this post was submitted on 09 Oct 2023
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If you don't want people to be angry at you: don't make sanctimonious proclamations that insist that your viewpoint on an extremely personal and complex matter is the only correct view for some reason. I'm one of those people that will never have children and your condescending remarks on my life choices are quite unwelcome and lead me to have a rather uncharitable opinion of you.
I don't do it myself, I just know the thought process here.
Don't pretend you never saw someone making a bad mistake and wanted to say something
Choosing not to have children is not "a bad mistake". It's not a "mistake" at all. It's a personal choice that you have no reason to weigh in on and you would do well to keep your opinion to yourself. The issue here is not that you are weighing in on a mistake, it's that you're assuming that someone's personal choices and autonomy are a mistake.
Sure, and a lot of people don't regret it. But a lot of people do, and to those people it was a massive mistake.
It is possible to see from another's point of view.
But what's a lot? You say "a lot" for regret and "a lot" for not regretting. I'm not really sure it can be "a lot" in both cases.
It is possible to see another point of view, but your original comment is hardly showing multiple view points. It comes off as if you're saying everyone who doesn't have children will regret not doing so.
I know plenty of couples who don't want kids and who are self aware enough that they would not make good parents. They're still good people, but they wouldn't have the patience or resources to care for a child. And that's ok. Even one or two generations ago, they would have been heavily pressured to have children.
That's part of where the pushback against your comment comes from, the societal push that everyone has to pair off and everyone has to have children. It's not necessary for survival now and there is the theory that it wasn't necessary hundreds of years ago either. The childless actually helped care for the children of the group and were able to contribute more to other aspects of life.
For my husband and I, this is exactly it. Our careers are not really conducive to having kids, but they are still critically important jobs that have to be done by someone. We're looking forward to being the fun Auntie and Uncle to my sister-in-law's kids, and that's plenty for us.
Are you sponsored by Caterpillar or something? Because you just keep digging.
Take your paternalistic bullshit and go regret your own life choices away from everyone else.