Me, deeply cynical: "Google is just using their VPN to spy on you. They've got an entire department dedicated to checking what websites you visit while using the VPN and building a profile on each individual, which they will turn over to the authorities the moment society collapses into a state of anarchy and military law must be imposed."

Google CEO: "Shut down the secret VPN counterintelligence program that tracks all the future domestic terrorists in the event of a widespread domestic insurgency. Its not making us enough money."