(Or, hell, another nation while I'm dreaming ๐ :-\ ) Walls of backstory (possible to make a cross-instance link? Doesn't seem so): https://pawb.social/post/8062162 https://pawb.social/comment/7374899
Short backstory: Broken critter, 34 Earth-around-Sol-goings old, probably agoraphobic (as in fear-of-crossing-thresholds, not fear-of-public-spaces) and AuADHD. Stuck living with "family" but now they're abusive and near-violent. Called cops on me, tried to throw me out with nothing miles from the nearest town, threatened to cut off my Internet access as if keeping me from working out how to leave is the best way to make me leave. Hatefool logic stuff ๐, bullies both.
This-post story: Is there anycritter who can
-Pick me up when I figure out where to go and/or give me/point me at a safe place to stay (am currently in northeastern Oklahoma, outside of a little town about forty minutes from Tulsa), or
-Help ~~paw-hold~~guide me through figuring out how to settle in somewhere safer, even a decent* roommate who can maybe help me find the best places to go/be/work/eat/live/etc.?, or
-Just straight-up flee somewhere with me and help work stuff out together? Weird scary idea, sure, but... whatever I guess. Not as scary to me as going it alone, I think maybe. May be able to help financially, even. Probably ridiculous to even think any of this but it's a nice dream to just hop on a bus/plane/silt strider and piss off with somecritter to greener pastures ๐คท ...Presumably flipping every single bird at where we came from.
If not that, some advice on how much things even cost could be really useful. What does it cost to move these days? In time and US Dollars, particularly. And phone calls. Those are terrifying. Anyway Idunno what kind of budget to expect beyond single, discrete things. $100-350 bus fare to Minneapolis, $150-400 air fare depending on when. $60ish per night for a cheap hotel room near here, plus a $100-200(?) deposit I may not get back that apparently isn't mentioned very upfrontly. Those I can just look up but getting a full mental picture of like, a 25-hour bus trip including food/drinks, the bus fare itself, stuff I've not even thought of yet...??? I'd prefer to fly if I can, but then maybe I need a hotel somewhere because of a cancelled flight, and either spend twice as much on the ticket or have to find somewhere to stay for a bit over two weeks, and cab fare to get to the hotel if I need one (or more!), and... ugh!
PS: Sorry this is all really weird and maybe creepy. I'm really weird so maybe it's not unfair to be upfront about that ๐ but also I'm "a little" unsettled by this mess so I'm just kinda blurting things out hoping something makes sense and maybe helps :-\
*"Decent" in terms of interpersonal respect and whatnot, not like... "not weird" or something. Certainly not the video game, that's Descent.
Update 27th March, 03:36 CDT/08:36 UTC
Just gonna talk to myself for a sec, I guess. Probably nocritter else up at this hour. ๐ Welcome to my diary! Or rather, you now are my diary. Congrats! It's an odd role. So, every day's a hell of a trip, and not a fun one. Hours of bad followed by struggle. Just now finally got around to doing some work. Bets on whether I make it? ๐คท Helps to talk...don't wanna drag anycritter down ๐คท Bleegh. Anyway, turns out stuff is big and space for packing stuff is not. Gotta figure out how much I can handle carting around, maybe see if I can find (and get) my carry-on luggage-thingle. Easiest just to cram what I can into a backpack and big-luggage I guess. Already have a couple of each in here. Was using them as catchalls <.< What goes, what stays... ugh. Very ugh. Triple hyper ugh! And the checked luggage fees... damn. Hurts being alone, in every way. Chatting yesterdayish was nice, just sad and quiet now. Am just crying out loud I guess ๐คท
Could still really use:
- Somewhere to stay: for a week or a day (or until mid-next month when air fare's better, but who's wishing for miracles? Oh, it's me.)
- Somewhere to go: could be somecritter's weird wiggly ~~w~~roommate ๐คท Else maybe advice on where to look for an apartment. Idunno if "cheap and walkable" is a thing that exists but Idunno how the hell I'm gonna be able to get around ๐คท Currently just assuming I'm going to Minneapolis. No freaking clue what to do after that beyond looking for a box to hide in and snatching up like, a bowl and something cheap and edible to put into it. ... What a ridiculous "princess experiences real life" movie I've got going on here ๐คฆโโ๏ธ Anyone want a weird ugly pet to take care of ๐
- Maybe even just some company? At this point even a voice call sounds great. Fair warning: might just cry the whole time. Am already doing that, in fact.
