There have been similar posts in the past and you all might be tired of commenting on them, but I'm really curious what it's like for others. So here I am posting my own question thread.
Given that our core identities are defined by lots of different quirks, gender, romance, sexuality, platonic affinity being some of them. I am curious to know what aspects all of you measure yourself by and how you place yourselves within the bigger picture. Especially hoping for some wholesome takes that may help someone else feel more comfortable with themselves, should they adopt the way of thinking.
I'll share my own take: Gender identity
- Masculine-feminine spectrum: Definitely more comfortable with feminine side.
- Fluidity: experiencing some, not sure if that is because of uncertainty or inherent.
- Intensity flux: also experiencing some, some days are just a little extra "I want to be a girl"-days.
- Overall: unsure about where that leaves me, status quo (I'm just me) is fine for now.
Attraction to others
- Sexuality: Definitely bisexual, trans-inclusive (who would have guessed).
- Romantic...ality?: Vastly different from sexuality, mostly romantically interested in women (cis or trans), i'd say biromantic with a 90% bias. Any men I've had romantic interest in shared some feminine traits, so 'femromantic'? Is that a thing?
Social traits
- Platonic affinity: Find myself feeling most comfortable around women. As long as I can remember I've always been one of the girls and some interactions with men actually confirm that I'm absolutely nothing like the average dude.
- General sensitivity: Without a doubt HSP, even though others usually can't tell (which gets me in trouble).
- Social tolerance: Intuitively introverted, though have become more outgoing lately, so not strictly introverted.
Obviously these are just some examples of things we can measure ourselves by, curious to see which ones you will add or remove and why. And it goes without saying: Only share what you're comfortable sharing.
TL;DR: I'm a huge nerd and have reduced myself to an n-dimensional vector, and I'm asking you to do the same and maybe add some dimensions you know of.
Solidly Non-binary, but have been exploring my feminine side more.
This is a bit of a confusing mess in my brain. Does it make sense when I say "High, but in expression, not gender itself"? Some days, I express more masculinity, others I want to express my femininity more, most days it's a blend.
Frequent, variable intensity. Can swing in either direction. I think part of it is that I've starved the feminine side for so much of my life, there's a drive to indulge for lost time.
Still consider myself NB, and proud of it, though I want to continue this exploration of myself. I'm starting to find the beauty in both sides, and really bring them together.
Pansexual, and I've known that for a good chunk of my life.
Never really had a preference, just traits I look for in a romantic partner.
I've always had a mix, but I'm also kinda a nerdy punky gothy oddball who ends up collecting the other oddballs to go smoke weed and talk about our feelings.
High, with an unhealthy dose of coping mechanisms!
Introverted, but I can come out of my shell with the right people. It can feel like two different people, sometimes. Been trying to put myself out there more, though.
Thanks for your reply! I love your take on finding beauty in both sides, seems like letting go of a need to be one or the other might feel freeing in a way.
Would you say that sexuality and romantic preferences are more connected for you specifically, or are there still differences? For me there's a clear difference between sexual and romantic attraction. And it would make sense that there is some difference for pansexual or panromantic people as well. To put it bluntly, would the answer to "Fuck and Marry" be the same person, or would they be different? (We don't kill people here).
And does your intention to put yourself out there more as an introverted person stem from something more? For me, there was a clear goal of combating shyness and improving self-esteem that made me put myself into more social situations. And I felt like I deserve to reap the benefits of having more developed social skills every once in a while.
If you feel any of these things are too sensitive, or personal to talk about, just know that catgirls are naturally curious and will not hold it against you if you draw the line somwhere.
They're connected, and it's all kinda a blurred mess? It even bleeds into my platonic relationships. Not like "I'm only friends if I wanna screw you", but "If I'm spending a lot of time with you, I'm comfortable with you, and I'm romantically/sexually available, I'm down for you to make a move or drop hints".
The only real "issue" I have, and it's one I happily compromise on, is if kinks align. If they do, or compromise can happen, it's all cool. If not, then hey, I'm not a good fit as a sexual partner for that person, and that's okay! I can be something else in their life. I just know what it's like, from both sides, to not have those needs met.
Partially from knowing that a part of my introversion has been because of fear, and holding myself back. While it's far from the whole, my depression has most definitely worked its way in alongside it, holding me back from being true to myself. While therapy and medication have been working wonders, I know I also need to break myself out of the chains I've placed on myself, both in my identity and in my life fighting from accepting that identity. All the medicine in the world can't fix what we refuse to change alongside it.
