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Delta Chat: The e-mail messenger
(delta.chat)
This is a most excellent place for technology news and articles.
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i would never bother with anything that i consider to be highly secure over any clearnet service. but for keeping advertisers out of my messages or just run of the mill dragnets, or spot-censorship (like how facebook or others forbid certain links), i think deltachat is a really reasonable solution.
but to this point:
deltachat has an option to delete server-side.
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you're asking more than i really know here. i haven't even convinced any of my friends to use it. it was hard enough getting their email addresses lol.
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this is my settings screen. it looks like you would need to actually ask your friends to turn on the server-side purging.