzed by my own thoughts and I couldn’t do anything for 12 hours (-> I have probably failed my exam today), because the choice of facing the world or giving up estrogen is too hard. It got to a point that even suicide came to mind, just so I don’t have to choose. My gender dysphoria boy modding exists but it’s not strong. I am going to visit an uni psychologist soon because of this.
My question is: How did you figure out that this is the battle you want to fight?
Image from: https://br.pinterest.com/pin/39758409204847070/
I have two people who seriously matter to me, my boyfriend and my bestie. To them, I matter. I have to keep hobbling forward through this batshit insane garbage evil world no matter what the fuck happens, for them. But I also just want to be the person I deserve to be, I want to fully self-actualize as myself, you know? And so, for those who want to stop me, I live to spite.