It has also been building self-esteem and confidence. I've always been pretty hard on myself, and coming out came with a realization of a large reason as to why, and why it's always felt easier for me behind some text, like this. Because I was trying to be the wrong person, trying to show the wrong face, and places like here... No one knows it. I can be my true self, because the mask doesn't need to get put on. I don't have to be a "man".
By pushing myself, even in small ways, I've been feeling better about myself. Shaking off all those whispers of who I should be, and feeling more confident in who I actually am.
In the days leading up to it, I felt kinda dumb, but my partner had gotten us tickets to a show I was super excited for, and she had picked up some beauty products for me. One was this PH color changing lipstick, and I hyped myself up so much to wear it out to the concert.
Just a year ago, that would have terrified me. That night, though... I didn't care. I felt pretty, and handsome, and like myself. I liked my face. I posed for pictures, in public, for the first time in years and enjoyed myself. Talked with other Cowboy Bebop fans.
It made me realize how I used to feel, when I felt like I had outlets, like theatre. Being up on stage brought something out of me, because I didn't really feel the crowd. I felt the people I was on stage with. It also made me realize how much of that feeling was tied into letting my true self out more.
I was never the life of the party, but I at least managed to help bundle the other wallflowers up into a bouquet of our own. I let that slip away in fighting myself, isolating myself.
Curiosity is a thing to be fed, and in this, I'm fairly comfortable being an open book. Not only does it help us understand the differences between ourselves, but my own self-discovery was helped along by finding conversations like these. They helped me learn that I wasn't alone in my feelings, and taught me the words to help describe them. The least I can do is answer some questions that might help another, some time, in their own questioning moments, even if it's something they come across years after the discussion was had.
Wow, thanks so much for sharing this! Truly beautiful and inspiring to read.
I think I get the whole fuckable friends part, even though it doesn't quite work that way for me. You already share a certain bond of friendship, trust or intimacy to a certain degree. So I see how that could open up the door for things to progress beyond platonic.
Alignment of kinks is probably more important for a healthy sex life than most people realise, and at least from my experience compromise never works out in the long term.
Your story on confidence, self-esteem and becoming more outgoing definitely hits home, as I imagine it will for many here. I used to be pretty outgoing as a kid, but high school and a combination of factors changed that dramatically. Reaching emotional maturity earlier than my peers, HSP and witnessing the sheer evil early teens are capable of all around me turned me into the quiet kid that somehow managed to stand out. Kinda hard to be outgoing when you don't quite trust or like anyone around you. New environments and fresh starts definitely help out though, and studying was definitely the tipping point. I've been clawing my way back to my childhood self-esteem ever since. And I'm proud to say I'm getting there.
All in all happy to hear you managed a way to stop denying yourself the attention you deserve, as this post proves you're worth listening to. Definitely going to take some inspiration from your story.
Oh and now I need this magic PH lipstick, where can I get some?
Lipstick is Essence Glimmer Glow, looks like you can find it on Amazon! It looks clear and glittery, but it comes out in a very nice rosé that doesn't leave you looking like you just partied with the pixies. From the description, the way it interacts with your natural PH levels affects the tone and intensity of the color, and I can say I've seen it be fairly different between my lips and my partners.
And thank you! Not only for your kind words, but for being the kind of person who makes this kind of platform available and welcoming. It's a lovely encouragement to engage with this community and gives a beautiful outlet and inlet for ideas and conversation.
Oh god, what have you done?! My impulse control is definitely being tested here! (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)
The stuff probably contains phenolphtalein pH indicator, which turns pink in alkaline conditions. Our saliva varies between a pH of 6.3 to about 7.9 with 7 being considered neutral. Not sure if 7.9 is alkaline enough for the color change to dramatic enough, so it might contain something else that works at a different range. Principle is the same though: Magic colour changing chemical meets pH that isn't quite neutral and turns itself pink.
Aww thanks for your kind words! I actually joined here not too long after lurking for a while because it seemed like a safe place to try and express a side of myself that I don't really share with the public yet. Figured this would be a good place to experiment interacting with people that have a chance of understanding what I'm finding out about myself. The goal was always a mix of shitposting, celebrating differences, discussing interesting things, providing others with a laugh and leaving wholesome messages. Your feedback counts as a big compliment and tells me I'm probably doing well at the wholesome part.