- ~I~ ~still~ ~wish~ ~somecritter~ ~would~ ~just~ ~come~ ~rescue~ ~me~ ~but~ ~I~ ~totally~ ~didn't~ ~say~ ~that~ ~'cause~ ~it's~ ~scary~ ~I~ ~guess~ ๐คท ๐ถโ๐ซ๏ธ
Will even accept cis people! Only asked here because I'm a little bit familiar around here and can't bring myself to ask anywhere else.
Also, how does one get, say, a bunch of groceries from a shop to a home without a car to store it in? Just haul a bag or two at a time, make multiple trips if needed? Seems like that'd get unwieldy and dangerous really fast, even with like, only two bags but there are cans in there so they can't both be in one hand so like... ๐ Kindof a shower thought I guess. Still hoping to get one of those today. ๐ก Oyeah, maybe use the rolly luggage thingle.
Okay, it's been like an hour and a half just... rambling another wall of crap. I hope somecritter can like, study all' this or something. Maybe I can play a part in advancing Brokenology (scientific study of broken things).
Update 28th March, 04:50 CDT
Just booked the flight. I've been looking at things, bus routes, shelters, apartments, hotels. Feels like I'm kidding the hell out of myself thinking I can do this at all. I should just quit. It'll be harder if I leave. I'll get there and I'll have no one and nothing but a big bag of crap someone's going to want to take. I can't do this. Why the fuck would I think I can do this? It's gonna be dozens of calls and days of wandering the city bleeding funds and maybe literally bleeding just to find out how fucked I am. I'm not built for this hell-world. I can barely handle getting a Discord call from someone I like, how am I gonna survive creating a life from nothing in a new city when there are people who've been there their whole lives, who aren't as broken as I am, who still rely on shelters and soup kitchens? I'll just die a slow, cold death instead of a quick painless one I can have here.
I'm sorry, I know no one wants this crap around. I just feel so damn lost, and like everything's set up so well to make sure I can't possibly be okay, ever.
Can't just buy a place to stay, even if I can afford it. Could get a hotel for like a week, then be totally fucked. Who's gonna hire me? Maybe somewhere truly horrific. And I'll struggle like hell to even apply. Why even try ๐ญ This is stupid, I'm just throwing my idiot self at a "nicer place" like it's gonna save me.
Managed to schedule a Lyft for Friday morning, to get me to the airport. I just feel really sick. Maybe I'll get a fascist driver who'll just shoot me and dump my corpse in the river. Probably a better fate than what I'll get trying to live a dream, like a total shithead. Ugh.
Nobody's even gonna show, I'll have to freaking scramble up an Uber, then when that falls through just go fuck myself trying to dream up a cab company that'll come out here. FML.
Oh, is that why tickets are like twice the price until halfway through April :| Great. I couldn't have picked a better time to say "no." ๐คฆ ๐ฎโ๐จ 'Be great if I could find a way to make it past the event, I think, but it's looking like everything's a nope but literally just "get a cab and a plane ticket and hope the rest works out." Slightly terrifying plan, honestly. "Slightly."
I'm glad you were well-supported by that MMO-based mental health care ๐ Reminds me that RIFT cracked my first shell a bit. I've always used odd names and I ended up with a group who didn't know what pronouns to use but I somehow didn't want to "correct" them ๐
In other news, the first money-transfer is supposed to complete today. I went for only part because I was afraid someone would get excited over transferring too much, or too much of what's in there, and demand to contact an account owner but end up just reminding her to rob me. Well, hopefully all' that goes smoothly and I can afford something nicer than a cardboard box under an overpass. Will probably be settled one way or another by the time I wake (yay nocturnality!).
This whole thing could've been great if it hadn't happened like this ๐
Woohoo! Money!
Yeah, niche MMO communities are great, particularly the late nighters (I would honestly like second shift again, I liked the hours, it was just a shit job (grocery store deli) and conflicting schedules with living situation at the time). For a long time (pre-egg-splat) people thought I was a woman and it felt weird to "correct" them. Community for me was mostly women and ran a bit older but that's the nature of an older MMO. Friendly folks โบ๏ธ
Jumping ship is very nerve wracking. Once things are in motion it feels like it moves fast, but you'll look back at some point and surprise yourself by how far you've come ๐ Last time I moved to a new apartment I was actively trying to avoid an incoming snowstorm (I was too sore to even put together my BED for days, that suuuucked).
