Competent at what specifically? Basic daily life like chores and dishes? External motivators are way better than internal. I never clean "for myself". I clean because my wife needs it for her emotional well-being, and I clean because it would be embarrassing for guest or maintenance to see it.

Other potential options are therapy and medication, but I acknowledge the privelage of having them and that many people dont have that as an option. And obviously I'm just some dude so take it all as anecdotal evidence.

But for me it comes down to I will rarely do things for myself, so mentally framing them as for other people makes it easier