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Autism in families / displacement in families
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this post was submitted on 06 Dec 2023
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Autism
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I was the first American-born person in my family. Both of my parents are from very different countries. I lived in Japan for a year. I also have traveled to like 15 countries. I also don't live in my hometown and likely never will.
I'm pretty certain that my father was narcissistic personality disorder with some psychopathic tendencies. My sister thinks he was more psychopathic than I think he was, but we both agree on the narcissism. My mother's side was a lot more chill, quiet, and respectful, though she was schizophrenic. I remember when I met her brother/my uncle, we clicked immediately. He was just so calm and to the point, whereas my father's side was manipulative and disrespectful. Anyway, while writing this post, I learned that autistic people are much more likely to develop schizophrenia than NTs. Luckily, my parents did not stay together for long, but unluckily I got stuck with my father's side rather than my mother's side. On the other hand, my mother moved back to her home country, and that's definitely not a place I would want to be right now.
I'm starting to suspect that a narcissist is a neurodiverse person who hasn't processed their trauma well and has risen to some position of power and authority over others. My grandma fits that bill. Meh, both grandmas were manipulative. But then they entered survival mode early, lived through WWII during their late teens and early twenties ... fewer chances to develop a self-reflected personality probably? My ex spouse (different nationality and culture from me, of course) is narcissistic as well. Throw enough repression, religious and/or political, into the neurodiverse mix and these figures emerge I guess.
I embrace the voices in my head. I've never been overwhelmed by them to the point of coming close to schizophrenia, but it was never difficult to have whole conversations in my head. I used to interpret them as different parts of myself, these days I'm actually seeing it as a conversation with my non-human surroundings and even ancestors like the above-mentioned grandmas, but I'm keeping an open mind around it all. But I'd definitely tell 'fuck off' to anyone who'd try to tell me I shouldn't be doing that in my own head.