I recommend keeping at least 1 or 2 small keepsakes, preferably ones with good, un-tainted memories. Most of the souvenirs I had from my childhood were either thrown out while moving or stolen by teachers for being "distracting" (ADHD of the "need something in my hands" variety) ๐
Can't stay asleep, freaking out ๐ฐ I must be getting some kind of workout shaking this much.
Good news, though: the first one went through! PayPal balance may be enough to get a month of apartment and even a cupcake if both are cheap ๐ And assuming I can pay that way. Gonna be upsetting if I get there and find out nobody takes debit cards or something. Way too many things that can go very wrong >.<;
Once I get started I may be fine emotionally even if I end up in a struggle. There's a kind of "Okay, now I'm out and I'm doing me" kind of feeling after I cross a threshold, where I'm out of whatever safety-blanket-place (hope that makes some sense <.<) and depending on myself unless I specifically ask someone else for help. Will likely still be pretty nervous at least, especially in this case. Haven't been without a safety net before, which... yeah okay, real people in the real world don't always have those but pressing the lil green button on my phone can take literal days and make me lose my lunch so ๐คท some of us aren't cut out for the real world I guess.
Really wish I could take more. If I take two big-luggages I can grab a bunch of stuff but moving around with both is surprisingly unwieldy (and expensive to get onto a plane) so I feel like one is the best I can realistically do. Gotta figure out what has to go rather than what I can take ๐ฉ My horde of plushies... sigh Hope I can manage at least one or two. May still take this crappy little bracelet I got off' Amazon. First "girly" thing I got specifically for that purpose. A critter said it's the sort of thing that "helps hold the girl in" ๐ It's all mucked up and like... corroded or something, but it's something me.
Where's my Gandalf?! ๐
Stressful as hell having so little time >.<;
Oh! One fun thing I just thought of!
Blahaj!
... Just gonna save this post, since it's very important :D Once I've got a place to put one I'm definitely gonna have to go there and get me a ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ๐ฆ does a nervous, hoping things work out for having a place
Hehehe shork ๐ฆ
Oh! There's also a Micro Center up there in Minneapolis too!
It feels mean to squish them but plushies can get pretty tiny!
Thankfully, the US as a whole adopted card payments ages ago, and most places these days support tap to pay (although that might be payment providers requiring hardware that has it). To get a car (should you need/want to) will probably require an actual checkbook for a deposit, I imagine some apartments might as well if they're older.
Probably a good idea to check your credit score just in case the parents pulled some skeevy shit; apartment complexes will sometimes run a credit check as part of applying. most will want some kind of proof of income (my first apartment needed paystubs from two paychecks). You're probably going to be dealing with shelters for a good month or so at first, and that's okay!
A credit card has more protections than a debit card (as its the Banks money, and they care about getting that back more than if its your money), and can help you build credit. Just buying little everyday things (like that cupcake) and immediately paying it off will improve it.
The little things that make you "you" are important to hold onto
I, too, would like an emotional support wizard and/or Ian McKellan himself at times.
Fuckfuckfuck eeeeppp ๐ Do not like, do not like! I've no idea what a homeless shelter is like, nor whether they're all full-up. Really not looking forward to getting walled-off and left on the street, and not at all eager to be taking up a spot somecritter else needs.
They have (well, they claim to have) always tried to keep my credit history spotless, so as long as they don't deliberately pull anything it's probably fine. Their "love" really is measured in dollars and cents. I'd rather have had a supportive, healthy family and some health care but I guess I have what I have ๐
Maybe someday someone will flash-clone him a few times and we can all have our own emotional support Ian McKellan ๐
The beauty of moving to a supportive state is that things like shelter are MUCH better funded, and set up to actually work, instead of states that set up the bare minimum and reduce funding at every opportunity, so that they can claim "see? Doesn't work!!!1!1!!" to their voter base.
Ian Mckellan is truly a wonderful individual, and quite fabulously gay, so is a pretty good choice for support-person in my eyes for LGBT communities ๐
Also cowboycrustation says we're invited to a voice call. Idunno where or how or when exactly ๐
That quote goes so hard
Tolkien is a gold mine. The dude was in The Somme in WW1, and his values show in his writing.
The actors for the movies portray the emotions so perfectly, it's borderline offensive that remakes are being attempted.