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The transphobia stops now (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/196@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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This community is housed on an instance run by two trans women, focused on the needs of the queer and gender diverse community.

We allowed 196 here because we were promised the community is queer and trans inclusive.

If you're here it's because you're aggressively supportive of trans folk. Not middle of the ground, not "just asking questions".

If your response to that is, "yes, but..." then this isn't the instance for you, and by extension, this isn't the community for you.

tl;dr - Unambiguous support and inclusion, or fuck off somewhere else.

Edit - I changed the phrase "aggressive support to "unambiguous support", as there was some confusion over the intent behind my previous phrasing.

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[-] alternative_factor@kbin.social 15 points 1 year ago

The post seems transphobic in a "chaser" sort of way to me, not trans though.

[-] LeylaaLovee@lemmy.blahaj.zone 25 points 1 year ago

It seems very "chaser" to me. In other comments, the poster mentioned how he was attracted to "post op trans women and pre op trans men". Grouping those two demographics together in this way will never be seen as not chaser.

[-] AdmiralRob@lemmy.zip 7 points 1 year ago

What does chaser mean?

[-] LeylaaLovee@lemmy.blahaj.zone 22 points 1 year ago

Someone who fetishizes trans people. You find trans people hot? That's totally fine, you can have preferences. But grouping post op trans women and pre op trans men sexually is saying that they're being viewed as women regardless of their identity.

If you wanna fuck a trans person, it should be because you're attracted to them. Maybe you like boobs and penis together and that's fine. Maybe you like a masculine chest and a vagina. You can be attracted to a certain intersection, even if that intersection is a straight one. But fucking them because they're trans and exotic is chasing. If you like women, fuck trans women. If you like men, fuck trans men. But don't just randomly flip them around like there's no difference to you.

[-] BraBraBra@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

The guy just said that penises put him off, good god. Is it common in the trans community for people to find it transphobic when cis people aren't attracted to them post transition? Because while I fully support the right to be trans and transition, that is pretty nuts to find it transphobic just because someone doesn't find you attractive.

[-] LeylaaLovee@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 1 year ago

That's not the issue. You can't say "yeah I like women" and then say that includes pre op trans men. That's fucking gross to say. He literally did the "oh noooo but your boobs!" You guys really go straight to being condescending before you actually try to understand anything, Jesus fucking Christ.

[-] BraBraBra@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

He said the boobs would be an issue in a relationship with a trans man because he would attracted to a source of the person's dysphoria, which would make them incompatible.

Someone literally asked for his opinion on this matter, in a post that invited the opinions of straight people. There is no grossness or transphobia here. Someone asked him if he would date trans men and he explained why they would be incompatible.

[-] GraySanity@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

well, yes and no

to my personal experience, it can feel kind of transphobic, as being in the position of being rejected just because of your genitals, and not because of the rest of your personality and appearance/gender expression just feels wrong and mean somehow, but if I try to rationalize it, saying that such pereference is transphobic feels just as bad, as you cant force someones pereference

there needs to be said that the person did not see the implication of praising/complementing someones genitals that were the problem (in the case of the original post "And it would propably be difficult with me going 'I love your boobs' and they're always like 'I hate my boobs'"). As praising or giving a trans person a complement on the bodyparts which are a big part of their disphoria is just mean and very painfull for most of them (this was propably unintended tho, and I expect the original postter didn't think about this, but still)

[pre-anything transfem btw]

[-] MBM@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

the person did not see the implication of praising/complementing someones genitals that were the problem

Wasn't that the point of the comment? They got asked if they'd date a trans guy and responded that it wouldn't work out because what they're attracted to is exactly what makes the trans guy dysphoric

Edit: the post the comments were under was a bit weird about trans though, I'd be fine with that not existing here

[-] BraBraBra@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Most people expect sex within weeks. And no matter how great you find someone, if sex with them is a chore due to you not finding their sexual organs appealing(which is something you can't really control), that's not going to be an ideal relationship.

And on the point of finding something attractive about your partner that is the source of their dysphoria, that seems like a recipe for disaster and hurt.

I can understand how it doesn't feel great to read those points and how it's a talking point that you wouldn't want to see in communities you follow, but to call it transphobic just because it's hurtful just doesn't seem sound imho.

But in this case at least it's not simply boiling someone down to their sexual organs, but rather recognizing how their sexual organs could realistically affect the relationship.